Adventures in hair

Exhibit #1 © Cheese Curds and Kimchi

LM was getting a bit shaggy and since his dol is in 2 weeks (gasp!) we wanted him to look sharp. Time for a haircut.

And I know it's cheesy, but I wanted to take him to one of those cutesy kid places. I just figured they would be the experts on wiggly, squirmy customers. Besides, they do this commemorative first hair cut thing for $24, with a photo, and little bits of his hair. So sweet, and I had a 50% off coupon so it's also a good deal! And those little car chairs are cute. Right?

Wrong.

Here are some of the highlights (hahah! I made a pun!) of our first hair-cutting experience:

• The "stylist" set LM in the very cute car atop two very slippery and wiggly cushions. And did not seat belt him in. I didn't even know there was a seat belt or would have insisted. And, when he reached for me, he tipped over the slippery, wiggly cushions, toppling over, falling out of the chair and aiming headfirst for the very hard floor about 4-feet below. Thank goodness I was standing there and snagged him before the imminent disaster. (No photo available because Mommy was playing catcher with LM's head.)

• Despite being told that all we wanted was a trim around the ears and neck and wanted to leave the top as it was, the "stylist" proceeded to cut chop off over an inch from the top. And she hacked a HUGE chunk out of the back. (See Exhibits #1 & #2) 

Exhibit #2 (Look at all that hair she is cutting!! Arghh!) © Cheese Curds and Kimchi

• She gave him 80's sideburns, which are not even. So when you look at him from the front, his ears look like they are not level. And to boot, she left wispy strands on the sideburns for added effect. (See Exhibit #3)

Exhibit #3 © Cheese Curds and Kimchi

• The stylist had the personality of an eggplant and the only things she said during the cut were "I like turquoise" (evident from her very long and turquoise colored nails and gobs of turquoise jewelry), and "look at your toes". Yes, she told the 11-month-old LM to look at his toes because she wanted him to look down. And she was serious. (See Exhibit #2 again.)

• He later slipped down those damned cushions and became pinned under the steering wheel on the cutesy car. The turquoise lovin' stylist was oblivious to why her customer had suddenly slumped forward and began screaming. (No photos available because Mommy was about to go all crazy on the turquoise idiot.)

By now, Mommy was getting really pissed. I could see the damage was done, and she was still hacking away at the back, trying to smooth out that big chunk of hair that was missing. Which meant more hair was at risk for removal. LM was starting to fuss so she handed him a tray of toys (none of them age appropriate and likely not sanitized) and that's when the haircut ended.

We're done here, I said. And I took him out of the purple race car chair. Bad sideburns and all.

So it's kind of funny now, several days later. I went in yesterday and had a chat with the store owner, who offered to correct the cut. Um...I don't think so lady. I'll just take the refund and be on my way.

The good news is that his hair grows fast and we are heading to our regular stylists to do some damage control. It probably won't be any $12 special, but he won't look like I had to cut gum out of his hair either.

Oh yeah, and that commemorative photo. (Now please remind me why I would want a commemorative photo, shot with a crappy point and shoot by the teenage receptionist working at a childrens hair salon, when I am a professional shooter with a very expensive camera who documented the entire debacle from start to finish???)

Well, they let us keep it despite the fact that I got a refund.

Which is great, because I want to remember this.

Always.

Friday Round Up-Attachment edition

I won't lie. This has been a Really. Hard. Week.

As much of a roller coaster ride as the process was before LM came home, it's been even more so since he's been home. We went from the super highs of last week's steps forward, to some behavior this week that makes we wonder if we are any closer than the day we met.

It's such a let down. And of course, I'm even more upset by my fear that we won't be able to get the closeness that we've dreamed of for our family.

Instead of that sweet little guy who was imitating us, beaming, and giving an occasional hug, we are now dealing with a grumpy, tiny person who seems to despise us at times. I'm attributing this to hard-core grieving. I wasn't exactly sure if that's what it was or not at first. I mean, it could be teething, grumpy toddler, etc. I just don't know enough about his personality to understand what I'm looking at.

He screams and nothing will comfort him. He wants up. He wants down. He pushes away and then cries to be carried. He doesn't want a bottle. He screams if you change him. He's just pissed at the world. I put him in his carrier and he raises his hands over his head, arches his back, and screams bloody murder. He'll put his face on my chest and push away. And a few times, he's bitten me. And then I scream. (But only inside my head...)

