Link love

Seen some good things on the Interweb lately. Thought I'd share!

A fantastic piece by blogger Rachel Macy Stafford on slowing down and learning lessons from your children.

My carefree child was a gift to my Type A, task-driven nature --but I didn't see it. Oh no, when you live life distracted, you have tunnel vision -- only looking ahead to what's next on the agenda. And anything that cannot be checked off the list is a waste of time.

Whenever my child caused me to deviate from my master schedule, I thought to myself, "We don't have time for this." Consequently, the two words I most commonly spoke to my little lover of life were: "Hurry up."

I keep thinking about this, although my guy is more similar to my Type A, hurry up and go style. But on occasion, he slows WAAAYYY down and I get a bit crazy.  Guess the post spoke to me more about appreciating your child for who they are and making adjustments in your life for their personalities.

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This TED Talk has been the talk of our household. Both The Man and I watched it and it completely resonated with us! Our lives have been a bit complicated lately. And work, for both of us, has been a challenge. The sciency bits of this really helped confirm what we already knew---things appear easier/better in your life when you train yourself to look at life as easier/better. It's a mindset thing.

Also, my biggest takeaway moment is quit putting your happiness on the shelf.  I'll be happy when I get this, when we have a new bathroom, when I get that promotion, etc. Happiness is RIGHT NOW! This life, this moment. Because our moments are finite and I want to quit wasting them while I wait for *the moment*.

This video is soooo worth the 12 minutes it takes to watch it. My only criticism is that this guy talks so damned fast!



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Here's the latest in the awful saga of Adoptive Couple v. Baby Girl. If you haven't heard about this case, it's about the battle between a domestic adoptive family and the child's birth father for custody of a three year old girl. The case has went all the way to the Supreme Court because it is challenging the 1978 Indian Child Welfare Act.

Listen to the Radio Lab podcast (below) which presents both sides of the issue in such an emotional and compelling way. Adoption law is such a challenging and complex thing and never before have I heard/read anything that shows you just how heart-wrenching it is for those involved. Regardless of how you see the case, it's unarguable that the legal wrangling will have life-time impacts on this child. She's been wrenched from the only family she knew once, and it appears that she will be removed from her home, yet again.

Breaks my heart for them all.

Go to Radio Lab's website for a whole boatload of links about how this issue has been unfolding.





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My friend at work was laugh-crying at her computer. I asked if she was OK and she shook her head, saying "damn you autocorrect". I haven't seen the site in a while. Just trolled through the "best of" section. Damn you, is right. My stomach hurts! Go check it out and LOL, followed by ROFL.

Best of DYAC

Friday Flotsam: 11.2.2012

I hope you are sitting down. You should be, for shock of seeing an actual Friday Flotsam post, ON A FRIDAY!! It must be weird for you.

Halloween came and went, and this year we had so much fun! Little Man was a pirate. He isn't much of a fan of accessories such as a hook, eye patch or even carrying a candy bucket. I was able to pin him down and draw on a goatee. It only lasted a few minutes with all the drool and snot. :)

He had a full Halloween weekend. It started with a trick or treating party at his school. Cute as a bowlful of kittens watching all those 2-year-olds march around their school. That night the entire school had an old-fashioned Halloween party with games, pizza and a caramel apple station. Little Man hooked up with kids from his classroom, one named Quinn, and they ran all over the place having a blast. It was really cool to see him actually playing with other kids instead of side-by-side play as kids do when they are younger. He's growing up so fast! 

On Sunday, we did trick or treating. I know it was only the 28th, but here in Wisconsin they do this crazy thing of SCHEDULING TRICK OR TREAT TIMES. Crazy!! And it's not even on the 31st! Odd tradition, but there you have it.

So, at 1 p.m. in the afternoon on a Sunday, we headed out. He got the hang of trick or treating pretty fast which was lots of fun. We have a great neighborhood and know all the folks on both sides of the street for about 4-5 houses in each direction. He knocked, said "E-E treat!" and then proceeded to help himself to their candy bowl. Ha! This year we did let him have a bit of candy which he thoroughly enjoyed. In fact, bribery was the only way I could get him to keep his pirate hat on.

When we got home I deftly maneuvered and replaced most of his candy with small toys (bugs and spiders) and fruity or healthier snacks. I know, we are the meanest parents ever not to let him fully indulge in all the candy. I'm sure we won't get away with this in the next few years.

Sunday night we hooked up with some friends for what we call "the baby rave". It's an annual Halloween party put on the village. A live DJ, plenty of decorations and smoke, glow sticks and goody bags. The party has it all. And, a giant bonfire! We hung with the kiddos for a bit, and then called it quits.

So after our huge Halloween weekend, the actual Halloween day was pretty uneventful.

Now to start thinking of something original for next year's costume. Hate buying the costumes, but dang, who has time to actually make something??!!

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A must read post about Katie, who loves all things Star Wars and has been bullied for it. Some serious Star Wars fans had her back and made her a custom Stormtrooper costume, following the original movie specs. Awesome!
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Love the idea of sending notes in the kiddo's lunch to let them know that you miss them. HERE is a good post with a download to some fun games you can put in your kid's lunch.
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I really love this post about trying to appreciate and remember all the fleeting moments as we watch our children grow. Two is really such a magical age (when it's not the oh-my-god-I-hope-he-outgrows-this-soon age).
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I'll be joining in on this 21 Days of Gratitude project. Always great to step back and look at the wonderful, the positive, the good in your life. Check back tomorrow when I'll get the gratitude rolling!

