Happy Mothers Day: 21 bits of advice for first-time mothers

Twenty-four months of motherhood under my belt! Wahoo!

For those of you still waiting...your day will come.

Until then, here's 24 21 things that I've learned these past months. I pass this hard-earned advice on to you in hopes that it will prepare you for this new frontier. (I wanted to do 24, but I don't have that much advice to give. And I got tired of writing this.)

1. Check your butt: You ass will probably become a repository for a strange assortment of items. I've found Cheerios, stickers, dried snot (how the hell did that happen???), rice, paint, and applesauce on my back side, among other items I'm sure I can't recall. All of these items were discovered on my butt while I was in a public place.

2. Poop still stinks, even when it's your child's: Don't believe the hype. They almost had me convinced...

3. Take time to enjoy the giggles: My eyes tear up every time I hear him belt out a full-blown belly laugh. Every. Single. Time. I try to enjoy these moments because I know at any moment this magical, made for TV experience will self destruct. Probably within the next 5 minutes.

4. Engage in a little dirty talk: Oh yes. You and your spouse will likely talk dirtier to one other than you ever have before. It just won't have the same meaning as it did before. Dirty talking to the The Man now involves describing our child's pee and poop in detail. Color, texture, consistency. Sometimes, for a little extra excitement, we text these details to one another. You know...you gotta keep things fresh in your relationship.

5. Always blame the dog: If you don't have a dog, get one! They are incredibly useful in the kitchen during toddler meal time when a spill happens. You can blame them when an annoying musical toy goes *missing*. And they are good as bribery  motivation---"you can give the dog a treat if you will stop screaming at the top of your lungs".

6. Private time: It's really sorta sweet when Little Man tries to squeeze behind the toilet and offers to help me wipe. Totally gross. But the sentiment is nice. (The moral of this story is that there is no private time.)

7. Don't try this at home: Do not attempt to blow raspberries on your naked baby boy's stomach when you are holding him upside down. Unless you don't mind being poked in the eye by baby boy genitalia. Disregard this tip if you have a girl.

8. Naptime kicks ass: I can't tell you just how much I. Love. Nap. Time. It's especially good when the baby naps at the same time.

9. Good enough: I've learned to accept that everything cannot be done to perfection. Perfection comes at a price, which is usually less sleep. Which Mama cannot due without.

10. I was a perfect parent:...until I had a baby. I'm not gonna sugar-coat it. It's damn hard. I take back all those things I said about other parents. Even though most of them were probably true.

11. Mom's say the funniest things: Like, get your finger out of the dog's butt, quit licking the cat, I'm sorry your broccoli is green, and quit pulling on that thing or you are going to break it. (Yes, it was that thing.)

12. Forget sleep: The later you stay up, the earlier your child will wake. Be prepared. Invest now in the best eye-puffiness-reducing, dark-circle-concealing, haggard-look-camoflauging make-up you can find.

13. Leak City: There does not appear to be a sippy cup in existence that does not leak. You have been warned.

14. Mom Brain: Continuous exposure to extreme baby cuteness may turn your brain to mush. I'm here to testify that it can happen to you. And to warn you that said "Mom Brain" can be the leading cause of potential household disasters, such as starting a small fire in the kitchen, locking yourself out of the house, locking your keys and baby in the car, etc. Not that I know anything about that.

15. Time waster: There is an inversely proportional relationship between how long it takes you to make a wonderful, healthy dinner, and how much of that dinner your toddler will eat.

16. Tomorrow is a miracle: We are imperfect beings. No matter how difficult the day, how frustrating the situation, it's only temporary and you are doing your best. Tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start. I live by this.

17. Of course: The loudest, most annoying, commercialized, cliche toys out there---yeah, your kid will want to play with it for hours.

18. Living backwards: I use reverse psychology and tell Little Man NOT to do something in order to get him to do it. Works like a charm! (Note: this method has the exact opposite effect on your spouse.)

19. Leave early, get there late: Dress baby. Load bags of emergency items into car. Load stroller into car. Change baby into new outfit after he smears peanut butter on shirt. Fill sippy cup. Fill snack trap. Find shoe that baby has removed and hidden in the couch. Carry baby to car. Buckle car seat. Lock up house. Get in car and smell baby poop. Remove baby from carseat.....

20: Enjoy it: Take time to enjoy new things. Like road construction. Never saw myself enjoying that before, but it's actually become enjoyable with tiny toddler in the back seat is oohing and ahhing over the diggers and dump trucks.