As much as I have read about grieving and attachment, it still caught me off-guard. I expected him grieve when we left his foster mom. Or during the first night at the hotel. Or during the first few weeks home. I guess I didn't expect it to happen in the middle of the night, seven weeks later. So when it started this week, I just didn't think grieving. This week, it's been going on about 3:30 a.m. and lasting until 5 a.m. or so. And sometimes he'll have outbursts during the day too. In general, we have days where he's just out of sorts.

But OK. I know these things take a while, so the grieving I understand. But I've been carrying this nagging feeling around that we just aren't attaching. And that's a whole other can of worms. I mentioned my concerns to our social worker, some friends, The Man. They  reminded me that it hasn't been that long and all seemed to think things were going well and I was over-reacting. Which is all likely true. But I couldn't shake the feeling.

Here's the things that bug me: it doesn't feel like LM makes much eye contact with me (how much is enough anyway?), he's not one for affection (I can give him a few hugs, but not many and it's rare he hugs back), and he is still pinching and scratching a lot, and he doesn't let us comfort him when he gets hurt. Maybe all this is normal??

But an incident at an indoor play area this week really sparked my fears. There were three other adults in the area, and wouldn't you know, he makes a beeline for those people, smiling and charming, and climbed right into their personal space without a second thought. He reached out and grabbed onto one of the lady's fingers for support as he climbed. He stood at the knee of the other, holding her leg. He never looked back. He never sought me out in the whole 30 minutes we were there.

This was just too much for me to handle. For most adoptive parents, attachment is THE KEY THING we are all worried about when our kids come home. Can we create a bond with our child? Will we be able to break through that deep sense of loss they have and get them to trust us? And don't even bring up the dreaded three letters...RAD (reactive attachment disorder) which sends shivers down the spines of even the most prepared.

As we were at that play area, I felt myself getting more and more bummed. I tried to interact with him. I called his name and scooped him up. I made faces at him. But he still didn't give me the time of day.

Haven't I been the one who has comforted (or tried to), changed, clothed, played and loved on him? Does he even know who I am? I'm not sure if he even recognized me. So, I did what any mom would do.

I gathered our things, went home, put him down for a nap, and cried my eyes out.

How do I know where we "should" be? What's "normal" behavior and what isn't? It's been 7-weeks, which seems like forever, but really, it's not that long. Is he really grieving, or is he just being a typical toddler? Maybe I'm so terrified of not connecting that it makes things seem much worse than they really are. Are all these things really something to be concerned about?

So I called several adoptive friends to try and get some perspective. A few, whose sons have been home for 7-8 months, both shared that their sons behaved similarly at this stage. They stepped up their attachment games and felt their children were now attaching well. Another friend, who I trust and value her ability to calmly assess a situation, and who has also been through this process three times, acknowledged that if she saw some of this behavior in her children, she would have been concerned. Finally, some validation for my feelings!

As always with this process, I find myself doing a lot of floundering and soul searching, and then jumping into action. Of course, I've been reading every attachment-related thing I can get my hands on. And, like most things that have to do with child-rearing, the authors have completely different viewpoints on what the "right" things to do are.

According to some of these books, we've already screwed up. One book recommends NEVER putting your child down for the first 3-4 days you are home. They say you need 1 week of very intensive bonding for each month of age you child is before they came home. That would be 10 weeks of holding LM. I don't think my arms could take it.

There were a variety of suggestions, but like all things on this journey so far, I am just learning to try and listen to my heart and gut when it comes to doing what's right for us. A challenge since I'm typically a person that is very in my head about things.

So, we've stepped up our attachment activities the past few days. He's still seemed a bit quiet and even sad but he hasn't seemed as angry. And yesterday we had a pretty nice day!

Perhaps the roller coaster is starting up the other side.

**********************

Here's some sites that we have found particularly helpful in learning some new ways to connect with LM. They are great bonding exercises for any parent/child!

Attach China: Activities to Promote Attachment  (this is an amazing list!)

A4everFamily: Attachment Activities

titushome: Bonding Games

A4everFamily: Holding Time

Home Theraplay Activities for Young Children

Quacken Baby: Attachment Therapy Activities

I needed a laugh today--you might too

This post totally cracks me up and I couldn't wait for Friday Round Up to share it with you. "Rants from Mommyland" posted this missive titled "A Few Things No One Told Me About Parenting."