Friday Flotsam: 2012.10.26ish

I'm seriously thinking about giving up on Friday Flotsam. It's not that I don't want to do it. It's just that by the end of the week I'm busy catching up on all the things that I didn't get done during the week.

So...you have Friday Flotsam on a Monday afternoon. Wednesday night Friday Monday morning. I know you understand. But for the Type-A person I am, this just won't do.

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Two weekends ago (since I'm weeks behind here) we headed out in 50-degree weather, braving the downpour and strong winds to watch The Man race mountain bikes. Little Man and I bundled up, put on our rain gear and had a ball stomping in puddles and playing in the rain.

But it got cold and so we decided to warm up in the car. I've always been paranoid about starting the car with him in it, worried that the inevitable "doors locked with baby inside" combination would happen. But we were freezing...so I started the car and rolled down the window while I tried to break down our stroller. I let the wild man rove unbelted because we were going to be hanging in the car for quite a while.

Once I was done, I rolled the window up and realized I had left something in the stroller. I reached for it and---the car door closed. And guess what?

It was locked.

So now, I have energy boy bouncing around in a running vehicle, while we are out in the woods and far away from any help.

Crap.

I quickly remembered we had a hide-a-key and had a sigh of relief to know the crisis was averted.

Except the hide-a-key evidently fell off at some point.

Now I was starting to panic. Little Man though, thought this was great fun, jumping around in the car while Mommy stood in the rain.

Going for broke, I thought I'd try one last thing. I called to Little Man and pointed frantically at the window buttons on the door. He hesitantly stepped into the front seat and looked at me inquisitively. Then he began raiding the bag full of lunch snacks that was sitting on the passenger side. I kept knocking and pointing. He gave me a sly smile and touched the controls. I jumped up and down and clapped, cheering for him. So he did it again. The window cracked an 1/8". More cheering and jumping. And he repeated the action.

A few seconds later the window was open enough that I could get into the car.

Whew!

The car now has a new hide-a-key. And Little Man knows how to open the windows.

So, win-win, right?

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Just downloaded the CharityMiles app on my iPhone. Have any of you used this? Corporate sponsors donate $.25/mile for walking or running and $.10/mile for biking to a charity of choice. Yay! Now I can get sweaty and do some philanthropy at the same time.

A great story about an U.S.-born Korean woman who returns to the land of her mother's roots, and her journey through the culture and their food. Good story (so far...still trying to finish it).

We are trying THIS GAK RECIPE this weekend. Looks like sticky fun!

Friday Flotsam: 10.12.2012

Grab the tissues---you are going to need them when you watch this movie trailer. Remember the pastor that I mentioned in THIS post? Well, here's a preview of a new documentary film that features him and his work.

There are so many reasons I cried when watching this. Of course, it's hard to think about babies being abandoned in this way. Imagining them, alone and vulnerable like this is terrifying. It hurts to think of the questions that will surely arise for them later as they deal with the fact that they were abandoned in a box.

But I feel equally as hurt to envision the pressures these mothers must have been under to do such a thing. The very act of placing your child in a box is so desperate, broken, hopeless. It speaks volumes that they could not look someone in the face and place their child in their arms. Do they feel ashamed? Ashamed that they are pregnant? Or ashamed that they cannot or choose not to care for the child?

We can't know what the circumstances are that led to the decision, but surely, the lack of acceptance for an unwed mother in the Korean culture must be a mitigating factor for many of them.

I have no blame for them. No blame for the society or culture. It is what it is. It's just difficult to see the results---abandoned children.

But mostly the tears start to fall when I think, that could have been my child. That could have been my child's birth mother who was making that decision. But it wasn't because she made an adoption plan for him. She braved walking into an agency, having a conversation with people face to face, and following through on a plan for her baby. Thank goodness she had the conviction to do this!

I wonder if she had doubts about doing it this way? Wonder if she too was ever tempted to try and hide, to keep this child's birth a secret and place him in a box where she'd never have to answer questions about why and how? What made her choose her path? Oh, how I wish I could talk with her and ask.

I wish I could thank her.

Of course, there are some happy tears too. Thankful tears, that there are good people out there like this pastor. Good people who take the most innocent and give them a place---a family.

I'm gonna be a mess when this movie comes out. Better start buying stock in Kleenex now!

So watch this preview. And get through it without a tear. I dare you.



"The Drop Box" - Documentary PROMO from Brian Ivie on Vimeo.

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Love, love, LOVE this post by Martha Osborne about adopting your last child.
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Adoring this sweet quilting pattern. A shame I don't quilt....but my Mom does. Hint, hint!
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Genius! How to make gift bags from newspaper!
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This Pumpkin Lust cake is calling my name.
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A super amazing collection of photos from President Obama's tenure, in Portrait of a Presidency. Regardless of your political convictions, it's a great insight into the White House and wonderful photography by Pete Souza..
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Just added The Korean Cinderella to our book wish list. There are lots of insights to Korean culture and tradition woven through the book.

Friday Flotsam: 10.5.2012

Our third ChuSeok came and went. Unfortunately, this year's holiday wasn't one for our record books.

