Well, he had only been our son all of two weeks and we got the question.
Are they REAL brothers?
Many an adoptive parent has lamented hearing that question. I guess we'll hear it many more times throughout the boys lives.
The hurtful part of inquiring if something is 'real' is that it also implies the opposite---it is not 'real' it's false.
Something less than a true brother. A true mother. A true father.
At least, that's how a child will interpret it with their black & white logic.
Since we've been a family I've been asked the "what do you know about his 'real' parents" question several times. It hasn't bothered me much. That question is generally asked by people with no education about adoption and don't think about what their words actually imply.
I know that I'm the mommy in Little Man's life. I know he is my 'real' son. I know we are a 'real' family.
Whey other people say 'real', they mean "genetically connected". When I say 'real', I mean we are emotionally connected and tied together for a lifetime, without relying on genetics to define who our family is.
****
My family is a good example of 'real'. They are my 'real' parents, although genetically speaking, I'm only tied to one of them. As a child, I was often asked the "where's your 'real' dad" question as a kid. Kind of rude, but it didn't matter much to me. I usually found that type of thought process funny---as in funny odd.
My real dad was right there with me, every day, going to my boring band concerts, putting up with my stupid teenage crap, and helping shape me as a person. And he was there beaming as he walked me down the aisle at my wedding, and crying as he found out we had received another referral.
For me, there has never been a question about who my real dad was.
All of this is background to say....I've forgotten that everyone doesn't think like this.
A few weeks after we accepted our referral, I met with Little Man's new preschool teacher. I mentioned that we are trying to prepare him for his new brother, who would be coming from Korea. She was excited and one of her first questions was "are they 'real' brothers?"
I was totally unprepared for this. The usual casualness I've felt about the 'real' question was replaced with a visceral reaction.
Wham. Outta left field. With Little Man standing there looking at me, I gaped like a fish. This time, the question hurt and stung. I couldn't figure out why.
****
After a few weeks of thinking on it, I guess what bothered me was knowing that Little Man might have to answer this repeatedly. I have a younger sibling that I'm incredibly close to, but we aren't asked routinely if we are real sisters or not. And I have another sister that I am not genetically related to. No one asks if we are real sisters or not either.
But with adopted kids, people seem compelled to ask that question.
For us, we have already shown, quite obviously, that we don't feel genetics define a family, nor quantify who can be your family member. But this question will likely continue to arise and the boys will be compared.
I have to admit, before we adopted, I'd see adoptive families (thank goodness I never asked one!) and search for likenesses between the children. Was that the same nose? Were they too close in age? The same smile? I also do that when I see kids of the same age in a family. Are they twins? Who is older? Do they favor the parents?
I guess it's part of how we categorize people. We want to know how their particular puzzle fits together. How the pieces are connected. So I'll try to understand when people wonder about our family too.
But for goodness sake, learn to be sensitive people! Think before you talk!
So the first time that question---are they 'real' brothers---popped up. I wasn't prepared. I wanted to protect Little Man from hearing the 'real'
question and all the painful things that the word real might imply--that he isn't
a 'real' son, a 'real' brother, or we aren't the 'real' parents.
I stumbled.
But next time I'll be prepared.
I'm ready to pass on the lessons I learned as a kid. To teach Little Man that we have the power to redefine the word 'real'. We have the power to create our own unique family, that is not limited or defined by genetic connections.
We have created our own 'real'.
So the next time we are asked, "Are they real brothers?" it will be easy to answer.
Absolutely.
***Here's a great article from Adoptive Families on "real" siblings: http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=1185
Showing posts with label Adoption in the news. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adoption in the news. Show all posts
12.09.2013
Parenting is forever: Contemplating adoption in the news
So, I'm sure you have heard the latest shocking story to rock the adoption world. This couple walked away from their 9-year-old child, whom they had adopted from foster care when he was an infant. They claim he had threatened them and their other children with a knife. They are being indicted on charges relating to the abandonment of the child.
This story, following on the heels of the Reuter's series that investigated the "re-homing" of adopted children, has sent shockwaves through the adoption community, dealing harsh blows to both domestic and international adoption programs.
****
I remember our early days of family-hood. The days when Little Man had just come home and I was scared to death and worried that I didn't have the tools I needed to care for this hurting, grieving child.
There's been plenty of tough times since then. Yes, sometimes parenting feels like too much. More than we can handle. It's hard, no doubt about it.
But these stories...I wonder, were these parents ill-equipped? Poorly informed? What could have been done to prevent the dissolution of their families?
We all know bio families gone wrong. Where the parents kick the kids out or the children run away, are taken away, or placed in foster care. Unfortunately those stories are pretty common and hardly shocking anymore. We might view the parents with disdain, but they aren't typically the subject of the contempt and rage that people are aiming at the adoptive parents who have stopped parenting.
In the media and in the public, being a bad adoptive parent is a much more egregious act than just being a bad parent. Adoptive families are held to a different standard---and rightly so. We made intentional choices to care for these children (not that bio families don't also do this). But our children come to us with deep hurts. We know before they arrived how vital it was (and likely difficult as well) that we give them a safe forever home. That we love them despite the hurts that sometimes make loving them difficult. That we never give up.
We chose them. They didn't choose us. And so, it's our obligation to keep that commitment. It's absolutely imperative that we do.
So what happened to the families that chose disruption? That chose to meet in a parking lot and let strangers take their children? That dropped their child off, saying they were finished? Were these just flawed parents from the get-go? Were they inherently not able to parent? And if that's true, how in the world did they get through the adoption system?
I'm not judging here. Just really trying to understand what happened.
*
Why should we (as adoptive families) care about these situations? While these type of stories represent the outliers in our community---the vast majority of adoptive families do not look like this---we still must acknowledge that this happens and that there will be long-lasting effects on all adoptive families when adoptions fail.
Due to recent cases Americans are no longer able to adopt from Russia. The international anti-adoption communities are using the "re-homing" story as yet another reason against international adoption and many countries are looking at their policies when dealing with American adoptions.
In addition, parents who have abandoned their children are being charged criminally (rightly so) and in turn, this could make some people fearful of parenting a foster child. No one goes into thinking that it won't work. But if you think there's even a chance that you could be criminally charged...that might give people pause. (Then again, perhaps if you are slowed down from adopting because you fear being charged criminally, you might not be a fit adoptive parent.)
In our day-to-day lives, news reports like this contribute to the "othering" of adoptive families---the belief that that we fall outside the norm. The notion that "you can't possibly love adoptive children as your biological children" is supported, because if adoptive families loved the children as "their own" they wouldn't be surfing the web looking for someone to hand their kids off to.
And the misconception that adoptive children are more likely to be problematic, unable to accept love, difficult to manage, etc., is supported by the reasons that the parents gave for giving up their children.
These stories set adoptive families outside the norm. They are one more thing that stick in the back of people's minds. One more way they classify us.
Lastly, when stories like these come up in the news, we need to talk with our kids about them. Even a whisper of a child being abandoned by their parents could terrify an adopted child, fearing that they too could be abandoned not once, but twice. We need to be open with our children that they are safe and secure.
*
Here's the reporter in me---don't hate the messenger. The Reuters investigation was important. For all the painful after-effects of the story, it's vital that light is shined on this horrible practice. No matter the parents' rationale, there is never an excuse for abandoning a child like this.
Adoptive parents, don't turn your back on this. It's easy to say "I'd never do that" and walk away. But if we do, we give way to the anti-international adoption groups who will hold this up as yet another reason that international programs should be closed.
And mostly, we turn our back on kids who need help.
So don't shrink away from this. Because it hurts the overall view of adoption when the thriving stay silent in fear of being grouped with those that are failing.
Rise up, I say. Let the voices of the masses of successful adoptive families ring out. Let those who are committed to giving children a safe place to grow, and to help them work through the myriad of emotions and pain related to adoption. Heck, related to life in general.
For those of us that are dedicated to serving our kids and going to the mat for them---speak out. For us adopted parents who see "adopted" not as a permanent adjective for our children, but just the way that we came together as a family---speak out.
Let our voices be the loudest in the uproar that follows these stories. We need to be the face of adoption, not those that are failing. We shouldn't try to drown out these type of stories, but to demand solutions to these unacceptable actions.
This story, following on the heels of the Reuter's series that investigated the "re-homing" of adopted children, has sent shockwaves through the adoption community, dealing harsh blows to both domestic and international adoption programs.
****
I remember our early days of family-hood. The days when Little Man had just come home and I was scared to death and worried that I didn't have the tools I needed to care for this hurting, grieving child.
There's been plenty of tough times since then. Yes, sometimes parenting feels like too much. More than we can handle. It's hard, no doubt about it.
But these stories...I wonder, were these parents ill-equipped? Poorly informed? What could have been done to prevent the dissolution of their families?