Not only written funnier than hell, but true! Here's one of my favorite parts:

People are going to say stupid sh*t. I am constantly amazed at the things people think it’s OK to say. And this is coming from me -- someone who says all kinds of stupid stuff daily. Maybe these folks don’t know that what they’re saying is assholic. Maybe they don’t care. Here’s what we suggest – when someone says something like: “You should snatch that pacifier right out of her mouth. Here, let me do it for you. Wait, I’ll just wipe my hands off first – I was cutting up some raw chicken.” Just walk away. Don’t give in to the perfectly normal urge to kickpunch or teach your children new four letter words. Just smile and nod and back away as fast as you can. Meanwhile scream the following at them but only with your eyes: “YOU ARE F*CKING MOONBAT, SPITTING CHERRY PITS CRAZY AND YOU MAY NOT TOUCH MY BABY, SALMONELLA HANDS!”

Go read the rest HERE. Nod your head in agreement and smile knowingly to yourself before you go back to chasing the rug rats around.

BTW--I'm going to try and figure out how to incorporate the word "assholic" on a daily basis. Unfortunately I meet enough of them to warrant this. Besides, I just like the word.

What things should someone have told you??? I would add this to the list:

You will become intimately familiar with your baby's poop. Sometimes you will even find it interesting. The texture, consistency, and color never ceases to amaze me. I carried a poopy diaper through the house today, just to show it to The Man so he could find it amazing, just like I did. I never once imagined that I would do that. (It really was strange...looked like little rabbit poop!)

Fathers

He was a strong man. Loyal. With a deep faith.

He was a family man. He beamed with pride when he spoke of his two sons. So proud of what they had become and the lives they were leading.

He was compassionate. Always willing to lend a hand to anyone who needed it. To a fault, in fact.

He was a leader of the community. A teacher of children. And he loved to make people laugh.

This was my father-in-law, before Alzheimer's took him from us.

It was almost four years ago that we began down this awful path. The disease was stealthy and started with small signs--minor forgetfulness or not remembering which end of a wrench to use. It moved quickly though, and in a short amount of time, the man we knew had disappeared.

***************

He sobbed when we left the doctor's office after those first tests. He didn't cry for himself then. He cried for his wife--they were married 46 years at that time--and for the children who would see him change.

And change he has. He's not the man we once knew. But he is still the man we love.

Family meant everything to my father-in-law and I know that he would burst at the seams with pride to see his two sons in their new fatherhood roles. (The Man's brother has a baby just two-months younger that LM.) I can just hear him bragging about his new grandsons, and imagine him pulling out photos during his daily 5 a.m. coffee with the guys.

He taught his sons things like: if you commit to something, see it through; always return a borrowed vehicle with a full tank of gas; be charitable; be quick with your wit and your smile; they can name just about every make/model of car known to man; eat with gusto; be loyal to those you love; real men DO wash dishes and do laundry; take pride in your work. I could go on and on, but you get the idea.

***************

There are days that we are angry. We miss him terribly. We miss talking to him, getting advice, having him ask "How was your day, Babe?"

I wonder, just what kind of world is this that people are stripped away slowly, one memory at a time, from the world?

And we have shed many tears over the fact that Little Man will never know his grandfather the way we did.

On those days, I try to remember the legacy he has passed on. The Man and his brother were lucky to have him as their father. Lucky that he taught them so many good lessons that they, in turn, pass his lessons onto their sons.

I see so many similarities between The Man and his father. The way he can make people laugh. His kind heart. His love of animals.

Perhaps that's one of the most amazing things about fatherhood. No matter how much time you have with your father, it just isn't enough. But the lessons they teach you can last a lifetime.

***************

You are loved, RLG.

To my Dad, I'm thankful every day that I have you in my life. I love you!

And to The Man, I admire the father you are, and look forward to watching the father you will become.

You know what to do! Go vote!

Friday Round Up: Family day edition--6.17.2011

Yeehaw! We've had some very good days here lately. Mommy is doing the happy dance!

First off, LM seems to be connecting to us more and more. He's been copying us--sounds, faces, gestures. One of his favorites is to go "ahhhh" after taking a drink of something. Just like his Daddy.

And evidently we cough a lot because he's started doing this fake cough thing. He makes these coughing noises and then smiles and laughs. He can also flutter his tongue (like a rolling 'r' when speaking Spanish), and he's figured out he can scream. It will probably get annoying at some point, but right now it's pretty darned cute.

He is sleeping better. He's not up as much at night, usually only once or twice, and he's going back down right after a diaper change. This week, he actually slept until 7:45 a.m! Gasp! A huge departure from his regular 5:30 a.m. starts. Of course, I couldn't leave well enough alone and went into his room to check up on him. Which woke him up. Ha!

We've been getting more and more hugs. During laps around the house he'll swing by and give our legs a squeeze. Or if he's really feeling lovey, he'll climb up and give us a nice neck squeeze! And he's starting to check where we are when he's gallavanting around the house. After he got his shots on Wednesday, he even clung to my neck for comfort, which is a huge step. (In fact, he clung to me, stopped crying, looked back at the nurse and started shouting, and buried his face again into my neck. Poor little guy!)

