Aside from all the wonderful things that adoption is, it's still born of heartbreak. There is pain for the birth mother who chose not to parent. And pain for the child who must try to understand the birth mother's decision, deal with the loss of their biological family and access to their medical and familial histories.
Acknowledging this truth of adoption isn't easy. You want to believe that all the love and nurturing you give your child can heal their pain. It's almost unbearable to think that there are some things you just can't fix for them.
According to Standring:
Few adoptive parents would ever admit their disappointment that things didn’t turn out well with their adopted children.
This is the more hidden side of adoption. The part that people don't often discuss.
Another thing not often acknowledged is the perspective of adult adoptees. Many continue to speak out, angry that their experiences are not adequately represented in adoption discussions. But hearing their viewpoints is so vital for everyone in the adoption triad. It's how we will move toward the close, intimate, and open relationship we all really want.
I found this quote particularly moving:
Adoption is born from a great desire to love a child. To give voice to one’s fears and longings takes courage. To listen is yet another sign of great love.
Here's to all the listeners out there!
(image credit: http://dark.pozadia.org/wallpaper/Pain/)
Have you read the book I Wish For You a Beautiful Life: Letters from the Korean Birth Mothers of Ae Ran Won to Their Children by Sara Dorow? I found it very moving and will share it with our child as a way to help them understand all the things that went into their birthparents' decision to place their child for adoption. There is a new follow-up book that was just released, but I haven't read that one yet.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing. I'm going to listen to it soon!
ReplyDeleteIt's on my bookreading list. Can't wait to get to it! Thanks for the suggestion.
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