We all know bio families gone wrong. Where the parents kick the kids out or the children run away, are taken away, or placed in foster care. Unfortunately those stories are pretty common and hardly shocking anymore. We might view the parents with disdain, but they aren't typically the subject of the contempt and rage that people are aiming at the adoptive parents who have stopped parenting.
In the media and in the public, being a bad adoptive parent is a much more egregious act than just being a bad parent. Adoptive families are held to a different standard---and rightly so. We made intentional choices to care for these children (not that bio families don't also do this). But our children come to us with deep hurts. We know before they arrived how vital it was (and likely difficult as well) that we give them a safe forever home. That we love them despite the hurts that sometimes make loving them difficult. That we never give up.
We chose them. They didn't choose us. And so, it's our obligation to keep that commitment. It's absolutely imperative that we do.
So what happened to the families that chose disruption? That chose to meet in a parking lot and let strangers take their children? That dropped their child off, saying they were finished? Were these just flawed parents from the get-go? Were they inherently not able to parent? And if that's true, how in the world did they get through the adoption system?
I'm not judging here. Just really trying to understand what happened.
*
Why should we (as adoptive families) care about these situations? While these type of stories represent the outliers in our community---the vast majority of adoptive families do not look like this---we still must acknowledge that this happens and that there will be long-lasting effects on all adoptive families when adoptions fail.
Due to recent cases Americans are no longer able to adopt from Russia. The international anti-adoption communities are using the "re-homing" story as yet another reason against international adoption and many countries are looking at their policies when dealing with American adoptions.
In addition, parents who have abandoned their children are being charged criminally (rightly so) and in turn, this could make some people fearful of parenting a foster child. No one goes into thinking that it won't work. But if you think there's even a chance that you could be criminally charged...that might give people pause. (Then again, perhaps if you are slowed down from adopting because you fear being charged criminally, you might not be a fit adoptive parent.)
In our day-to-day lives, news reports like this contribute to the "othering" of adoptive families---the belief that that we fall outside the norm. The notion that "you can't possibly love adoptive children as your biological children" is supported, because if adoptive families loved the children as "their own" they wouldn't be surfing the web looking for someone to hand their kids off to.
And the misconception that adoptive children are more likely to be problematic, unable to accept love, difficult to manage, etc., is supported by the reasons that the parents gave for giving up their children.
These stories set adoptive families outside the norm. They are one more thing that stick in the back of people's minds. One more way they classify us.
Lastly, when stories like these come up in the news, we need to talk with our kids about them. Even a whisper of a child being abandoned by their parents could terrify an adopted child, fearing that they too could be abandoned not once, but twice. We need to be open with our children that they are safe and secure.
*
Here's the reporter in me---don't hate the messenger. The Reuters investigation was important. For all the painful after-effects of the story, it's vital that light is shined on this horrible practice. No matter the parents' rationale, there is never an excuse for abandoning a child like this.
Adoptive parents, don't turn your back on this. It's easy to say "I'd never do that" and walk away. But if we do, we give way to the anti-international adoption groups who will hold this up as yet another reason that international programs should be closed.
And mostly, we turn our back on kids who need help.
So don't shrink away from this. Because it hurts the overall view of adoption when the thriving stay silent in fear of being grouped with those that are failing.
Rise up, I say. Let the voices of the masses of successful adoptive families ring out. Let those who are committed to giving children a safe place to grow, and to help them work through the myriad of emotions and pain related to adoption. Heck, related to life in general.
For those of us that are dedicated to serving our kids and going to the mat for them---speak out. For us adopted parents who see "adopted" not as a permanent adjective for our children, but just the way that we came together as a family---speak out.
Let our voices be the loudest in the uproar that follows these stories. We need to be the face of adoption, not those that are failing. We shouldn't try to drown out these type of stories, but to demand solutions to these unacceptable actions.
10.23.2013
Davion's plea: Teen in foster care wants a family
Breaking News
"Anyone that will love me" says 15-year-old Davion, as he describes his ideal family. Oh, how this breaks my heart. But this boy is really inspiring.
He's lived in foster care for his entire life. He was born in prison and found out recently that his biological mother had died. That spurred him into action. At her funeral he met family members who were not suitable families for him, but told him he was loved. He told his caseworker that finding out he was loved inspired him to start doing better for himself.
He began studying harder. And he began advocating for a family.
The teen went into a church in a last-ditch effort to find a family where he felt he would be more successful and happy.
Whose heart can't hurt to imagine a child yearning so deeply for a family?
I know many pit international adopters against domestic adopters. Heaven knows it's the most common question we get (why not adopt here when there are so many kids who need homes?). We had our reasons why foster care wasn't a good fit for our family, but I hope like hell that this sweet kid finds a home.
As of this posting, his agency has received 10,000 inquiries about Davion so it looks like a sure thing that he'll find his forever family soon. They are also calling it the "Davion effect" because many people are coming to adoption for the first time.
I just hope all these do-gooders, who hear his compelling story, also understand the less idealized aspects of adoption. Adoption is not a fairy tale. It isn't something you do to be charitable. It's something you really have to be prepared for and passionate about. These kids have baggage and deep hurts that need compassionate and strong people to help them.
Davion, so glad you took your search into your own hands. So sorry that the adults in your life have failed you and may you find the family of your dreams.
"Anyone that will love me" says 15-year-old Davion, as he describes his ideal family. Oh, how this breaks my heart. But this boy is really inspiring.
He's lived in foster care for his entire life. He was born in prison and found out recently that his biological mother had died. That spurred him into action. At her funeral he met family members who were not suitable families for him, but told him he was loved. He told his caseworker that finding out he was loved inspired him to start doing better for himself.
He began studying harder. And he began advocating for a family.
The teen went into a church in a last-ditch effort to find a family where he felt he would be more successful and happy.
Whose heart can't hurt to imagine a child yearning so deeply for a family?
I know many pit international adopters against domestic adopters. Heaven knows it's the most common question we get (why not adopt here when there are so many kids who need homes?). We had our reasons why foster care wasn't a good fit for our family, but I hope like hell that this sweet kid finds a home.
As of this posting, his agency has received 10,000 inquiries about Davion so it looks like a sure thing that he'll find his forever family soon. They are also calling it the "Davion effect" because many people are coming to adoption for the first time.
I just hope all these do-gooders, who hear his compelling story, also understand the less idealized aspects of adoption. Adoption is not a fairy tale. It isn't something you do to be charitable. It's something you really have to be prepared for and passionate about. These kids have baggage and deep hurts that need compassionate and strong people to help them.
Davion, so glad you took your search into your own hands. So sorry that the adults in your life have failed you and may you find the family of your dreams.
9.30.2013
The adoption roller coaster
 |
| Flickr photo by Tiffa Day |
The anticipation. Lurching forward. Twists! Turns! Jerking to a stop.
A crazy, thrilling, wild roller coaster ride.
That's exactly what our second adoption process feels like. Guess that's karma---our first one was soooo easy.
After ending last week on a super high note following our EP submission, this week's MPAK post states that the Korean Ministry will be moving their offices soon, and undergoing some staffing changes. If past performances are an indicator, that means a slow down in EP approval. Which means a likely delay on our EP approval.
Ugh.
And now, there is the threat of the government shut down on the U.S. side. If that happens, non-essential government work, including adoption processes which rely on federal paperwork, would cease. We are still awaiting our i600 approval so this is quite concerning.
Double ugh.
For me, the wait to become a family of four is exponentially harder after getting a referral. Looking at Dongsaeng's (Little brother) face every day, wondering what he's doing, what things he's learning...it's just tough.
I'm ready for the roller coaster to end. But I know we have a ways to go. We are in the thick of it now, so I'm giving myself space to acknowledge that it's tough. That it's painful.
This is part of our journey to Dongsaeng.
Like being on that roller coaster, if you start getting sick on the ride, you can try to focus on a fixed point to get you through. I need to focus on the long-term outcome. To stay strong and positive.
Here's what we've been doing to work through the wait:
First, we are concentrating on learning Korean. Because Dongsaeng will probably be 15-17 months old when he comes home, the language gap will be much bigger than when Little Man came home. (More on this in another post.)
Second, make some room! We live in a small home, but it has a big basement. The basement currently looks like a scene out of Hoarders (maybe not quite that bad) so we've been busy listing things on Craigslist and moving them out. More room, more cash. Win, win!! And it would be great to have a giant play area for the boys this winter.
Third, we are concentrating on Little Man and enjoying the last few months of our lives as a family of three. Little Man has made some giant steps these past few months (potty training, big boy bed) and we want to help him continue to find security and confidence. We know things are going to get a bit crazy for a while after Dongsaeng comes home, so we want to try and keep things on a nice even keel for now.
*****
As I write this, things have changed yet again. Two days after it was announced that the Ministry was moving and they would be having a staffing change, the move was pushed back until December. Hopefully that means our EP will be able to clear the Ministry before the move (fingers crossed).
And, in this LA Times story: "At the Department of Homeland Security, which includes....Immigration and Customs Enforcement, most of the 231,117 workers would remain on the job. Officials said 31,295 would be furloughed." Hopefully the workers we need to approve our i600 are in the group remaining on the job.