He and Daddy started went to their first music class at the conservatory. No, we aren't those people who sign up their very young child for every class and lesson out there. But LM really enjoys music (currently he is a big fan of reggae) so we thought he'd enjoy the instruments and play time with other children.

During his first class, the 4 other students, all little girls, sat sweetly and demurely in their mommy's laps. While they delicately shook their egg shakers, LM was busting around the room hooting and hollering, dumped over the egg shaker bin in the center of the circle, and then proceeded to body surf on them. He had the sweetest grin on his face too!

To be fair, he's the only walker in the group, and who wants to sit when you can run? Daddy did a great job of baby wrangling and LM seemed to particularly enjoy playing any instrument that had sticks. Daddy got whacked more than a few times. Can't wait to see next week's exploits.

We also had our first home visit with our social worker. We have three of these to do before we can finalize the adoption. I think the visit went off well. We chatted for about an hour, talking about the family's adjustment, grieving, etc. It's still a bit unnerving to have someone write notes about things you are saying but I reminded myself that she's a person we trust and she has been such a help throughout this process. So, one down, two to go!

Have a super weekend!


*******************

This week, we are celebrating new families. (Was it only 5-weeks ago that we became a family???)

Congratulations to Rachel and Brad (Inconceivable Joy) and Lauren and Eric (How the Bush Grows), and Dave and Cindy (Our Adoption Journey) from who brought their children home this week! Check out their blogs for the details and to congratulate them yourself!

And, get some tissues, because here's a selection of gotcha day videos:


Park Family 5 Family Day Video

Olivia's Gotcha Day!

To sing, and to dance

Maya's Gotcha Day

Be a dear and vote for us!

International adoption challenges

I had a long (and depressing) conversation with our social worker the other day about the recent blows to the international adoption community. She not only works with families who are adopting internationally--she's also the mother to two Korean-born adult daughters.

We talked of the recent EP problems with South Korea, which really shocked and saddened her. Korea has been such a stable program for 40 years, so surprises are unusual.

But she also pointed out that there have been increasing global political challenges with international adoption from other countries as well. I knew that there have been issues with places like Guatemala, which has closed and re-opened it's program with shocking regularity, unfortunately.

Recently Ethiopia, who adopted 2277 children to the US in 2009, announced plans that would significantly reduce adoptions. Korea has been reducing the number of international adoptions by at least 10% each year. And many other countries are increasing regulations that would make international adoption more challenging.

A Washington Times adoption blogger outlines three countries who have made recent changes: Ukraine, Mexico and the Democratic Republic of Congo. Some of the changes are huge, such as the Ukraine's who will now require children to be at least 5 years old before they can be adopted internationally. Others are less drastic, such as the Congo's new requirement that adoptive families must travel to the birth country to bring home their children.

These changes are disheartening. When a family is choosing adoption, there are many options and you choose the one that best fits your family. For many, like us, we chose international adoption. There are a large number of children who need homes in the world. If a suitable home cannot be found for them in their country of birth, whether for cultural reasons, social, or economic strife, it makes sense to search for a family outside of the country's borders. It's heartbreaking to think that politics and bureacracies can get in the way of giving children that security.

Historically, over the 40 years of international adoption history in this country, we have seen periods of increase and decline. There is an ebb and flow of countries that are open to this process too. Hopefully the recent changes are not an indication of the future of the survival of these programs.

*********************

For more information:

New regulations make international adoption harder than ever for Americans (Washington Times)

International Adoption (Adoption 101)

Adoption Statistics (Laws.com)

Do your daily duty, and vote!

The weekend report

That was better than expected! I wasn't sure what to expect really, but the potential for disaster increases significantly when you take the whole show on the road.

Ready to hit the road! © Cheese Curds and Kimchi

First, the packing. We have a Subaru Outback Sport, the smaller of the Subaru wagons. Which seems much smaller since LM came home. This looks really ridiculous, but it wasn't that bad. We had the stuff we usually take to races like the Tropical Pug's kennel, The Man's mountain bike racing gear (helmet/shoes/etc.), an ice chest, and our overnight bag.

For LM, we brought his stroller, a pack & play, and an overnight bag for him which included his bottles, toys, formula, diapers, etc.

Believe it or not, the Tropical Pug and LM are somewhere behind this mess.

The drive went well. We broke up the 3.5 hours half-way, visiting with friends and having lunch. LM napped before and after the lunch break, and when he was awake, he watched the scenes roll by out the window.