We had planned to celebrate with our friends at Families Through Korean Adoption, but on Friday, Little Man came home with a fever....which persisted through the weekend.

So, on to Plan B. I had everything to make jab chae except the motivation. So, we got take-out from the Korean restaurant in town and piled onto the couch and watched Toy Story. Little Man is not the kind of guy who sits still very long, so this was the first time that we've ever done that! And we forgot how much we loved this movie!

I feel sort of guilty that while Little Man wasn't feeling great, I was really loving the snuggle time with him. I mean, really loving it. I am now fighting off the paranoid notion that I'm a bad mommy and probably have Munchausen By Proxy.

After Little Man was in bed early, The Man and I stuffed our faces with a dozen of the ridiculously awesome cookies that I had baked to take to the FTKA party. The eating of the cookies continued throughout the weekend until Monday and I sent the remaining two dozen cookies to work with The Man.

Ugh. Guess I'll be spending extra time at the gym this week.

The upside is that by Monday, Little Man was feeling lots better and back to his very sassy self.

Hoping next year we'll be able to celebrate in a more traditional style!
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Better late than never...some ChuSeok related posts... The Korean Cinderella: Review and Cultural Discovery Basket
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A great post about integrating Korean culture into your American lifestyle: Korea in our hearts.
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An insight into the traditional woman's role at Chuseok and a modern woman's take on it: Things I like and don't like about the Lunar New Year.
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The recipe for the super awesome irresistible Peanut Butter Pudding Cookies! (Seriously, you have to try these.)

Friday Flotsam: 9.28.2012: Lessons from my Grilled PB&J

© Cheese Curds & Kimchi

Hey Universe,

How are things going? Long time, no type.

Well, I was just sitting here, eating my grilled PB&J, and it made me think of you. You see, I recently discovered the grilled PB&J, and oh man, I gotta tell you, it's uh-may-zing. Why have I never made this before? I've always loved the simplicity that two pieces of bread, peanut butter and orange marmalade can bring. But grilling it took it to a whole new level--warm and gooey and...heavenly.

Yes, I just used the word heavenly to describe my sandwich.

So, you might be wondering, Universe, why the hell I'm rambling on about my sandwich?

It's like this: I've always loved my PB&J. I was perfectly happy with it and didn't have a complaint. I never felt like I was missing anything when I ate it. It filled me up. It left me satisfied. It was my go-to staple.

Too tired to cook? PB&J.
Bad day at work and need some comfort food? PB&J.
Going on a picnic at the lake? PB&J.
Having lunch with your favorite 2-year-old? PB&J!

Do you understand how loved my PB&J is? So maybe now you can understand why I'm so blown away to realize that changing one small thing---grilling it---could make it so much more amazing and enjoyable.

Who knew? So I started wondering...what about those other changes I've been thinking about that would make a big difference in my life? Move beyond food here. I'm talking about real changes that have been on my mind for a long while.

But I've been too scared, or lazy, or resistant, or stubborn to make them.

I'm not saying that I'm not incredibly thankful for all you've given me, Universe. Really and truly I am. I'm not playing that dangerous game of "I wish" or "if only". These are just a few things (OK, they are kinda big) that would bring me closer to things I already love, and re-align my priorities to reflect the changes in the past couple years.

I've tasted heavenly (see paragraph two). I know it's a little extra work but it's totally worth it. I'm not afraid of work. Never have been. But change...you know I'm not great with change.

They say that if you are open to new opportunities, state your intentions outloud and the opportunities will find you.

So, Universe, I hope you are listening. This is a long way of saying that I'm open. Open to new possibilities. Open to the unknown. Open to exploring. Open to making some changes. Gulp.

In short, I'm open to grilling.

Love, Pix

P.S. Don't forget to try the grilled PB&J!

Friday Flotsam: 9.14.2012

Oops. Fell off the wagon again. Last week my parents were here and there wasn't a single moment to blog! We filled every minute we could with family and had a blast! Every day, the first thing Little Man would say when he awoke was "Grandma sleeping? Papa?" and he'd rush out the door to track them down.

We did a couple huge things while they were here. The first weekend, The Man tried his hand on the race track. He's not a big racing fan, but he's always said he thought it would be a blast to drive one of those cars. So he did! We got him a day racing experience at the track where he took a short driving class and then drove a race car for 12 laps! Awesome!

Big grin! © Cheese Curds & Kimchi

The next weekend we ran the Tough Mudder. So much fun! It seems like another lifetime when The Man and I went off and did these sort of silly things. Grandma and Papa came with us and Little Man hung out with his favorite babysitter. We came back covered in mud and really tired, but wearing huge smiles. Sometimes it's really great to get out and do things alone.

Tough Mudders. © Cheese Curds & Kimchi

The rest of our days were filled with Little Man goading them to chase him around the house, or snuggling up with Grandma, or hanging out on Grandpa's shoulders. We found all sorts of little things during the day...a picnic in the park, hanging on the beach, hiking in the woods, touring the Miller Brewery, hunting for butterflies at the nature preserve, going to the kite festival and listening to music at Jazz in the Park.