It's very easy to get anxious about each twist and turn that comes along. I keep reminding myself not to worry about what ifs, and to take things as they happen.
Because roller coasters are fun and all, but at some point, you just want to be on solid ground.
8.13.2013
Link love
Seen some good things on the Interweb lately. Thought I'd share!
A fantastic piece by blogger Rachel Macy Stafford on slowing down and learning lessons from your children.
*
This TED Talk has been the talk of our household. Both The Man and I watched it and it completely resonated with us! Our lives have been a bit complicated lately. And work, for both of us, has been a challenge. The sciency bits of this really helped confirm what we already knew---things appear easier/better in your life when you train yourself to look at life as easier/better. It's a mindset thing.
Also, my biggest takeaway moment is quit putting your happiness on the shelf. I'll be happy when I get this, when we have a new bathroom, when I get that promotion, etc. Happiness is RIGHT NOW! This life, this moment. Because our moments are finite and I want to quit wasting them while I wait for *the moment*.
This video is soooo worth the 12 minutes it takes to watch it. My only criticism is that this guy talks so damned fast!
*
Here's the latest in the awful saga of Adoptive Couple v. Baby Girl. If you haven't heard about this case, it's about the battle between a domestic adoptive family and the child's birth father for custody of a three year old girl. The case has went all the way to the Supreme Court because it is challenging the 1978 Indian Child Welfare Act.
Listen to the Radio Lab podcast (below) which presents both sides of the issue in such an emotional and compelling way. Adoption law is such a challenging and complex thing and never before have I heard/read anything that shows you just how heart-wrenching it is for those involved. Regardless of how you see the case, it's unarguable that the legal wrangling will have life-time impacts on this child. She's been wrenched from the only family she knew once, and it appears that she will be removed from her home, yet again.
Breaks my heart for them all.
Go to Radio Lab's website for a whole boatload of links about how this issue has been unfolding.
*
My friend at work was laugh-crying at her computer. I asked if she was OK and she shook her head, saying "damn you autocorrect". I haven't seen the site in a while. Just trolled through the "best of" section. Damn you, is right. My stomach hurts! Go check it out and LOL, followed by ROFL.
Best of DYAC
A fantastic piece by blogger Rachel Macy Stafford on slowing down and learning lessons from your children.
My carefree child was a gift to my Type A, task-driven nature --but I didn't see it. Oh no, when you live life distracted, you have tunnel vision -- only looking ahead to what's next on the agenda. And anything that cannot be checked off the list is a waste of time.
Whenever my child caused me to deviate from my master schedule, I thought to myself, "We don't have time for this." Consequently, the two words I most commonly spoke to my little lover of life were: "Hurry up."I keep thinking about this, although my guy is more similar to my Type A, hurry up and go style. But on occasion, he slows WAAAYYY down and I get a bit crazy. Guess the post spoke to me more about appreciating your child for who they are and making adjustments in your life for their personalities.
*
This TED Talk has been the talk of our household. Both The Man and I watched it and it completely resonated with us! Our lives have been a bit complicated lately. And work, for both of us, has been a challenge. The sciency bits of this really helped confirm what we already knew---things appear easier/better in your life when you train yourself to look at life as easier/better. It's a mindset thing.
Also, my biggest takeaway moment is quit putting your happiness on the shelf. I'll be happy when I get this, when we have a new bathroom, when I get that promotion, etc. Happiness is RIGHT NOW! This life, this moment. Because our moments are finite and I want to quit wasting them while I wait for *the moment*.
This video is soooo worth the 12 minutes it takes to watch it. My only criticism is that this guy talks so damned fast!
*
Here's the latest in the awful saga of Adoptive Couple v. Baby Girl. If you haven't heard about this case, it's about the battle between a domestic adoptive family and the child's birth father for custody of a three year old girl. The case has went all the way to the Supreme Court because it is challenging the 1978 Indian Child Welfare Act.
Listen to the Radio Lab podcast (below) which presents both sides of the issue in such an emotional and compelling way. Adoption law is such a challenging and complex thing and never before have I heard/read anything that shows you just how heart-wrenching it is for those involved. Regardless of how you see the case, it's unarguable that the legal wrangling will have life-time impacts on this child. She's been wrenched from the only family she knew once, and it appears that she will be removed from her home, yet again.
Breaks my heart for them all.
Go to Radio Lab's website for a whole boatload of links about how this issue has been unfolding.
*
My friend at work was laugh-crying at her computer. I asked if she was OK and she shook her head, saying "damn you autocorrect". I haven't seen the site in a while. Just trolled through the "best of" section. Damn you, is right. My stomach hurts! Go check it out and LOL, followed by ROFL.
Best of DYAC
6.04.2013
South Korea adoptions and the Hague Convention
OK. Get ready for a very insider-baseball long and rambling post here. If you aren't an active watcher of what's happening with the Korea adoption program, this probably won't be of interest to you.
So, last week there was a small news story. South Korea signed the Hague treaty. Here's a short news brief about it.
It's really quite a shock. There has been pressure from anti-adoption groups to ratify Hague in Korea, but there hadn't been much public discussion about it. So the sudden signing is quite surprising and leaves many wondering what other changes are in store.
Right now most agencies have no idea what this new change will mean or how it will be implemented. But I thought it would be good to learn a little more about Hague to see how it might impact the process for families.
Under Hague, adoptees would be issued an IR-3 visa. This visa is issued when families have seen the child prior to the adoption, the relinquishment background of the child is thoroughly vetted, and the adoption is completed in the birth country. Children do not need to be re-adopted in the U.S., but they probably would have to go through a court procedure to change names, and many families opt to complete the certificate of citizenship.
The I-800A and I-800 must be approved in order. The I-800A is filed only after the child has been referred to the family, and they may not gain custody until the I-800 is conditionally approved. The I-800A is valid 15-months from date of approval with one free extension, with additional extensions costing $340.
Allegedly the reason Korea has not joined the "Hague Convention on Protection of Children and Co-operation in Respect of Intercountry Adoption is because Korea holds reservations regarding paragraph (a) of article 21 of the U.N. Convention on the Rights of the Child." This info is from a PBS story by documentary film maker Jane Jeong Trenka, who is an outspoken anti-international adoption advocate. She didn't cite where she got this info, so it's hard to weigh it's validity.
That paragraph reads:
Certainly, the recent approach in contacting birth mothers to verify their relinquishment of the child before the completion of an adoption seems to address this point.
The UN Committee on the Rights of the Child stated South Korea does not keep adequate record There have also been complaints about adoptee access to birth records, unclear relinquishments, orphanage kidnapping, poor record keeping, poor post-adoption services, and identity swaps. Because of the strict rules that Hague sets forth in identifying who is eligible to be adopted, many of these concerns would be given more careful scrutiny.
Hague also puts a much stronger emphasis on trying to place children in need, first with family members, next, within their country of origin, and thirdly, given the option of international adoption. This is Korea's general policy now, but it will be more formally approached.
I had a long chat with my local social worker (who is freaking amazing!) and since she works with both Hague and non-Hague international adoptions, and has worked on programs who have ratified the treaty, she had a little insight.
In other programs, families who had their homestudies already in country were grandfathered in. If Korea operates as other countries have done (which is a big IF), this means the home studies that are already in Korea will not have to be reprocessed using Hague regulations.
If a I-600a is already on file and approved, then USCIS will not require an I-800 to be filed. The I-600s can be extended but when the limit of extensions has been used up, the I-600 will have to be converted to an I-800. According to our social worker, this is a terribly messy and time-consuming endeavor. A background check must be done on every person in the household who is over 18, in every state/city they have lived in. Ick.
This is all the information I've been able to gather about what the ratification might mean for those of us in process. If anyone else has more to add, please comment!
There are a few other benefits:
*The convention requires sending countries to provide adopting parents with comprehensive information regarding medical records and translations of them. Korea has historically had some of the best medical records for IA, but this is another opportunity to ensure transparency.
*Sending countries must certify that birth parents made the choice to relinquish free of undue influence.
*Background and adoption records must now be kept for a minimum of 75 years. Allegedly, many adoptees have complained that Korea does not have adequate record keeping, or in some cases, has been outright unlawful. Adoptees can request their files after 13/15/18 years old (depending on agency) and many have been told they were lost, burned in a fire, or other stories. On occasion, stories like those are covering up deceit or illegal activities where the adoption was concerned. The more transparency, the better.
*The definition of what child is adoptable is different with Hague. A child with two known birth parents who are unable to care for the child, can now be considered eligible (vs. single surviving birth parent who cannot care for him). According to an Adoptive Families article, "One advantage to this new definition is that birth mothers relinquishing children for adoption into the U.S. may no longer feel they have to lie about the existence of a father, allowing adopting families access to more accurate information."