By the time we got to the racing area, he was ready to move. While The Man pre-rode the course for a few hours, LM, the dog and I all hiked. LM was especially intrigued by the giant pine trees and loved to scratch at the bark.

The hotel stay was OK. He liked to explore the new place but had a hard time settling down for bed. Understandable since he's used to sleeping in a very quiet and dark room. He played in his crib (supplied by the hotel!) for about an hour without any fuss, and eventually crashed.

 © Cheese Curds and Kimchi

Until...he woke up screaming at 2:30 a.m.  His teeth were hurting again and he was really pissed. I'm sure the other people in the hotel were too, after listening to him shout for 20 minutes. The teething gel and ibuprofen finally did the trick, and he was asleep again before too long.

Race day was a bit of a scurry. We made it there 20 minutes before my run began. Not enough time to warm-up, I hadn't eaten much, and I was really tired. When we started the run, I grumbled that this wasn't all worth the hassle. But after 10 minutes of trucking on the trails, running through the trees on a perfect morning, I was in a much better mood. I was slower than normal since I haven't trained for 7-weeks. But it was really worth it and the run was great. I placed 5th in my age group, and 18th overall.

Afterwards, The Man handed off LM to me, and he started to prep for his race. LM was in a fine mood--happy, content, and easy going. We had a little snack and took a stroller ride to find a spot to watch The Man ride by. He crashed just before the race started and slept through the first few laps. How he managed to sleep through the yelling and the cowbells (that's how you cheer on the racers) I don't know. The Man did a great job on his race too, and we all played in the grass for a while afterwards. Then back in the car for the ride home. Which went pretty OK. No tears until the last 20 minutes of the trip.

The only drama during the trip was on the first day at the park. While LM and I were playing nearby, the Tropical Pug somehow ate something that didn't agree with him. He started throwing up and I felt like a terrible mom! He looked totally pathetic, with yellow puke on his chin and his ears hanging. The Man, during a conversation with a friend, casually started digging through the puke with a stick (gross) and couldn't find anything specific. (Vets sure do weird stuff.) So, we just watched our poor pooch closely for the next few hours, and mapped out where the nearest 24-hour clinic was in case we needed to go. That was the hardest part of the trip. (Happy to report that after a few hours, he was much perked up and was fine the rest of the weekend.)

I think we'll definitely do this again. It would be a lot easier when we aren't both racing, but I have to say, that 1/2 hour out on the course, just enjoying the music and being along was really, really nice. I think our first road trip was a success!

Don't forget to vote today!

History returned, sort of

A piece of history was returned to South Korea when France "loaned" the books back to Korea that French troops took during a raid 145 years ago. Read the story HERE.

One of the things I love about South Korea is how proud they are of their culture and history. Similar to Americans! Only, I'll bet it wouldn't have taken France 145 years to return the looted treasures if they were taken from the U.S.

It's great the French Government stepped up and returned the items. And obvious that it means a lot to the people of South Korea. I just can't figure out why they only did this as a five year renewable loan. France, you almost got it right.

Friday Round Up--6.10.2011

Off the bat: a shameless plug for moi. See this cute pink badge? It's for Circle of Mom's top 25 adoption blogger entry and we are nominated! We don't really stand a chance to win, but I'd be awful thankful if you'd click HERE to vote for us. You can vote once every 24-hours and the contest ends June 21.

Your good deed is done for the day! You've earned 541.25 good karma points. Your day will be light and happy and and you'll see rainbows! Unicorns! Your {insert favorite drink here} cup will be magically refilled! And you will feel well rested! Really!

*******************************

Beautiful Wisconsin sky, 2010 - © Cheese Curds and Kimchi

Ahem. Please fasten your seatbelts. We are about to embark on our first road trip!

Yup, we are loading up the car with a boatload of baby crap (how does one tiny person need so much stuff???), The Tropical Pug, and of course Little Man too. What a way to celebrate our one-month mark as a family! Yes, it's been one month already folks. Time is flyin'!

Ya'll might remember that The Man and I got through our summer of waiting last year by doing a whole series of 12 mountain bike/running races. It was a long summer (we raced every other weekend, spread across the entire state of Wisconsin) but we loved getting out into the woods and getting in better shape was awesome too. I actually won my age group! Total shocker.

Flash forward to this year. Racing season began May 1. Obviously we couldn't make that one, and we missed the second as well. But look out Third Race of The Season--here we come!

The Man will ride about 18 miles in his division. This is mountain biking at it's best, with lots of rocks, roots, climbs and descents. It's a very challenging course. I'm running on part of the same course, a 5K trail run. (I haven't run a straight 5K in over a month, but I'm in denial about that.)