Looking for frogs. © Cheese Curds & Kimchi

Captivated by the kites. © Cheese Curds & Kimchi

Picnic. © Cheese Curds & Kimchi

But then, before we knew it, the week was over. Definitely the worst part of the week! We watched them load up into their motor home, Grandma and I shedding more than a few tears. I wasn't sure what reaction Little Man would have, but he did great. He waved and blew kisses. You aren't ever really sure what kids this age are processing, but he told us later (over and over) about how Grandma and Papa got in their "big truck" and went bye-bye. He gets this little sad face when he tells us the story. And now he just pretends they are here, and leaves them cookies at the places where they sat at the table.

Thanks Grandma and Papa for coming out! We had an awesome time.

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Here are my favorite posts this week:

We just got this book, "I Love You Rituals". Can't wait to dig in and will let you know what we think!
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I loved this post about a family visiting their daughter's birth town in China. With their two oldest sons, the family traveled to China to bring home their daughter, and stopped off to visit her birth city and orphanage. The simplicity and directness of this post was very touching.
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Watch this beautfiul performance of the the gayageum, a traditional Korean musical instrument, posted at This Corner Of The Earth.
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Kids are back at school, and here's a short article about lessons learned in the classroom with internationally adopted children.
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Love this idea for turning children's art into tea towels.
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OMG. Seriously? Is Christmas really right around the corner? Better print this adorable Christmas Santa Beard countdown. 
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This looks like the perfect treat for fall. Autumn brittle with dried fruit and nuts! Yummmmm.

Friday Flotsam: 8.24.2012

© Cheese Curds and Kimchi

Saw the first signs of fall while walking in the woods with Little Man. It's my favorite season and oh, so bittersweet. Love the colors. The crisp air. Love bringing out sweaters and snuggling under blankets. Hot apple cider and the sound of leaves crunching underfoot.

So much to love about fall, except....it's followed by a very long winter here in Wisconsin.

Sigh.

Can't believe summer is really over. But I am looking forward to sharing some of my favorite fall things with Little Man. That's something to look forward to.

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Not sure what to make of this story about a mysterious disease affecting Asians and Asian-born populations.
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Make these personal-sized baked oatmeal snacks this week. Yummy, easy, and no more excuses for skipping breakfast!
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Going to try this idea for creating personalized coloring pages from photos. Think it's a great idea to help Little Man build recognition for family members who live far away.
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I remember my mom leaving a big bowl of candy on our porch each Halloween when we'd be out trick-or-treating. I'm sure the entire contents were dumped into the first kids' candy bag, but you have to leave something out, right? Anyway, leave it to Martha Stewart to create a cute version---a lollipop pumpkin.

Friday Flotsam: 8.3.2012

Made this picture of a tip jar at the State Fair. The girls definitely had a sense of humor.

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"No. Bite. Nana. Gus."

Little Man's first four-word sentence last week as he was eating a banana and wanted to tell our dog Gus that he wasn't going to get a bite. (LM is quite bossy with Gus and quite particular about who he shares banana with.)

It's so fun to see his language skills developing. Actually, it's one of the most entertaining things about this stage for me. In the middle of tantrums, indecision and his constant insistence in doing everything himself, when he uses a new word it always makes me smile.

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Great news for several of our Korean adoptive parents who recently received referrals. (Hooray for Dana and Elizabeth!) And plenty of other folks who received travel news. So happy to see things moving again on the Korean adoption front!

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Found THIS awesome tutorial and plans for making a see saw for around $30. Thinking The Man has a new project...my contribution will be riding on it!

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Because I believe all things are connected and I have an affinity for silver rings, totally lusting after THIS right now. They also do custom name rings for all you mamas out there.

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Great piece on teaching your children to be problem solvers in this post Evergreen "answers" to your kids' questions at Parent Hacks. Think I'm going to apply some of these techniques to the adults I know who seem to be independently challenged....

Friday Flotsam: 7.27.2012

© Cheese Curds and Kimchi

All winter long here in Wisconsin, we are waiting for the weather to get warmer so we can play outside.

This summer, we've waited for the weather to cool down so we can play outside.

Sigh. I'm so over this heat.
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Our second batch of robins have hatched! They nested in the tree right outside our bedroom window, giving us an up-close view of the whole process. The first fledglings left the nest last month, and now we have another batch of 4 babies! This poor brood has had it a bit rough with the heat and rain the past few days. The pic above is last month's babies just after hatching.
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Just read this super great article at Rage Against The Machine titled "parents, please educate your kids about adoption so mine don't have to". Please read it, whether you are an adoptive family or not. In fact, please please please read it especially if you are not an adoptive family.
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Hanging with Grandma this week. The Man's mom made the trek out and is staying with us for two weeks. Little Man is having a ball and enjoys having another person to entertain boss around. We are enjoying having an extra pair of eyes and hands. And another bonus---we get to go out to dinner, just the two of us! It's sure gonna be hard when she has to go...

Friday Flotsam: Can I get a whoop whoop? (Or at least a vote?)

Try not to be shocked. I'm doing a Friday Flotsam.


This week, the thing that keeps running through me is the feeling of thankfulness and being grateful. For things in my own life, and for others as well.

Right now, several of the women in an online support group I'm in, are in Seoul right now meeting their children.

I know some of these women in real life, and others in the virtual world. But I know all have waited anxiously for the day that they would finally be able to meet their child. I can remember that day so well. Hard to believe that it's been almost a year for us! I'm so happy for those who are there now, and more will be traveling in the weeks to come since the EPs are moving once again. Doesn't the thought of new families just make you all warm and fuzzy all over??