*Adopters will have access to national databases with information about their agencies and complaints about them. This gives us the power to make more informed decisions about who we are working with and what type of service we can anticipate. I'm not sure if this includes the Korean agencies or not.
So, as with everything in the Korea program, it's a watch and wait situation. Sending lots of love and support to families who are dealing with all this right now!
So, last week there was a small news story. South Korea signed the Hague treaty. Here's a short news brief about it.
It's really quite a shock. There has been pressure from anti-adoption groups to ratify Hague in Korea, but there hadn't been much public discussion about it. So the sudden signing is quite surprising and leaves many wondering what other changes are in store.
Right now most agencies have no idea what this new change will mean or how it will be implemented. But I thought it would be good to learn a little more about Hague to see how it might impact the process for families.
An overview of the Hague Convention:
From the State Dept. website:- It requires that countries who are party to the Convention establish a Central Authority to be the authoritative source of information and point of contact in that country. The Department of State is the U.S. Central Authority for the Convention.
- It aims to prevent the abduction, sale of, or traffic in children, and it works to ensure that intercountry adoptions are in the best interests of children.
- It recognizes intercountry adoption as a means of offering the
advantage of a permanent home to a child when a suitable family has not
been found in the child's country of origin. It enables intercountry
adoption to take place when:
- The child has been deemed eligible for adoption by the child's country of birth; and
- Proper effort has been given to the child's adoption in its country of origin.
- It provides a formal international and intergovernmental recognition of intercountry adoption, working to ensure that adoptions under the Convention will generally be recognized and given effect in other party countries.
Program differences
Major differences between Hague and non-Hague processes are based on how children are classified as orphans. The actual definition of what an orphan is and the child's eligibility to be adopted determines what type of visa they are eligible for, and whether the child will be adopted in the U.S. or in the child's birth country.Visas:
Currently Korean adoptees exit with an IR-4 visa. According to Adoption.com "With the IR-4 visa, the foreign adoption does not meet the federal U.S. equivalent requirements of severing biological parent(s) ties and/or ensuring that both the adoptive parents and child have the same rights, responsibilities, and privileges." This means that the adoption must be completed in the U.S. This visa is also issued for families who have not spent time with the child prior to exiting the country.Under Hague, adoptees would be issued an IR-3 visa. This visa is issued when families have seen the child prior to the adoption, the relinquishment background of the child is thoroughly vetted, and the adoption is completed in the birth country. Children do not need to be re-adopted in the U.S., but they probably would have to go through a court procedure to change names, and many families opt to complete the certificate of citizenship.
USCIS:
This is where it can get a bit challenging on the paperwork end of things. Currently, for the Korea program adoptive parents file a I-600A and later an I-600. This isn't too tough. A fingerprint visit, and some paperwork. This paperwork can be filed concurrently, and is processed before the child is known to the adoptive parents. The I-600A is valid 18-months from the time of approval and can only be extended once.The I-800A and I-800 must be approved in order. The I-800A is filed only after the child has been referred to the family, and they may not gain custody until the I-800 is conditionally approved. The I-800A is valid 15-months from date of approval with one free extension, with additional extensions costing $340.
Parent Education:
Hague countries require an additional 10 hours of parent education, over and above the education hours required for the home study.Why the push for Hague:
The convention addresses some of the huge complaints that adoption revision groups in Korea have had about the international adoption program. Korea has been one of the top sending countries year after year and has had a reputation of running a very clean program. But there have been allegations of unclear record keeping or vague relinquishment approvals, or outright aggressive tactics by adoption centers.Allegedly the reason Korea has not joined the "Hague Convention on Protection of Children and Co-operation in Respect of Intercountry Adoption is because Korea holds reservations regarding paragraph (a) of article 21 of the U.N. Convention on the Rights of the Child." This info is from a PBS story by documentary film maker Jane Jeong Trenka, who is an outspoken anti-international adoption advocate. She didn't cite where she got this info, so it's hard to weigh it's validity.
That paragraph reads:
"(a) Ensure that the adoption of a child is authorized only by competent authorities who determine, in accordance with applicable law and procedures and on the basis of all pertinent and reliable information, that the adoption is permissible in view of the child's status concerning parents, relatives and legal guardians and that, if required, the persons concerned have given their informed consent to the adoption on the basis of such counselling as may be necessary;"
Certainly, the recent approach in contacting birth mothers to verify their relinquishment of the child before the completion of an adoption seems to address this point.
The UN Committee on the Rights of the Child stated South Korea does not keep adequate record There have also been complaints about adoptee access to birth records, unclear relinquishments, orphanage kidnapping, poor record keeping, poor post-adoption services, and identity swaps. Because of the strict rules that Hague sets forth in identifying who is eligible to be adopted, many of these concerns would be given more careful scrutiny.
Hague also puts a much stronger emphasis on trying to place children in need, first with family members, next, within their country of origin, and thirdly, given the option of international adoption. This is Korea's general policy now, but it will be more formally approached.
What does this all mean for families in process now?
Well, that's the million dollar question.I had a long chat with my local social worker (who is freaking amazing!) and since she works with both Hague and non-Hague international adoptions, and has worked on programs who have ratified the treaty, she had a little insight.
In other programs, families who had their homestudies already in country were grandfathered in. If Korea operates as other countries have done (which is a big IF), this means the home studies that are already in Korea will not have to be reprocessed using Hague regulations.
If a I-600a is already on file and approved, then USCIS will not require an I-800 to be filed. The I-600s can be extended but when the limit of extensions has been used up, the I-600 will have to be converted to an I-800. According to our social worker, this is a terribly messy and time-consuming endeavor. A background check must be done on every person in the household who is over 18, in every state/city they have lived in. Ick.
This is all the information I've been able to gather about what the ratification might mean for those of us in process. If anyone else has more to add, please comment!
The positive:
I think there is a lot of positives about Korea signing Hague, for all parties involved. For sure, it's aim is to ensure that the international adoptions are ethical and are accountable. Of course, no system is foolproof, but it's always good to have these systems in place to protect the children.There are a few other benefits:
*The convention requires sending countries to provide adopting parents with comprehensive information regarding medical records and translations of them. Korea has historically had some of the best medical records for IA, but this is another opportunity to ensure transparency.
*Sending countries must certify that birth parents made the choice to relinquish free of undue influence.
*Background and adoption records must now be kept for a minimum of 75 years. Allegedly, many adoptees have complained that Korea does not have adequate record keeping, or in some cases, has been outright unlawful. Adoptees can request their files after 13/15/18 years old (depending on agency) and many have been told they were lost, burned in a fire, or other stories. On occasion, stories like those are covering up deceit or illegal activities where the adoption was concerned. The more transparency, the better.
*The definition of what child is adoptable is different with Hague. A child with two known birth parents who are unable to care for the child, can now be considered eligible (vs. single surviving birth parent who cannot care for him). According to an Adoptive Families article, "One advantage to this new definition is that birth mothers relinquishing children for adoption into the U.S. may no longer feel they have to lie about the existence of a father, allowing adopting families access to more accurate information."
*Adopters will have access to national databases with information about their agencies and complaints about them. This gives us the power to make more informed decisions about who we are working with and what type of service we can anticipate. I'm not sure if this includes the Korean agencies or not.
So, as with everything in the Korea program, it's a watch and wait situation. Sending lots of love and support to families who are dealing with all this right now!
5.10.2013
Forever Family and Single Mom's Day in Korea
May 10, 2011
It was so surreal. There we were, halfway across the world,corralling holding this very wiggly 10-month-old boy, juggling bottles and gifts, and trying to listen to the final instructions from his foster parents and their parting wishes for his life.
We were all sobbing. Tears of joy. Tears of sadness.
This was the moment we became parents. The moment we had spent the past 1 1/2 years waiting for.
The workers rushed us to the elevator because surely, they knew that we would soon be overwhelmed with emotion.
I held our stoic boy in my arms. He was the only one not crying.
We got in the elevator. One last look at our social workers braced on each side of our foster mother as she wept.
The doors closed.
Hello and goodbye, in one moment.
*****
May 10, 2013
This year, we celebrate the second anniversary of our Forever Family! Our celebration is an evolving tradition: Little Man wakes. We have breakfast together as he opens a single gift that we purchased for him when we were in Korea. (We purchased the gifts with the intention that he'll open one each Family Day through his 18th birthday. Loved the idea (Thanks, Amy!) but boy, was it a lot of shopping!)
We talk about what is was like, that first day of our family. How we went back to the hotel and had no idea what to do next. How Little Man and The Man were both exhausted although it was early in the morning, so they fell asleep on the bed together. How I was too excited to sleep, and instead, stood over Little Man, watching his every breath.
This morning, we will take a photo together. And then we will part ways for the day. We will end our day with a special dinner.
It's a day that we cherish. But it's a bit ironic that as we celebrate our adoptive family, in Korea today they are celebrating the 3rd Annual Single Mom's Day. This day acknowledges the societal prejudices that exist against women in South Korea, which are the reason most children are placed for adoption.