21. Bedtime: Bedtime is my ultimate favorite. I used to dread putting him to bed, but now, it's truly the best part of my day. When I get that big snuggle at night before bedtime, looking into my sweet boys eyes as he falls asleep, I can't believe I'm lucky enough to be this kid's mom.

Parenting inspiration

I won't lie. I find parenthood difficult. It's the hardest I've ever done in my life. (Next to being married. That's darn hard too.)

Don't get me wrong. I'm deliriously happy that our family is finally together. And that boy makes my heart smile. And his belly laugh positively melts me. I never imagined that once LM came home it would be all baby-infused bliss (you know I'm much more of a realist than that!).

But it's no walk in the park either. How come the things that can make you happiest aren't always rainbows and butterflies and cotton candy and bubbles and hand-blended margaritas? OK, maybe the last one is unique to my list of things that make me happy.

Most of the time I'm very thankful to be a mama. I've learned a lot about myself in the past few months, both good and bad. I know becoming the mom I'd like to be is a progression.

We are all still adjusting and learning how to live with one another. Yes, it can be physically draining and emotionally exhausting. (There are many more blog posts to come on these topics, I'm sure.) Despite it all, there are also moments when I can step outside of the work and appreciate the amazing life that I have been gifted with.

But other times...damn. Some days it's hard to see the warm fuzzy side of parenthood. Somedays I'm not even sure he likes me.

This push and pull makes me a bit crazy. And you know when that mama-guilt spies a crack in the armor, it pushes it's way to the frontlines, lickety-split. You should be so happy now. Nothing should ever make you sad again now that your baby is home. Why can't you just look like those families you see in the J Crew catalogs? I'll bet those moms love to change diapers and deal with screaming toddlers. They probably manage to take a shower every day, too. And their hair is perfect.

I'm hoping I'm not the only one that feels like this sometimes. I'm about 68.2% sure I'm not the only one. I just keep at it each day, trying to be the mom that this little boy needs. I'm feeling a little bit sorry for myself right now but really, it's OK. There are tough patches, and anything worth doing is usually hard to do.

And this is definitely worth doing.

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In the off chance that there are a few of you out there who get overwhelmed at times, here's a few links to some awesome posts that have given me a pick-me-up lately.

2011 Lesson #2: Don't Carpe Diem {Momastery}

When parenting means steering into the skid {Simple Mom}

I don't want my children to be happy {It's almost naptime!}

I heart this adoption community

Time and time again I am blown away by the adoption community. I have no idea of the birthing community is the same or not. But the friendship, support and camaraderie we have encountered on this journey is amazing.

And much needed. During the wait, and definitely afterwards as well.

I found emotional support and information about the process from other bloggers, members of our support group, other adoptive families, message boards, Facebook groups, and of course, friends and family. We still network with those groups as we navigate the challenges of being a family.

So it feels really great to pass our knowledge on to others! A few days ago I chatted with a woman I met about 6 months ago. I met her through Craigs.list when we were searching for all the baby stuff we needed before LM came home. This sweet lady already had three little wigglers (she also had the cutest Amy Coe bedset that I purchased from her!) and she asked how old my child was. This led to me sharing that we were waiting for our son to come home. And she shared that she and her husband had been considering adoption when she became pregnant with #3. It was a really nice conversation and I remember feeling warm and fuzzy that a stranger could be so genuinely happy for our adoption.

She had kept our original email exchange and contacted me because adoption is still in her family's heart. They are just starting the process and she's reaching out to people she knows who have experience with adoption to try and make some decisions.

It just made my heart so full to share our experience. It wasn't long ago we were in her place, and struggling with the hows and what ifs in choosing adoption. We know that it can be a difficult process, and are so thankful that we can help others as we were helped.

This is another part of being an adoptive family that I hadn't really considered. You become a representative of the process, which can be both a good thing and a bad thing at times. But I like being a resource for others. Its a payback to the adoption world for all the help and support we've received along the way.

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Need a little support on your adoption journey? Thought this was a nice idea.

Friends for Adoption

You are paired with another person going through the same journey and encourage one another. Each month you send something small (under $15) which could be a gift, card, etc. Just something to help one another survive the wait, the ups and the downs.

Don't you love the adoption community?

Connecting: Toy Drops!