Oh, and check this out! Some super sweet person nominated our 'lil 'ol blog for a Circle of Moms Top 25 award. Awesome! (Makes me feel sorta bad for being a slacker blogger lately. Whoever you are anonymous person, I'll try to make it up to you.)

So, would you be a doll and click HERE and give us a vote? I'd hate to come in last. You know how competitive I am. You can be even a bigger sweetie and vote for us once a day! (And of course you can count on me to pester remind you about that.) Voting ends April 26.

You can go HERE to check out lots of other awesome blogs about adoption and foster parenting. We are sitting at #35 right now. Think we can make it into the top 25??? Vote!!

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To make: Origami Easter Bunny tutorial
To eat: Mixed up Mandu
To have fun and make music: Incredibox (it's free!)

Friday Flotsam: 3.23.2012

Surprise! A Friday Flotsam! Unfortunately, blogging has fallen a bit by the wayside lately. I really don't like that because there's something comforting in sitting down to think and write and share. I miss the "me" time!

I'll catch ya up later on what's going on around here. But today we wanted to give a big birthday shout-out to my folks, AKA, Gamma and Papa.

Gamma's birthday is today, and Papa's is tomorrow. Little Man really loves to spend time with them both, but since we live so far from them, he mostly has gotten to know them through our video chats.

Christmas morning: opening presents from Gamma and Papa during a video chat. © Cheese Curds & Kimchi

Every Sunday, we fire up the computer and visit. Sometimes LM hangs out on our laps and talks to them. Sometimes he shows off by running around the room and showing them his toys. He's also played some fun games of hide and seek with them, and chatted with them while he was taking a bath and eating dinner.

Lately his favorite thing to do is to have them try some of his cooking. He holds a ladle or cookie up to the computer monitor where their faces are. They lean in close to the camera on their end and take a bite. LM thinks this is the coolest thing!

I can't tell you how fun these chats are, and I'm so glad there is the technology out there to help bridge the distance between us. And it's nice that Gamma and Papa make the time to do this every week. They even fired up the computer for a chat when they were recently on vacation at the beach. Cool!

So Happy Birthday to my parents, two super awesome people who have always been there for us through the joys and trials of our lives, and who are fantastic grandparents!

We love you guys! Please feel free to leave comments and wish them Happy Birthday!

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To laugh: Baby Sleep Positions
To surprise: Ice Cream Sundae Kit
To remember: It's Homestudy Day and I'm Not Perfect Yet
To play: 39 Ideas To Play And Learn With Playdough
To remind them you love them: No Time To Be Fun
To teach: Why I Argue In Front Of My Kids (Sometimes)
to be honest: A long, rambling post in which I talk about attachment

Friday Flotsam: 1.6.2012

Can't believe how fast kids learn things! Here are some of the things that Little Man learned this week (at least all that I can recall in my pre-coffee haze this morning):

• how to blow a harmonica
• how to open the garbage can (step on the pedal)
• how to climb on top of the dining table (not allowed!)
• how to turn the lamp in his bedroom on and off
• how to "give kisses" (he just leans forward and lets you do all the work)

Tomorrow he will be 18-month-old!  But he seems so much more like a toddler these days...sniff.

Sending you off with one of my favorite videos to watch lately. So well produced and so creative!



The Alphabet 2 from n9ve on Vimeo.

Have a super weekend.


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To understand: Inside a toddler's brain

To give: Foodie gifts to give

To laugh: Damn you auto correct

To consider: Some Asian students don't identify as Asian for college admissions

To store for next year: DIY Ornament storage

Friday Flotsam 12.2.2011

He tears down the hallway, dodging an unused walker parked against the wall. He turns the corner and the room echos with the "clop clop clop" sound of his shoes slapping against the tile. He lets out a squeak of joy, the smile spread wide across his face as he approaches their table.

He stops fast and shoots his hand up above his head, giving his signature wave. He looks from person to person, as if he's greeting each one personally.

Slowly, the gray heads lift. They turn away from their lunch trays filled with soft food, and look for the source of the commotion.

Their eyes widen. They reach out their knarled hands to him. Some begin to coo at him. And then smiles spread over their faces too.

It's a magical moment to see the very old respond to the very young.


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We've spent the past several days at a home for memory impaired people where The Man's father has lived for the past year. He was diagnosed four years ago with severe dementia, likely Alzheimer's, and now this vibrant, loving, and joyful man is at the final days of his life.

The Man flew out on Friday. Little Man and I joined him on Tuesday. (I won't go into the details on our travels other to to say it involved cancelled flights, an exhausted toddler, and a fair share of screaming. But we made it.) The return to our hometown has been difficult for the obvious reasons.

But it has also been joyous.

It's the first time that our extended family have met Little Man. And the first time for him to meet his Grandpa on daddy's side. While we are with Grandpa at the nursing facility, The Man's family gets to spend time with our Korean tornado. And when we go home, my side of the family is enjoying him. (For those of you that didn't know, The Man and I are both from the same small town.)  He has met his cousins (there are 4 other 1-year-olds in our family!) and they've had rollicking good times. Little Man has been beaming from ear-to-ear.

There's also been joy as I've seen our son's outgoing personality bring smiles to the other residents who live at Grandpa's nursing facility. He's quite a social butterfly and he loves to run through the dining area at lunchtime, waving, smiling, and occasionally, handing toys to people. I admit that I would love him to be a bit more reserved with strangers and clingy (I know that's my attachment issue and not his) but I also admire his confidence and am proud of it.