Odds are that I'm not gonna have a great race time, which is hard for a super competitive person to say but I'm trying to get over it. My goal for the weekend is to see if we can actually do this!! Can we actually load up the whole fam damily, drive for 3.5 hours (excluding the numerous stops we'll likely have to make), stay in a hotel, get up early (OK, we know we can do that now), and then hang out in the woods for about 6 hours while Mommy and Daddy get their fitness on? Oh yeah, and then there's the drive back home,

Tropical Pug on a road trip - © Cheese Curds & Kimchi

It sounds like it could be a lot for the LM.  Usually when The Man races, I run all over the course and take photos of the bikers at different vantage points. I'm guessing I'm not going to be able to do that as easily this year. And we might have to skip watching parts of the race entirely if LM needs a time out.

This weekend is really about learning just how to juggle this stuff and how we work together as a family. How we can fit in the things that we love into this new lifestyle, introduce them to LM, and start to create our family's culture? We love to be outdoors. We love biking/running. We love going new places. And we don't want to stop doing those things. So now it's time to dig in and start doing them as a threesome.

I'm really excited about that. If not a little nervous. But looking forward to seeing how this adventure is gonna go.

That almost makes me forget that I'm totally unprepared for this run.

Almost.

Have a great weekend!

*************************

To wonder:  What would it mean to not have been adopted at all?

To laugh: Domestic Enemies of The Stay At Home Mom

To eat: Red Bean Bread

To eat on a summer night: S'mores Cake in a Jar

To see both sides of the coin: The Blind Men, the Elephant, and The Way We Talk About Adoption

To be the world's most fun-foodie mom: Ernie and Bert Fruit Snack

To promote creativity: DIY Creativity Center (Toddler Friendly and Baby Proof) 

To set you straight: The Pros and Cons of A Man Sitting Down To Pee

GamJa JoRim 감자 조림 & DuBu BuChim 두부 부침

© Cheese Curds and Kimchi

Korean dinner night! I have been inspired by Yvonne at Our Korean American Family's Korean Saturday Night dinners. And finally managed some time to cook while the Wild Man played quietly. (Did I actually say quietly???) Miracle!

First, the GamJa JoRim. I love me some potatoes, and that goes ditto for The Man. I followed THIS VIDEO from Aeri's Kitchen. I altered the recipe slightly, adding in about 1/2 cup sweet potatoes, and a little more corn syrup. Yum. Seriously. And quick to make.

Next, another Aeri's Kitchen recipe (I love her stuff!). For the Tofu BuChim, I actually used Quorn breasts instead. The recipe for the BuChim sauce is HERE. I didn't have red pepper powder on hand so I substituted Penzey's Black and Red spice instead, using about 1 tbsp.

The entire meal only took about 1/2 hour to make, and was easy to do. Hoping to work some of this stuff into our daily routine, but I'm not up to Yvonne's Saturday night feasts yet!

© Cheese Curds and Kimchi

Tear jerker alert

Yeah. Another YouTube video for you all. But have a box of tissues close by when you watch this.

Sung-Bong Choi has had an incredibly hard life. After he was left at an orphanage at the age of three, he ran away at five-years-old and lived on the street for 10 years. How it's even possible for a child to fend for themselves in this way, I just don't know.

But even more amazing is to see this young man struggle to rise above his difficult past. I'm sure he has demons to fight on a regular basis, but his drive to move forward and go after a better life for himself is so inspirational. He shares his story on the television show "Korea's Got Talent."

And what will bring you to tears is, he does have talent. Boatloads.

I am humbled by people like this and the power of their will. I am reminded that everyone has burdens, but how we shoulder them defines who we are.





Click HERE to view the video on YouTube.

Here are the lyrics he sings (according to a poster on YouTube):

• In my fantasy I see a just world where everyone lives in peace and honesty. I dream of a place to live that is always free. Like a cloud that floats full of humanity. In the depths of the soul, in my fantasy I see a bright world. Where each night there is less darkness. I dream of souls that are always free. Like the cloud that floats. In my fantasy exists a warm wind. That breathes into the city, like a friend I dream of souls that are always free. Like the cloud that float.

Go the F*!$ to sleep

Yeah, we've had some long nights here. And while I'm trying to get LM to sleep, I'll admit I'm not always thinking motherly sweet things in my head.

Evidently, neither did this author. Go the F*!$ to Sleep by Adam Mansbach is all the rage right now. A co-worker of The Man ordered several copies, including one for us!