Image from The Toy Society-Drop #1454

Found: Rattling in the back of our drawers, a collection of army men, yo-yos, slingshots, and other small toys.

Mission: To dispose of these items in a playful and fun way.

Target: Members of our neighborhood. Specifically, a house of three rambunctious boys ages 5-9.

The Plan: We packaged toys into plastic lunch bags, with a tiny note inside letting them know they needed good homes. And then, during a walk with the dog, we covertly tossed them onto their lawns.

We had so much fun doing this and wondering if the kids got the surprises. (Of course, now as a someday-to-be parent, I wonder if I would have let our kid have toys that he found in our yard in a similar manner. Probably not!)

Anyhoo...I remembered this adventure in fun when I came across this site, The Toy Society. Spreading hand-made goodness to people everywhere! (In a much more official way than we did.) It started in Australia and is such a genius idea. I love making things for others, and it's especially fun to think about those gifts being a treasure for other people to find. Random acts of crafting kindness!

So check out The Toy Society site. Click on the Dropped button to read all the inventive ways that people left their little pressies behind for others to find. And click on the Found button to learn where all those bags of joy ended up.

Just another awesome way to connect with strangers and put a little more hand-made happiness into the world. And wouldn't it be fun to do with children?

I'm on board! What about you?

PSST--Stay tuned to see what/where we will do a drop. Here's a little hint...it's very far away!

The source of all happiness...

© Cheese Curds and Kimchi

"The source of all happiness lies 

in thinking of others." 

                                                         --Shantideva

If we've learned one thing from this process, it's that small gestures, and simple kindnesses go a long way.

When we first began our homestudy, a card from my dearest friend M calmed me down. She let me know that all the worries and fears I had were not a sign that I was going to be an overbearing neurotic mother (which we both know that I probably will be). That card gets me through the tough moments, reminding me that I'm experiencing the same fears that all soon-to-be mothers go through.

Our fitness trainer asked about "her baby" every week during our training sessions. We'd fill her in when we caught our breath between squats, sprints and lunges. Her joy and excitement always gives us a smile long after we leave the gym.

And when I was frustrated over attempting to learn Korean, a fellow blogger (canigetsomesugarwiththeselemons) shipped out some Korean language CDs. (Thanks Heather!) For the record, I'm still terrible at speaking Korean, but the fact that she reached out to help when I was struggling was really touching.

I know I'll think tons more examples as soon as I hit the publish button, but you get the idea. When I think about all the love, determination and support that goes into bringing a child home...it's quite amazing isn't it?

I know other people need that same love and support for other issues in their lives. And I'm trying to incorporate more giving into my daily routine. One thing I've been doing recently is to participate in the Drop A Love Bomb project (part of It Starts With Us which is also a great project). I get an email once a week, sharing the story of someone who needs support. I head over to their blog and leave a comment. It's that easy.

Photo from makeachildsmile.org

I also just found the Make A Child Smile site, where there are 3 featured kids each month who are seriously ill. You send them a letter, postcard, or whatever you choose to send to help keep their spirits up. The site can be a bit confusing, but dig around for the FAQ and you'll figure it all out.

Do you have other ways that you like to show people you are thinking of them?

And thank you, to everyone who has taken time to show us that they care. It really does make a difference.

Sweet Pea needs you

Not a lot of time to blog today, so this one is quick. Just found this super awesome project called the Sweet Pea Project.

Here's info from the project's site:

"Why are these blankets so important?

When a child dies before or shortly after birth, the parents leave the hospital with broken hearts and empty hands.  The loss is amplified by the fact that there are often very few tangible items to remember the child by.

The Sweet Pea Project collects blankets to donate to hospitals and birthing centers.  The blankets are lovingly wrapped around these precious babies and then given to the parents to keep.  So far, the Sweet Pea Project has donated over 700 blankets to grieving parents. It is our hope that the project will continue to grow so that every parent who faces this profound loss is given a soft blanket to snuggle their child in, and remember their child by."

The program was created by a mom to honor her daughter's death.

What's really neat is that I learned about this through another blogger at Funny Little Pollywogs. She is trying to collect 100 blankets to donate by Oct. 15. Go HERE to read her post, and to join in her blanket bonanza.

Or check out the Sweet Pea Project HERE for more information on the program, donations, and how you can get involved.

Goodness knows we are all trying so damned hard to have a family. The road to parenthood is fraught with potholes and we can take time to comfort others who feel pain on the journey.