I'm learning more about how Little Man and I work together as mother and child. Sometimes in their excitement the residents approach Little Man a little too forcefully (several women have attempted to pick him up or take him from my arms). He isn't an outwardly expressive child and he wouldn't cry or throw a fit if they were to pick him up. But I know his signs of stress---they are subtle. Signs that I have learned in these past 6-months. I step in to shield him from their embrace or politely refuse to let them hold him. He seems to relax more, knowing that I am there to keep him safe.

And there's also been joy in some of his milestones this week. He also started signing to us---he uses the word 'please' often. Occasionally he'll do 'more'. We knew he could do them, but he's just stubborn and refused. So it's really great that he's finally chosen to communicate!

And he's started calling me Mama. Not sure if it was his stubborn nature or he just didn't know what to call me, but he hasn't called me that in all the months he's been home. These past few days he's started saying it! When he's crying. Or happy. Or wants something. He doesn't say it alot yet, but I wasn't prepared for how deeply this would touch me each time I hear it.
 
This is such a bittersweet time at home for us. We experience these joys as we wait for such a sorrowful moment. Grandpa hasn't passed yet, but we know it's a matter of time. Until then, we stay with him, surrounding him with love.

I suppose an upside to death is that it helps the living remember the fragility of our lives. Today I am reminded not to hold on too tightly to the fears in life. To enjoy the small successes.

And to take time to marvel at the brilliance of a small child at the beginning of their life, reaching out to those at the end of theirs.

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To play: How to make bathtub puffy paint

To decorate for the holidays: Ditto

To keep them entertained: 25 indoor activities to keep your toddler occupied this winter

To splunk: Make a cave

To remember: Savor it anyway

To be Superfly: Give little shoes the superhero treatment

To eat! Tofu Jeon

Friday Flotsam: 11.25.2011

Feeling a bit lonely today.  I won't go into all the particulars right now, but The Man had to hop a flight out of town this morning to be with his family on the west coast. His father is seriously ill, and his health has taken a sharp turn for the worse. We decided that we could only send one of us home at this time, which was a really difficult decision. We did some quick juggling and scheduled a flight (no easy feat on a holiday weekend) and The Man left very early this morning.


So, Little Man and I are staying here for the time being. But it's tough. I wish we could be there together as a family. I wish that Grandpa could meet LM, and an even bigger dream would be that he would understand that LM is our son.

I would love to hold Grandpa's hand and whisper to him that I was going to try and sneak him an Oreo, just like we always used to do.



And I'd give Grandma a big hug.



Little Man is missing his daddy tonight. It's going to be a long, long week without him.


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To remember there are many ways to family: Two roads (this is an excellent piece on the attachment process!)


To know your family: Family names: reading and writing the ones we love


To laugh: Thanksgiving Turkey

To countdown: Baby Sock Advent Calendar

To grow up: Thanksgiving as a kid vs. Thanksgiving as an adult 

To feed the child's creative mind: Creativity matters (free e-book)

Friday Flotsam: 11.18.2011

I came across one of my favorite stories from This American Life. It's the amazing story of the Solomon family. They adopted a 7-year-old child from a Romanian orphanage, and then spent years struggling to teach him what love is. And how to receive it. And how to give it. (You can listen to their story HERE. It starts about 9 minutes into the show.)

The Solomons argue that they were not teaching their son Alix what love is. They say their goal was to create attachment with their son. But since love and attachment are intricately connected, I imagine it really doesn't matter which thing they were aiming for. Once you have one, the other is sure to follow.

When I first listened to the story last year, Little Man wasn't home yet, and I can recall the heaviness in my heart as I heard the story. The Solomons' experiences with Alix were terrifying to me at the time. Not being able to connect with our son and build a strong attachment was one of my deepest fears (still is), and learning the lengths these two parents would go to, to help their son attach seemed very overwhelming.

I not only feared that we might have the same experience as they did. I also feared that I wouldn't be as strong and determined as they were.

When I listened to the story again yesterday, I still felt that heaviness in my chest that accompanies my deep fears. This surprised me a bit. I had thought that because LM was home, this story wouldn't be as difficult to listen to. But it was.

I realized that it wasn't Alix's behavior that was scaring me. It was the struggle of the parents to connect to their child, and learning that despite their best efforts, they weren't able to break through to him. That is hard for me. To realize that sometimes you do everything right, and everything possible, but the outcome might still not be what you want.

Listening to the story now, after becoming a parent, it resonates even more strongly for me. In no way does our relationship with LM resemble the Solomon's story. But the thread of the story is similar. We want to create a loving and close relationship with our son.

I sat on the floor, watching LM run around the room while I listened to the close of the story. My eyes filled with tears when it ended. Good tears, because this is a good story. And it had a happy ending.

Then I felt a tiny hand on my shoulder. I turned to see my sweet LM. He gave me a little grin and then zipped away again. A small moment between us. Our relationship is still new enough that those little gestures make giant marks on my heart.

I know we are slowly getting there. Some days are definitely better than others. We waited so long to begin our lives together that it's left me quite impatient. But we just keep plodding ahead. One small gesture at a time.

Go listen to the story. What does it say to you?

(http://www.thisamericanlife.org/play_full.php?play=317)

Have a great weekend!

