Evolution

Wow. It sort of feels like I've dropped off the edge of the world lately.

I guess I have, at least where the blog is concerned.

Life here has been...evolving. Lots of changes. Lots of things to make me think.

*
I've had another death in the family. This time, my half-brother, passed at the age of 26 after a motorcycle accident.

I didn't know him at all. It's a long and complicated story, but I only met him once. But after another death on that same side of the family a few months ago, I decided the time was right to seek out my half-brother and try to connect with him. It had always felt strange to have a sibling that I didn't know.

But I procrastinated. I wasn't sure how to start the conversation. And three months later, he was dead.

I missed the opportunity to know him, and I regret it.

*
We are coming up on two years as a family! It's been the most rewarding, exhausting, challenging and emotional experience of my life. Wouldn't change it for a minute (except maybe do it about 5 years earlier, but then we wouldn't have Little Man....so I guess it's absolutely perfect the way it is).

Little Man shocks us every day with how much he's growing, both physically and developmentally. He's developing a very sarcastic sense of humor (at two?!) and we find ourselves laughing at his antics all the time.

*
I turned 44 last month.

Holy hell.

The Man and Little Man gave me a very sweet and thoughtful gift. Enrollment in a beginners Korean Language class at the college!

Yep. Mama is going back to school. At least for a little while. Super excited about this! Can't wait to share what I learn. And hopefully be able to read/speak a little by the end of the session too.

Other things on my list of things to do this year: Bike 100 miles. Run 100 miles. Go on at least 1 date with The Man. Pare down some of the crap that fills my basement.

*
As for family life, I'm still struggling to find a balance. We seem to barely eek out enough time for what needs to be done, and never have enough time to do what we really want to do. We usually choose family over chores, so we ditch housekeeping for a family bike ride. Great on one hand, disastrous on the other.

This is probably the story of every family.

And don't talk about personal time...because there isn't any! The man and I haven't went out on a date in a over a year. (Everyone chime in now...awwwwwww.) I miss my girlfriends. I've gained weight. It's a miracle to get 8 hours of sleep and even that doesn't help. No time to run.

Whine. Whine. Whine.

Blogging has obviously taken a back seat too. Which is OK on the one hand. But the problem is that  I love writing. I love connecting with other families. And love this space where I  put all of the ramblings down.

I like the luxury of stepping back on a regular basis and taking perspective of my life. To try and put things in their place mentally and emotionally.

I tend to procrastinate on putting up posts, with lots of them sitting unfinished in my draft box. But it's also hard to write because I'm not sure exactly what this blog is for anymore. Is it about me? About being a parent? About our lives as an adoptive family? About international adoption and all the joys & complexities that are involved?

Yes, I guess it is all of those.

So like I said, life here is evolving.

Not a bad thing, huh?