Single Mom's Day will be held May 10-11 this year. The aim is to raise support and awareness for single mothers. It was actually started as a pushback and challenge to the South Korean government's other May 11 holiday---Adoption Day, a day to promote adoption within the country.
Being a single mother is a shameful endeavor in South Korea, much like it was nearly 50 years ago in the States. It can be nearly impossible to raise a child solo in South Korea. They cannot find jobs. Their families shun them. They cannot find a place to live. Child support is unenforced. And then there is the social discrimination the mother and child endure.
So with few options for financial or emotional support, many of these women see that they have only two options: adoption or abortion. Some data states that 92% of adoptees from South Korea are born to single mothers.
Single Mom's Day is a way to garner support for these women. To help be self sufficient and to deal with the stigma that is attached to unwed mothers. To help keep families together.
What I find fascinating is that much of this forward movement in mother's rights is being led by adoptees, many of whom were adopted abroad and have now returned to South Korea. They are advocating for young women who are making choices, under the same conditions as the adoptee's birth mothers.
But had not the adoptees been adopted abroad, would they have the passion, understanding and opinions about a mother's rights that are needed to change the status quo in Korea?
Not sure...something to think about. It's fascinating that while some people use tragedies, life changing events, or conditions as a reason to play the part of a victim in their lives, these same events/situations can empower others. It's their call to arms.
I applaud the adoptees for utilizing the experiences they have had to affect change in the world. And I hope that single mothers in South Korea are able to have more than just two options available to them someday.
In our lives, Little Man's mother made a choice, and whether she would have kept him if conditions were different there, we can't know. But we acknowledge that she did have a huge decision to make and our family was born, literally, from that decision.
In her honor, and in honor of other single mothers in Korea, we are adding a new tradition to our Family Day: we are donating each year to a charity or cause that supports unwed mothers in South Korea.
This year, we are donating to Ae Ran Won. It's a maternity home, but also has a facility where women can live and raise their children. They also support those who may have placed children for adoption but need further support. I learned of this charity through two very well known books I Wish for You a Beautiful Life: Letters from the Korean Birth Mothers of Ae Ran Won to Their Children
and Dreaming a World: Korean Birth Mothers Tell Their Stories
.
Tonight, we will celebrate together as a family, keeping in our hearts the very special mother who birthed our amazing son and who made this day a possibility.
Please check out the links below to learn more about single motherhood in Korea.
***
Donate to Ae Ran Won: Help Us
A great audio story about Single Mothers Day: PRI's The World
Shame and Single Motherhood in South Korea: World Moms Blog
First person stories about single motherhood in South Korea: Omona They Didn't
Korean Unwed Mothers Support Network: http://www.kumsn.org/
Single Moms' Day in Korea: KoreaMaria
http://askakorean.blogspot.com/2011/05/ask-korean-news-adoption-day.html
It was so surreal. There we were, halfway across the world,
We were all sobbing. Tears of joy. Tears of sadness.
This was the moment we became parents. The moment we had spent the past 1 1/2 years waiting for.
The workers rushed us to the elevator because surely, they knew that we would soon be overwhelmed with emotion.
I held our stoic boy in my arms. He was the only one not crying.
We got in the elevator. One last look at our social workers braced on each side of our foster mother as she wept.
The doors closed.
Hello and goodbye, in one moment.
*****
May 10, 2013
This year, we celebrate the second anniversary of our Forever Family! Our celebration is an evolving tradition: Little Man wakes. We have breakfast together as he opens a single gift that we purchased for him when we were in Korea. (We purchased the gifts with the intention that he'll open one each Family Day through his 18th birthday. Loved the idea (Thanks, Amy!) but boy, was it a lot of shopping!)
We talk about what is was like, that first day of our family. How we went back to the hotel and had no idea what to do next. How Little Man and The Man were both exhausted although it was early in the morning, so they fell asleep on the bed together. How I was too excited to sleep, and instead, stood over Little Man, watching his every breath.
This morning, we will take a photo together. And then we will part ways for the day. We will end our day with a special dinner.
It's a day that we cherish. But it's a bit ironic that as we celebrate our adoptive family, in Korea today they are celebrating the 3rd Annual Single Mom's Day. This day acknowledges the societal prejudices that exist against women in South Korea, which are the reason most children are placed for adoption.
 |
| From Ae Ran Won site: Two birds represent mothers who have sent their babies away, and now work to overcome their immense pain. In time, they develop the life skills needed to help them fly toward the futures of their own choosing. |
Single Mom's Day will be held May 10-11 this year. The aim is to raise support and awareness for single mothers. It was actually started as a pushback and challenge to the South Korean government's other May 11 holiday---Adoption Day, a day to promote adoption within the country.
Being a single mother is a shameful endeavor in South Korea, much like it was nearly 50 years ago in the States. It can be nearly impossible to raise a child solo in South Korea. They cannot find jobs. Their families shun them. They cannot find a place to live. Child support is unenforced. And then there is the social discrimination the mother and child endure.
So with few options for financial or emotional support, many of these women see that they have only two options: adoption or abortion. Some data states that 92% of adoptees from South Korea are born to single mothers.
Single Mom's Day is a way to garner support for these women. To help be self sufficient and to deal with the stigma that is attached to unwed mothers. To help keep families together.
What I find fascinating is that much of this forward movement in mother's rights is being led by adoptees, many of whom were adopted abroad and have now returned to South Korea. They are advocating for young women who are making choices, under the same conditions as the adoptee's birth mothers.
But had not the adoptees been adopted abroad, would they have the passion, understanding and opinions about a mother's rights that are needed to change the status quo in Korea?
Not sure...something to think about. It's fascinating that while some people use tragedies, life changing events, or conditions as a reason to play the part of a victim in their lives, these same events/situations can empower others. It's their call to arms.
I applaud the adoptees for utilizing the experiences they have had to affect change in the world. And I hope that single mothers in South Korea are able to have more than just two options available to them someday.
In our lives, Little Man's mother made a choice, and whether she would have kept him if conditions were different there, we can't know. But we acknowledge that she did have a huge decision to make and our family was born, literally, from that decision.
In her honor, and in honor of other single mothers in Korea, we are adding a new tradition to our Family Day: we are donating each year to a charity or cause that supports unwed mothers in South Korea.
 |
| From Ae Ran Won site: A mother and her baby complete their preparation for self-support and good parenting. Together theyare ready to journey towards a better tomorrow. |
This year, we are donating to Ae Ran Won. It's a maternity home, but also has a facility where women can live and raise their children. They also support those who may have placed children for adoption but need further support. I learned of this charity through two very well known books I Wish for You a Beautiful Life: Letters from the Korean Birth Mothers of Ae Ran Won to Their Children
and Dreaming a World: Korean Birth Mothers Tell Their Stories
.Tonight, we will celebrate together as a family, keeping in our hearts the very special mother who birthed our amazing son and who made this day a possibility.
Please check out the links below to learn more about single motherhood in Korea.
***
Donate to Ae Ran Won: Help Us
A great audio story about Single Mothers Day: PRI's The World
Shame and Single Motherhood in South Korea: World Moms Blog
First person stories about single motherhood in South Korea: Omona They Didn't
Korean Unwed Mothers Support Network: http://www.kumsn.org/
Single Moms' Day in Korea: KoreaMaria
http://askakorean.blogspot.com/2011/05/ask-korean-news-adoption-day.html
2.27.2013
Travel Requirements for Korean adoptions: The Latest Sad News
.JPG) |
| Snow Day. |
We're at home today because of the snow. Which is good. Because I couldn't sleep a bit last night. And I keep crying.
The latest news from the Korea adoption from broke on the MPAK blog last night. Read the post HERE. For many families who are waiting, this news will end their journey to adopt from Korea. To summarize, the blog says that families will have an appearance in Korean courts, where both adoptive parents must be present. Once the judge determines if the suitability of the parents, then there will be a 14-day waiting period during which the birth mother can end the process if she chooses to parent. If the birth mother does not come forward, then the adoption can continue.
If it's true, it's devastating. The author of the blog has been staying on top of the changing rules and processes since the new law went into effect last year. It's' probably an accurate summary of the situation as it currently exists, or at least fairly close.
So, obviously this is a huge change in the process but as an AP, the birth mother provision is the scariest part. Keep in mind, that the birth mothers already waited out the 7-days after birth before being allowed to consent to adoption, and had another five-month waiting period in before children are eligible for international adoption. By the time the courts see the cases, these children are already 1-1 1/2 years old. While I'm all for giving the birth mothers ample time to change their minds (after all this is a HUGE decision), couldn't the waiting period be completed before the adoptive parents have went through all the hoops and expenses, are in Korea and are about to bring home their baby?
There are many families left on the 2012 quota who are awaiting travel. They have been on hold several months as the courts reviewed documents and became familiar with adoption procedures. Now these same families are facing extra thousands of dollars in expenses at the last minute as they are told they must extend their stay in country from a week to 3-4. And the fact that both parents must now appear in court...another unexpected challenge for some.