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To eat a sweet (and healthy) treat: Frozen Yogurt Banana Pops-A healthy dessert for toddlers (and their grown ups)

To document: Wobbly Teeth (Tooth-loss chart)

To remember bits of Korea: Exploring Gyeongdong Market: Red rice and dried lizards

To merge the past and present: Back To The Future 2 (go check this out...it's super cool!)

To keep an eye on: Fewer Babies Available For Adoption by U.S. Parents

To learn: Children of Cuba Remember Their Flight To America  

Friday Flotsam (on a Monday): Veterans, finalization and World Orphan Day

Holy smokes. I have been working on the Friday post for about 10 days. And still, I didn't manage to get it posted on Friday. Argh. Things have been ridiculously crazy here.

So, a belated Happy Veterans Day! Especially thinking of my Dad, all three grandfathers, father-in-law and husband today. So proud of them all for their service. There are assorted other cousins, and uncles who were in the service as well. Funny, but I never really thought about our family being one with a military history, but I guess we are!

Also notable, was the 11th marked the six-month anniversary of our big plane trip from Korea. I sort of have mixed feelings about this. To be very honest, we are still working on attachment, and some part of me thought we'd be way past that by now. I know attachment is a long process. But it still bums me out.

I cringe when I hear other adoptive moms talking about how they and their child started to bond instantly, and remind myself that everyone has their own journey. I'm not sure I really believe that "instantly" thing, and wonder if some adoptive parents are seeing their children through rose-colored glasses and perhaps aren't aware of the signs of struggle their kids might be having. (I admit that I'm jealous of these stories though!) It sounds a bit unrealistic to me. But I try not to compare our lives to others. I only know what our journey has been, and it has been a slow process.

We did have a lovely weekend. Short, but lovely. On Friday night we went to a tree lighting event that was really fun. Hung out with our best friends and their sweetie, B. Goofed off on Saturday with the fam before I had to work. Made pancakes on Sunday morning. And then went to a friends baby shower (solo!) which was really nice.

I realized how rarely I get away for a few hours to myself, and have to admit that I felt a little guilty about it. I found I was anxious to return, and kept wondering LM and his daddy were doing. It was good to be away for a bit though. When I got home, we all had a good play session outside. Nothing fantastic this weekend....just hanging.


Saturday we received some of our finalization paperwork. We are still awaiting one more piece of paperwork from the state and then we can set our court date. Yay! Getting so close now.



And, finally, today is World Orphan's Day. I have never liked the word 'orphan'. And it positively breaks my heart to think of LM ever described that way. I guess I think of him as 'displaced' before we were matched with him. He had a family---we just hadn't found him yet.

Fortunately in LM's life, he was always loved and cared for. We are thankful for that (thank you SWS!) and today, I hope that some of the world's other 145 million orphans grow to know the love of a family too.


***********************



To find family: World Orphans Day

To remind them you love them: 143

To eat! Chocolate Caramel Apple Cookies


To get out of your head and into your body: How to get out of your head

To help bridge the gap: Parent education: Social Coaching Tips 

To pottytrain: Free Superhero Potty Training Chart

Friday Flotsam--10.28.2011

Little Man moments....


We picked pumpkins last weekend. Well, more accurately, The Man and I picked the pumpkins. LM was very busy collecting sticks. It's his favorite hobby.
*

We carved a few pumpkins at home. LM totally loved digging the seeds out of thems. He quivered and shook with excitement as he ran his fingers through the squishy stuff. And then he started slinging it around the kitchen.
*

He's really infatuated with putting things into containers. As a result, his toys and pacis end up in the laundry basket, Pack and Play, or garbage can.

*
He still isn't saying a lot of real words, but he sure babbles alot. Evidently though, he has the words in there somewhere. At daycare recently, a teacher was telling another child repeatedly to 'sit down'. From across the room Little Man suddenly piped up 'SIT DOWN!'. Perhaps he's a man of few words, but when he talks, he means it!
*
Itsy Bitsy spider has become a favored song here. LM has the cutest hand moves for the spider part. Must try to get those on video.

*
LM loves family hugs. Especially when Gus, The WonderPug is part of them.

*
The fascination with Gus, the WonderPug's back end has finally passed. Thank goodness for small miracles.
*
Little Man is now much more interested in nostrils. He's figured out he can get his finger up to his second knuckle in his nose, and he's on a mission to see how far he can jam his finger up our noses too. Can't wait until this phase passes.


Happy Weekend!


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To get some winter knitting inspiration: Carefree Cowl Knit Along

To be a mom: THAT Mom

To fingerplay: Halloween Fingerplays and Songs

To explore: Sensory Box 101

To be an artist: DIY Microwavable Puffy Paint

To explore texture and smell: Apple Pie Scented Play-Doh

Friday Flotsam: 10.21.2011

On our bad days, a diaper change in our house can look like a scene from the World Wrestling Federation. As I write this, I have two sprained fingers from a particularly bad diaper change. I swear, LM has the strength of 10 babies!

Just came across this interesting blog post titled "How To Love A Diaper Change". Hmph, I thought, when reading the title.

"Diaper changes are built for intimacy. And all we need to turn diapering from a difficult, dreaded chore into a mutually gratifying experience is to change our perception, to appreciate the moment as an opportunity for developing a closer partnership with our child. Remembering to slow down, to include our baby instead of distracting him, ask for his assistance, use gentle “asking hands” instead of busy, efficient ones can literally transform a mundane task into a time of mutual enrichment."