No, I don't plan on reading it to LM as a bedtime story. It's more of a story Mommy and Daddy will read to one another over a glass of wine kind of thing.

If you are offended by a certain four-letter word, that starts with F and rhymes with 'puck' then don't bother watching this video. But if you are entertained by wry humor, press the button now!



YouTube video: A reading of Go the F*!$ to sleep

In case you are in need of a laugh

Love this! And if you are a dog owner, I'm sure you can relate.

Food in the fridge video

Friday Round Up

Chunky. © Cheese Curds and Kimchi

You all know it's been a challenging week around here. LM's new name is Little Monster. Affectionately, of course. One minute he's the sweet Cookie Monster type that you want to snuggle up with. The next, the Godzilla type monster who is destroying everything in his path. And he fluctuates between the two with lightning fast speed that gives me whiplash!

I can't believe how fast he's changing already. He's getting quite juicy, as you can tell from his cankles. Little fat calves that go straight to his ankles. Actually, the fat starts at his butt and just goes straight down in sweet little rolls. His socks look way too tight, but that's how all his socks fit!

In the midst of the melt-downs, frustrations, and teething going on around here, last week I was reminded how fortunate and blessed we are to be dealing with these *issues*.

This past week, our Korean agency, SWS, announced that it had run out of Emigration Permits for the year. The Korean government issues these permits which allow the children to be adopted out of the country. Without a permit, your baby doesn't get to come home.

They started this process back in 2007. It was a way to appease the Korean populace who are saddened and ashamed that so many of their children are being adopted internationally. They have called on the government to address this issue and many people want to see the international adoption programs from Korea closed. The program has been set to close several times, but it seems they have pushed back the closing to 2016 (for now).

I do believe that domestic adoption within Korea is the best option for these children. Don't misunderstand: we know LM was meant to be our son. And we are always thankful for this blessing. But being raised in your birth country is probably the second best thing to being raised with your birth family.

However, it isn't a popular option in Korea because of cultural beliefs. There's a lot of reasons for it, but the end result is that these kids are caught between the shame of the Korean people for *sending* their children to be raised in other countries, and the stigma of adoption in their culture.

The government's answer was a two-fold approach. They have worked hard to educate the public and increase awareness about adoption in their country. They are making headway, but very slowly. At the same time, they instituted a quota system, reducing the amount of EPs given each year by 10%, starting in 2007. Once the yearly EP quota has been met, then the children who were referred had to wait until the following year to leave. That usually happened at the end of the year and might only mean a delay of a month or two in bringing the children home.

The numbers look better for the government, but they aren't actually true. While less children are leaving each year, more children are stuck in limbo, waiting to join their families. Those referred children will roll over into the next year's EP allotment, meaning the agencies run out of EPs earlier and earlier each year. The numbers game can't be run forever.

The end of last year one of the largest agencies, Eastern, hit a wall. Families were told that children who were referred in Dec. 2010 would not be traveling until early 2012. Heartbreaking to have to wait so long after seeing your baby's face to bring them home! And it's more challenging for the children, who have spent longer periods in their foster homes and would now be about 18-months old when they came home, instead of 9-months old. This was the reason that we didn't stay with our first agency.

Social Welfare Society, our current agency, announced last week that the shortage has now affected them. Children who were referred in April will now have to wait to join their families until early 2012. In addition, they will not begin making referrals again until the fall.

We know many people who are caught in this EP snare. Friends who were thrilled at their referral and planning on bringing the 9-month-olds home in a few months, will now wait to bring home a 16-month-old toddler (or older) sometime in 2012.

This doesn't affect our process at all, but it's still sickening to think about. And what's worse is to think about it from the children's perspective. They willhave been with their foster families for much longer, making the separation from them even more difficult. We are still struggling through LM's grief and sadness about his foster family and he had only been with them 5 months. I can only imagine if he had been with them a year. And what about the foster families, who grow more attached to those sweet babies the longer they are caring for them?

There is really nothing that can be done about this. In the international adoption realm, we are at the mercy of another country's culture, decisions, and beliefs. We cannot judge whether they are right or wrong. Goodness knows that the US makes a lot of decisions that don't make sense either. We can only hope that there is a solid plan in action to support the children who are waiting for families.

Today's round-up is a list of blogs of families who are caught in the middle of the EP issue. The best thing we can do now is to support them, so please, visit these blogs and leave a comment. It really goes a long way. And if you know of others who need a little love, (or it might be you!) please leave your blog address too.