That aside, I'm most concerned by the added strain on children, both for the child to be adopted and other children in the adoptive family. The extra court processes and waiting times will likely mean that the children who are being adopted will be coming home much older. That is harder on the children since they have spent more time in their foster families. Plus the extra weeks families must stay in Korea may affect the amount of time they will have once they return stateside, to bond and help their child adjust to their new home before the parents must return to work.
For children already in the family, they face being without both parents for 3-4 weeks. Obviously a huge obstacle and could make the initial relationship with a new sibling much more challenging. If they travel to Korea with their parents, it's a long journey, weeks away from the comfort of home. If the children are school aged, that may not even be a possibility. And what about for special needs families?
The international adoption program helps provide homes to many Korean children who were not adopted domestically. If the number of IA goes down due to this extreme new set of rules, where will these children go? The domestic adoption numbers have not increased enough to provide homes for them. They are in foster homes now as they await IA, but those are not forever homes. And each agency only has so many foster homes. So, if these children are not adopted will they will be moved into orphanages?
It's always a delicate balancing act to protect the rights of the birth parents. But what about the rights of these children to be able to have a forever home quickly?
The first 2012 cases are scheduled to move into the Korean court systems in April. I hope this latest MPAK post isn't true, or at the very least, the rules are not set in stone. Just hate to see the system end up punishing children and the families who desperately want to provide for them.
And of course, the most important thing is to remember that this is just all conjecture at this point. Not a single agency (that I can find) has reported any of this information to their clients. Until we hear it from them, it's not official.
1.25.2013
My two cents: Chicago couple battling to adopt South Korean baby
I just read a Chicago Tribune story about a legal battle over a
7-month-old baby girl taken out of Korea illegally. The situation is
upsetting, but I find that the people I'm most upset with are the people
who want to be her adoptive parents.
Here's the recap:
Jinshil and Christopher Duquet wanted to expand their family through adoption. They already have one daughter, age 10, whom they had adopted from South Korea. Jinshil is South Korean, having moved to the US when she was a child. They attempted to adopt another child in 2011 but learned that they had aged out of the program. Jinshil, 49, and her husband, 55, far surpass the 45 year old age limit for Korean adoptions.
According to the Duquets, they were contacted by a family member of Jinshil's in Korea, who knew of an unwed mother living at a shelter for pregnant women who was searching for an adoptive family. They made an arrangement and Jinshil flew to Korea, waited for the baby's birth, took custody and brought the baby to the US when she was just a few weeks old. According to the family, they worked through a South Korean lawyer to facilitate this "adoption" and have documentation from the child's birth mother and grandmother relinquishing custody.
Upon arrival to the US, they were detained at the airport because the baby did not have the proper documentation for adoption. They appeared in the US courts and the baby was removed from their care due to lack of the proper immigration documents. They filed a court suit, were named guardians and regained custody while this debate over immigration is being dealt with. South Korea says they took the baby illegally and demands the child be surrendered back to South Korea.
Here's why this story bothers me...
* There are rules people. And the rules are set forth by the country of origin. You may not agree with these rules, but that's the way it is. South Korea has deemed that children placed for adoption must have the opportunity to be adopted in Korea first. No child is placed for international adoption until the age of 5-months to allow for the possibility that they may remain in their birth country. This child did not have that opportunity.
* The Duquets have completed an international adoption from Korea before. Anyone who is in this program knows all adoptions are facilitated from the three state sanctioned programs. It can be a complicated and cumbersome system at times, but out of the 40 years Korea has been doing IA, their program has been steady and solid. While no system is foolproof, this system seems to work well in preventing/controlling fraudulent adoptions.
* These folks are WAY out of the age limits. Again, you might not agree with the rules, but Korea absolutely has the right to dictate the terms of international adoption. You age out, you are out of luck.
* No one is arguing that the child was not in need of a home or that the Duquet's do not have a suitable home to give her. The Duquet's are arguing that they were following advice from their South Korean lawyer. They believed they were within the law. But supposedly the Duquets had previously spoken with a South Korean orphanage about their age...might they have also consulted about whether their "private" adoption was legal? And again, they were no strangers to the confusing land of international adoption. It seems likely that they thought they had found a loophole in the system and decided to take advantage of it.
* The most upsetting part for me is that this little girl is paying the price for the Duquet's missteps. A doctor has stated the child shows signs of trauma, due to her removal from the family's care. The family cites that trauma as reasons why the child should remain in their custody.
I still have a lot of friends in process right now---the legal process---waiting to bring home their children from Korea. This story has sent shards of fear through that community. Terrified that the Duquet's actions will usher in more severe penalties for those who are law abiding. In the wake of the 2010 case where Artyem Saviliev was returned to Russia by his adoptive mother, which sparked the demand and the subsequent passage of an US ban on adoptions, I don't think this fear is paranoid. The situation couldn't have occurred at a more difficult time.
Law changes in Korean adoption implemented last year and still being sorted out and have stalled the adoption processes for everyone. The courts are sorting out what documentation they require, children are being abandoned by birth mothers due to the new registry requirements, and additional red tape has meant hundreds of children are delayed even further from being placed in their forever homes.
Could this situation mean even more legal wrangling and delays as the government interprets and enacts the new laws?
This quote from a Chicago Tribune story sums it up best:
###
Related links:
Evanston couple fights for South Korea adoption {Chicago Tribune}
Evanston couple battling 2 countries over adoption {Chicago Tribune}
South Korea tries to recall US adoption {Christian Science Monitor}
Here's the recap:
Jinshil and Christopher Duquet wanted to expand their family through adoption. They already have one daughter, age 10, whom they had adopted from South Korea. Jinshil is South Korean, having moved to the US when she was a child. They attempted to adopt another child in 2011 but learned that they had aged out of the program. Jinshil, 49, and her husband, 55, far surpass the 45 year old age limit for Korean adoptions.
According to the Duquets, they were contacted by a family member of Jinshil's in Korea, who knew of an unwed mother living at a shelter for pregnant women who was searching for an adoptive family. They made an arrangement and Jinshil flew to Korea, waited for the baby's birth, took custody and brought the baby to the US when she was just a few weeks old. According to the family, they worked through a South Korean lawyer to facilitate this "adoption" and have documentation from the child's birth mother and grandmother relinquishing custody.
Upon arrival to the US, they were detained at the airport because the baby did not have the proper documentation for adoption. They appeared in the US courts and the baby was removed from their care due to lack of the proper immigration documents. They filed a court suit, were named guardians and regained custody while this debate over immigration is being dealt with. South Korea says they took the baby illegally and demands the child be surrendered back to South Korea.
Here's why this story bothers me...
* There are rules people. And the rules are set forth by the country of origin. You may not agree with these rules, but that's the way it is. South Korea has deemed that children placed for adoption must have the opportunity to be adopted in Korea first. No child is placed for international adoption until the age of 5-months to allow for the possibility that they may remain in their birth country. This child did not have that opportunity.
* The Duquets have completed an international adoption from Korea before. Anyone who is in this program knows all adoptions are facilitated from the three state sanctioned programs. It can be a complicated and cumbersome system at times, but out of the 40 years Korea has been doing IA, their program has been steady and solid. While no system is foolproof, this system seems to work well in preventing/controlling fraudulent adoptions.
* These folks are WAY out of the age limits. Again, you might not agree with the rules, but Korea absolutely has the right to dictate the terms of international adoption. You age out, you are out of luck.
* No one is arguing that the child was not in need of a home or that the Duquet's do not have a suitable home to give her. The Duquet's are arguing that they were following advice from their South Korean lawyer. They believed they were within the law. But supposedly the Duquets had previously spoken with a South Korean orphanage about their age...might they have also consulted about whether their "private" adoption was legal? And again, they were no strangers to the confusing land of international adoption. It seems likely that they thought they had found a loophole in the system and decided to take advantage of it.
* The most upsetting part for me is that this little girl is paying the price for the Duquet's missteps. A doctor has stated the child shows signs of trauma, due to her removal from the family's care. The family cites that trauma as reasons why the child should remain in their custody.
I still have a lot of friends in process right now---the legal process---waiting to bring home their children from Korea. This story has sent shards of fear through that community. Terrified that the Duquet's actions will usher in more severe penalties for those who are law abiding. In the wake of the 2010 case where Artyem Saviliev was returned to Russia by his adoptive mother, which sparked the demand and the subsequent passage of an US ban on adoptions, I don't think this fear is paranoid. The situation couldn't have occurred at a more difficult time.
Law changes in Korean adoption implemented last year and still being sorted out and have stalled the adoption processes for everyone. The courts are sorting out what documentation they require, children are being abandoned by birth mothers due to the new registry requirements, and additional red tape has meant hundreds of children are delayed even further from being placed in their forever homes.
Could this situation mean even more legal wrangling and delays as the government interprets and enacts the new laws?