Hmph, again.

They suggest timing the change to when it's convenient for the child, paying attention to the whole child vs. just their lower half, talking them through the entire process (I'm going to wipe your bottom now)...you get the idea.

I like the thought of respecting LM as an individual who has preferences about his own body. And there definitely are a few tips in here that I'll try to incorporate into our diapering routine to see if it helps.

But after reading this article, I'm again contemplating one of my favorite (as of late) subjects--overindulgent parenting.

This is one thing the author said that gave me pause:

"A baby might wish to roll to his tummy to be wiped, or be in an all fours crawling position. The toddler may need to stand and be changed on a pad on the floor.  Continue to ask for cooperation, but compromise and allow the child to do things his way if you can make it work." 

Does this seem strange to anyone else? Ummm, no. Not going to happen. When LM starts rolling around, it's not because he wants to be wiped on his tummy. It's because he wants the diaper change to be over. If I cater and wipe him however he might be (on tummy, standing, etc.) then what am I teaching him?

Granted, this is *just* a diaper change. But I see a diaper change as an opportunity to learn some life lessons, like, sometimes you have to be a part of things that are annoying, and you have to follow someone else's rules. There are things in life, like diaper changes, that are just plain poopy (pun intended!). And you learn to deal with them.

This brings me to the point of my diatribe today...overindulgent parenting. It's turning into one of my favorite subjects to contemplate.

Now, talking about parenting styles is always a bit like talking politics. I realize this can be a hot topic for some. Everyone has a different opinion---sometimes strong ones---about what is right and wrong for children. One size does not fit all. And there is room for many opinions without slinging the judgement hammer.

For me, allowing a child to dictate the rules of a diaper change is overindulgent.

I believe in parenting with love, kindness, and respect. But I also believe in preparing children for the real world, which has rules that they will be expected to follow. I'm not talking about running the house like a Marine. I'm just saying that you learn there are rules out there and you follow them, whether you want to or not.

Like laying on the changer when you are getting your diaper changed. I know it sucks to take 5 minutes away from your toys and have your butt wiped. We have bodily functions that get in the way of doing what we want to do sometimes. I'm not saying he has to be happy about it. He can cry and shout if he wants to express his frustration. I'm just saying that diaper changes are a non-negotiable item in our house.

I don't know where exactly, the line between overindulgent parenting and a more disciplined parenting style is exactly. More specifically, I'm not sure where my line between the two is. Basically, we are still developing our parenting style, which is heavy on the positive parenting aspect. But I also know kids need and thrive on rules and discipline. It's how those tiny scientists figure out how the world operates, and their role in it.

Of course, when I really go into deep thinker mode about this, I think about the difference in parenting styles between cultures. My approach to parenting is very American. In Korea, parents are often much more indulgent (not sure if they are overindulgent or not) with children. What would a diaper change for LM be like in Korea?

Too much thinking for a Friday.

So how do you define overindulgent parenting? And what is your parenting style?

Have a great weekend!

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To learn and read: Learning During Read Alouds: Print Referencing

To consider: Is 'Choice' Less Accepted for Mothers?

To understand your brain: If My Brain Were An Imaginary Friend

To recognize emotions: Ghost Expression Game

To make an awesome lunch: Halloween Joke Lunchbox Notes

To decorate for Halloween: Spider Webs From Coffee Filters

Friday Flotsam--10.14.2011

I haven't forgot about you.

We've just been a bit busy, you see. Little Man has a huge cold. The first he's had since he's been home. (Thank you, day care!) So he's been all green snot and fussy. And not sleeping. Or eating.

On top of that, he's teething like a puppy, so we are back to chewing anything and everything. I even caught him gnawing on the metal chair legs. And a few times on the dog's bone. Ewww. So that makes him even fussier. And grumpier.

He's been sweet enough to share his cold with me though. So I'm a bit fussy and not sleeping either.

It's also been my first full week back to work. It's been sort of nice. And I love being out meeting new people and shooting again. But the piles around the house are starting to grow. And there are many things that are left undone.

Which makes me feel undone.

The good news is that we have a great weekend ahead of us. (Part of me wishes that the entire weekend could be spent cleaning and sorting--I have clips of the show Hoarders running through my mind and I'm worried if the accumulation keeps up at this blistering pace, we might not be able to find Little Man in the rubble.)

Saturday we are celebrating Chuseok with our adoption group! Last year when we attended the event, our home study had just been sent to Korea and we were just beginning the wait for a referral. When we saw all these beautiful children running about in hanboks and enjoyed the Korean food and cultural events, we could hardly believe that one day that would be our life too. And now it is!

So excited for Little Man to meet new friends. And it gives me another chance to photograph him in his hanbok since the first birthday photo shoot was a bit of a failure challenge.

We are also going to find time to play in the fall leaves this weekend. And maybe find a pumpkin or two.

And spend lots of time snuggling and laughing.

And enjoy being a family.

Happy weekend to you!

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To explore: Five Introductory Activities For The Montessori Newbie

To celebrate pumpkins (and waffles): The Ultimate Pumpkin Waffles Recipe

To have the cutest little bum around: Attached Skirt and Ruffled Bum patterns

To make it better: Feel Better Pops