My Adoption Rant--(This blogger is not waiting for a child, but has a great explanation of the EP issue)

Adjusting our Plans
The Long and Short of Homecoming
Waiting game
Please Pray!
Joining the Army
Waiting and Gift Buying

An arranged marriage

Three weeks.

BLM (before Little Man), three weeks could pass in the blink of an eye. But these past three weeks feel like years.

I mean that in the best way possible, of course.

As much as you can try and prepare for having a child, there's just no preparation for this. And life with a toddler has made the learning curve a little steeper for us. He rarely crawls at all now that he's found his balance on two feet. We'd have it no other way, but it is strange to think that some people adjust to parenthood with a baby that stays in one place!

It's been wonderful, challenging, happy, frustrating, invigorating, exhausting...I could keep going but I think you get the idea.

The best way to sum up my emotions, is that I feel like I'm in an arranged marriage. (Disclaimer: I've never been in an arranged marriage and what I know of them has been learned through fictional stories and Lifetime movies.) I guess it's more appropriate to say this feels like what I imagine an arranged marriage feels like.

Someone matches you up with a stranger---then one day you are living together. You try to take care of all his needs despite the fact that you don't know one another at all. And you question yourself constantly...are we bonding yet? Does this guy even like me? What does he like to eat? Will we ever be fully comfortable around one another and live in harmony? Do I have to put up with that snoring for the rest of my life?

(Ok. The last one is really about The Man.)

So, after the marriage, after the parties and the celebrations, the real work begins. And so it's been for us too. We got LM home, and for the most part we all seem to be doing OK. I'm thankful that The Man has been off of work for the entire month. That has really helped the transition and made the adjustment easier for all of us. Unfortunately he heads back to work today, so I'm wondering how all this will go when I'm a solo act.

I won't sugar-coat it and say that everything has been perfect. There are plenty of those stories out there. People want expect adoptive families to be out of your mind crazy happy, because you've waited so long, been through so much, etc.

We are happy. Most of the time. And we've also had some really tough moments.

For LM, he's sorting out this whole new world. He's usually charming and smiley, but lately he's had more of a quick temper. Smiling one minute. Screaming the next. And no obvious reasons for either. That could be toddler behavior, but something in my gut says it's more. He just seems pissed. He wants to be comforted, but not by me. He wants to be held, only to push away and scream to be put down. And there's the pinching and occasional biting. He's trying to cope with those emotions that he just doesn't know what to do with.

Or perhaps this is his real personality? We just don't know enough about him to understand these things right now. That is a bit scary for me.

As for us, we're doing OK. Tired, for sure. Utterly frustrated and impatient sometimes. But mostly, it's learning to deal with a new life that is based on someone else's needs. I miss my workouts at the gym. My alone time. After-work martinis with friends. I knew those things would take a back seat for a while. But I still miss them.

The hardest part for me right now though, is the constant dialog I have with myself. A litany of questions that I ask myself every day, like some big emotional test.

The obvious one: is LM bonding to us? I just don't know. He smiles when I enter the room. He wants us to hold him (sometimes). He's been giving occasional hugs. And he's been touching gentler. This seems to happen more with me (he was really scratchy and pinchy for the first few weeks, more with me than with The Man). Now he touches my face gently sometimes, or pats me on the back when I'm holding him. Some moments I think, hey, this kid is starting to like me. And that's an awesome feeling.

I probably spend too much time thinking about this stuff. To be honest, it keeps me up sometimes at night. There are days when I feel like a miserable failure and that I need to find a way to connect with him more. So we keep having face-time. Playing lots of touching and interaction games. Trying to squeeze in a snuggle or two during a day, when he'll let me.

But the harder question (and the one that I feel like a bad mother for wondering it): do I love him yet? I mean really love him? 

That's a more complicated answer. I feel a little guilty that I'm not one of those "love at first sight" kind of moms. Yes, I was thrilled at first sight; joyed at first sight. But love comes slower for me. It's built in learning his expressions, his habits, what makes him happy, and his quirks. In unexpected hugs. In shy smiles.

That's the same way I fell in love with The Man. Slowly. One day at a time. Then one day, I realized, damn, I really, really love this guy.

And so it seems to be with Little Man. We continue to take it one day at a time. I remind myself that this is a long-term relationship. It's OK to take it slow. Over time, it will grow. A good friend told me, just before we brought LM home, that bonding goes two ways: him to us, but also us to him. How true this is.

LM is taking his time too. He's a bit cautious, just like me. The memories of his foster family are strong, and he holds on to those tightly. I do that too.

I'm glad that LM doesn't just throw his heart out there to anyone who comes along. He's building a relationship with us one day at a time. And learning things like that about him, is what makes me love him a little more each day.