This quote from a Chicago Tribune story sums it up best:
"Julie Tye, president of The Cradle, an Evanston adoption agency, offered words of warning to families who want to adopt a child from another country.
"If you find a way to do an adoption in a way that no one else seems to have done, you have to ask yourself this question: 'Do I know something that nobody else knows, or do they know something that I don't know?'
"When it comes to adoption, especially international adoption, the path less traveled is probably the one to be avoided," Tye said."
###
Related links:
Evanston couple fights for South Korea adoption {Chicago Tribune}
Evanston couple battling 2 countries over adoption {Chicago Tribune}
South Korea tries to recall US adoption {Christian Science Monitor}
12.28.2012
US adoption ban leaves Russian children and families in limbo
It was 2001. I was on my first international assignment, documenting health issues in rural Russia.
The group of businessmen that I was working with were visiting a Russian orphanage. I dreaded going there. My mind was filled with the awful images I had seen of children housed in filthy Romanian orphanages.
Fortunately, the orphanage we visited wasn't anything like I had imagined. I'd like to pretend that all the orphanages were like this one, but I'm not that naive. There are an estimated 800,000 children in Russia's government-run orphanages. With numbers that high, it's pretty likely that most places are more grim and dismal than the orphanage I saw.
But here is what we saw that day.
The children greeted the visitors in a large open room, and were delighted to play with the small toys their guests had given them: bubbles, bouncy balls, slinkys.
Some of them ran right up and chattered with us. Others, sat off in the distance and watched carefully.
(This was all long before we started down our path as an adoptive family. I knew back then, that I wanted to adopt a child one day, and that our child might live in a place such as this. I'm so glad that I didn't know as much about adoption then as I do now. I surely wouldn't have been able to keep from sobbing as I watched these children play.)
There was one girl who truly touched my heart. I saw her pulling herself up a staircase, hand over hand. One leg would not move well and she was painfully thin. She gave me a sweet and shy smile. And she kept climbing.
I asked about her and learned that she had a kidney disease. Because of the high cost of the medication, they were only about to try and treat her through diet, which wasn't a treatment at all. Medication, readily available in the US., was the only thing that could help prevent more damage. My heart ached for her and I have shed more than a few tears for her, wondering if she ever found a forever home.
Another little boy was all giggles and smiles as he blew giant bubbles for the crowd. A den mother said something to him about his grandmother's upcoming visit, which shocked me. My translator explained that many of the children in the orphanages had parents, but their parents had their rights terminated for a variety of reasons. However, many of the parents and/or other relatives could come and see these children. Most didn't.
I toured the facility and saw the "houses" that the orphanage was arranged into. Each consisted of 10-12 children, in a cluster of rooms organized around the larger "living room". They had two den mothers, one in the day and one at night. There were 2-3 bedrooms where the children slept.
The rooms were warm. They had patchwork quilts on their bed. The children seemed OK.
But as nice as this place was, it was not a home. Not a family.
****
In the decades that the children have been adopted from Russia, over 60,000 of them have been placed in American homes. The numbers have been decreasing each year as all international adoption programs have. In 2011 nearly 1000 children were placed in the U.S.
Tonight I talked with a soon-to-be father who is bringing home two brothers from Russia. He and his wife have been in process for a year and already traveled to Russia once, spending a week with the 3 and 4 year olds. They have a bedroom ready for the boys. Ornaments hung on the Christmas tree with the boys' names. They have new toy bikes waiting for them.
The family was hoping to get their call in December. The call to bring their children home. But their paperwork was delayed. And the judge who was supposed to hear their case took the entire month of December off for vacation. They thought they had to hang on just a little longer.
Instead, the family is now on hold indefinitely. Last week the soon-to-be father was watching the nightly news and learned that Russia had passed a bill in parliament that would ban adoptions of children to the US. It's a big political game, designed to punish the US for a law passed here called the Magnitsky Act which would sanction Russian officials suspected of human rights violations.
Today, President Vladimir Putin signed the bill into law: Russian children are no longer allowed to be adopted to America.
I swear I could feel a collective shudder in the adoption world when news of this broke. Anyone who has braved the international adoption arena knows this fear all too well. The fear that no matter how close you get, how sure it all seems, that you are dealing with countries and red tape and politics and it can all come undone. There are no safety nets. And the countries have every right to do as they please and change rules at any time. But it's crushing to see the casualties of these types of actions.
Media outlets are stating that around 50 US families had adoptions pending and are affected by the ban. The soon-to-be father and his wife are one of that grim number. We talked as he sat on one of the toddler's beds. Stone faced and in disbelief. He has no idea if the two Russian boys he loves will ever come home.
My heart just breaks for these families. And it grieves for those kids who came so close to having the life they deserve.
Russian Adoption Ban Brings Uncertainty And Outrage {NY Times}
The group of businessmen that I was working with were visiting a Russian orphanage. I dreaded going there. My mind was filled with the awful images I had seen of children housed in filthy Romanian orphanages.
Fortunately, the orphanage we visited wasn't anything like I had imagined. I'd like to pretend that all the orphanages were like this one, but I'm not that naive. There are an estimated 800,000 children in Russia's government-run orphanages. With numbers that high, it's pretty likely that most places are more grim and dismal than the orphanage I saw.
But here is what we saw that day.
The children greeted the visitors in a large open room, and were delighted to play with the small toys their guests had given them: bubbles, bouncy balls, slinkys.
Some of them ran right up and chattered with us. Others, sat off in the distance and watched carefully.
(This was all long before we started down our path as an adoptive family. I knew back then, that I wanted to adopt a child one day, and that our child might live in a place such as this. I'm so glad that I didn't know as much about adoption then as I do now. I surely wouldn't have been able to keep from sobbing as I watched these children play.)
There was one girl who truly touched my heart. I saw her pulling herself up a staircase, hand over hand. One leg would not move well and she was painfully thin. She gave me a sweet and shy smile. And she kept climbing.
I asked about her and learned that she had a kidney disease. Because of the high cost of the medication, they were only about to try and treat her through diet, which wasn't a treatment at all. Medication, readily available in the US., was the only thing that could help prevent more damage. My heart ached for her and I have shed more than a few tears for her, wondering if she ever found a forever home.
Another little boy was all giggles and smiles as he blew giant bubbles for the crowd. A den mother said something to him about his grandmother's upcoming visit, which shocked me. My translator explained that many of the children in the orphanages had parents, but their parents had their rights terminated for a variety of reasons. However, many of the parents and/or other relatives could come and see these children. Most didn't.
I toured the facility and saw the "houses" that the orphanage was arranged into. Each consisted of 10-12 children, in a cluster of rooms organized around the larger "living room". They had two den mothers, one in the day and one at night. There were 2-3 bedrooms where the children slept.
The rooms were warm. They had patchwork quilts on their bed. The children seemed OK.
But as nice as this place was, it was not a home. Not a family.
****
In the decades that the children have been adopted from Russia, over 60,000 of them have been placed in American homes. The numbers have been decreasing each year as all international adoption programs have. In 2011 nearly 1000 children were placed in the U.S.
Tonight I talked with a soon-to-be father who is bringing home two brothers from Russia. He and his wife have been in process for a year and already traveled to Russia once, spending a week with the 3 and 4 year olds. They have a bedroom ready for the boys. Ornaments hung on the Christmas tree with the boys' names. They have new toy bikes waiting for them.
The family was hoping to get their call in December. The call to bring their children home. But their paperwork was delayed. And the judge who was supposed to hear their case took the entire month of December off for vacation. They thought they had to hang on just a little longer.
Instead, the family is now on hold indefinitely. Last week the soon-to-be father was watching the nightly news and learned that Russia had passed a bill in parliament that would ban adoptions of children to the US. It's a big political game, designed to punish the US for a law passed here called the Magnitsky Act which would sanction Russian officials suspected of human rights violations.
Today, President Vladimir Putin signed the bill into law: Russian children are no longer allowed to be adopted to America.
I swear I could feel a collective shudder in the adoption world when news of this broke. Anyone who has braved the international adoption arena knows this fear all too well. The fear that no matter how close you get, how sure it all seems, that you are dealing with countries and red tape and politics and it can all come undone. There are no safety nets. And the countries have every right to do as they please and change rules at any time. But it's crushing to see the casualties of these types of actions.
Media outlets are stating that around 50 US families had adoptions pending and are affected by the ban. The soon-to-be father and his wife are one of that grim number. We talked as he sat on one of the toddler's beds. Stone faced and in disbelief. He has no idea if the two Russian boys he loves will ever come home.
My heart just breaks for these families. And it grieves for those kids who came so close to having the life they deserve.
Russian Adoption Ban Brings Uncertainty And Outrage {NY Times}
11.18.2012
Gratitude Day 17: Adoption
(This post is day 17 of the 21 Days of Gratitude project.)
With today being National Adoption Day, you can probably guess what I'm going to write about. Absolutely, on this day, I am grateful to be an adoptive family!
But some people's approach to National Adoption Day leaves me feeling a little...unsettled. I love celebrating adoption and sharing that with others. For me, National Adoption Day is a great way to remind and raise awareness with the general population that each family is unique with it's own creation story.
Awareness is what the intent behind the day is. It was began to highlight the fact that more than 100,000 children in foster care wait to find permanent homes. That is a huge deal. Definitely worth highlighting.
But what rubs me a bit wrong is the ad campaign approach that many seem to take on this day.
They trump out bible verses about a Christian's responsibility to caring for orphans of the world. They quote statistics about how there are 147-million kids who need to find families, and use catchy slogans about adopting like "Got Adoption?"
In my opinion, if you need to be convinced that you should adopt, then you shouldn't do it. You should not adopt because the bible or the church say to do it. You should not adopt because kids need homes and you have an extra room. You should not adopt because you feel sad thinking about kids who need homes.
That sounds pretty callous. But in my opinion, the only reason to do it is because it's in your heart.
Because you want to. Because you need to.
That passion about adoption is what will get you through the challenging bits. And there will be plenty of those. No matter if you adopt from foster care, international adoption or private adoption, it's complicated. It's not for the faint of heart. It's not for someone who has been convinced or because they think it's the right thing to do.
You have to be completely committed. Unwaveringly determined. Passionate.
You have to go into it with eyes wide open. Knowing that the child has deep hurts in their heart. That they will have questions about those who came before you. That there will be things you cannot change or fix for them and that will likely cause you deep hurts too.
Now, if you are considering adoption, by all means, check it out. It's wonderful and my life has been blessed by it. I'd be happy to tell you all the things I've learned, more about the process, whatever you want to know.
I'm not trying to discourage anyone.
But all this hoopla just feels a little weird to me.
Anyone else???
With today being National Adoption Day, you can probably guess what I'm going to write about. Absolutely, on this day, I am grateful to be an adoptive family!
But some people's approach to National Adoption Day leaves me feeling a little...unsettled. I love celebrating adoption and sharing that with others. For me, National Adoption Day is a great way to remind and raise awareness with the general population that each family is unique with it's own creation story.
Awareness is what the intent behind the day is. It was began to highlight the fact that more than 100,000 children in foster care wait to find permanent homes. That is a huge deal. Definitely worth highlighting.
But what rubs me a bit wrong is the ad campaign approach that many seem to take on this day.
They trump out bible verses about a Christian's responsibility to caring for orphans of the world. They quote statistics about how there are 147-million kids who need to find families, and use catchy slogans about adopting like "Got Adoption?"
In my opinion, if you need to be convinced that you should adopt, then you shouldn't do it. You should not adopt because the bible or the church say to do it. You should not adopt because kids need homes and you have an extra room. You should not adopt because you feel sad thinking about kids who need homes.
That sounds pretty callous. But in my opinion, the only reason to do it is because it's in your heart.
Because you want to. Because you need to.
That passion about adoption is what will get you through the challenging bits. And there will be plenty of those. No matter if you adopt from foster care, international adoption or private adoption, it's complicated. It's not for the faint of heart. It's not for someone who has been convinced or because they think it's the right thing to do.
You have to be completely committed. Unwaveringly determined. Passionate.
You have to go into it with eyes wide open. Knowing that the child has deep hurts in their heart. That they will have questions about those who came before you. That there will be things you cannot change or fix for them and that will likely cause you deep hurts too.
Now, if you are considering adoption, by all means, check it out. It's wonderful and my life has been blessed by it. I'd be happy to tell you all the things I've learned, more about the process, whatever you want to know.
I'm not trying to discourage anyone.
But all this hoopla just feels a little weird to me.
Anyone else???
10.09.2012
Unintended consequences of Korea's new adoption rules
 |
| {image credit} |
Here's a recent article highlighting the concerns of some about the unintended consequences of Korea's new adoption rules. Korea's adoption rules changed in August with the intent of protecting the rights of children.
The new law makes it mandatory that birth parents must register children they are placing for adoption, making the adoption process more transparent and encouraging more domestic placements. However, the concern by pastor Lee Jong-rak is that this registration (and required waiting period before relinquishment) will cause a surge of abandoning babies without any documentation at all.
Jong-rak operates a "baby box" from his church, where babies can be placed safely instead of being abandoned on the streets. In the past 2 months since the law took place, the numbers of children left in the box have more than doubled.
A really interesting story, but so sad to see the unintended consequences of the law and how desperate these birth mothers are.
8.16.2012
Korean adoptees and citizenship
 |
| Korean soldiers at the DMZ. © Cheese Curds & Kimchi. |
Prior to the revision in the law, Korea did not allow dual citizenship after the age of 21. So adoptees would have to choose between citizenship in their adoptive country or Korea. In addition, men over the age of 18 had to serve a mandatory military service, so if an adopted man chose to maintain a Korean citizenship, he had to serve in the military. There are conflicting Korean laws though, which make it possible for a male, born in Korea but not raised there, to be held and drafted into the military. This new Nationality Law revision seems to address that concern for male adoptees. (See this post by Ask A Korean for more information on the drafting issue.)
It sounds like the new rule will make allowances for male adoptees due to language barriers and figure out some other alternative military service (although they will still have to perform some sort of service by the sound of it).
Anyway, a great option for our kids to be able to connect with their birth culture.
For more information, G'OAL has an e-book for sale HERE.
5.08.2012
Adoption Day, Single Mothers' Day in Korea
As usual, not much time to write. But wanted to share this link to a great story about a new holiday in Korea that is aimed at bringing awareness to adoption and adoption issues.
A Day For Forgotten Moms of Korean Adoptees
A Day For Forgotten Moms of Korean Adoptees
3.19.2012
Domestic adoption rules change in Korea
News of yet another change in the revision of adoption processes in Korea. This rule came into effect March 9 and doesn't seem to speak specifically to international adoptions. But it could possibly have big repercussions for the domestic adoption process in Korea.
Some of the big changes are:
Some of the big changes are:
- Birthmothers must wait 7 days before relinquishing the babies for adoption: this sure seems tough. In the US the waiting period is 24-72 hours. It's unclear in this article if the birthmothers in Korea will remain in contact with the babies during this waiting period.
- Domestic adoptions will be on the public record: this seems like the biggest and most potentially problematic rule change. Adoption in Korea is still quite secretive and the majority of the adoptive parents there do not tell family or children about the adoption. So if the adoption is now a public record, will it make Koreans less inclined to do it? This would have the exact opposite result that the government has been aiming for which is to promote domestic adoption.
11.20.2011
Things are moving again in the Korean adoption world
It's been a long summer for many families in the Korean adoption community. After the government halted the EP distribution back in June, many families were unable to bring their children home. Some agencies also temporarily stopped making referrals. A few EPs were released in August, but overall it seemed that all the agencies had very little movement.
So it's been a long summer without much good news about families being matched or united.
Until now...
In the past month, have heard of several families who are traveling to bring their little ones home. And this week, in one of my adoption support groups, two different families received referrals! Wahoo! (Read Amy's referral story HERE. And read April's story HERE--she's actually in Korea right now to bring home her twins!)
Hopefully things will continue to progress smoothly for other families who are still waiting. We have our fingers crossed for two families in particular (Heather and Christy, you know we are in your corner!)
With all the uncertainty about the future of Korea's adoption program, it's great to know things are at least moving again. Still no definitive answers on how Korea's new rules might change the process. And the latest statistics about international adoption in the US reflect the changes in many other countries regarding their adoption programs. It's a challenging time for international adoption.
Here's a few more links with current news regarding Korea's international adoption program and the state of international adoption in general.
Will Korea end limits on overseas adoptions? {Korea Herald}
In defense of adoption {Korean Quarterly}
Foreign adoptions by Americans plunge again {Atlanta Journal-Constitution}
So it's been a long summer without much good news about families being matched or united.
Until now...
In the past month, have heard of several families who are traveling to bring their little ones home. And this week, in one of my adoption support groups, two different families received referrals! Wahoo! (Read Amy's referral story HERE. And read April's story HERE--she's actually in Korea right now to bring home her twins!)
Hopefully things will continue to progress smoothly for other families who are still waiting. We have our fingers crossed for two families in particular (Heather and Christy, you know we are in your corner!)
With all the uncertainty about the future of Korea's adoption program, it's great to know things are at least moving again. Still no definitive answers on how Korea's new rules might change the process. And the latest statistics about international adoption in the US reflect the changes in many other countries regarding their adoption programs. It's a challenging time for international adoption.
Here's a few more links with current news regarding Korea's international adoption program and the state of international adoption in general.
Will Korea end limits on overseas adoptions? {Korea Herald}
In defense of adoption {Korean Quarterly}
Foreign adoptions by Americans plunge again {Atlanta Journal-Constitution}
11.08.2011
Presidential Proclamation for National Adoption Month
 |
| {source} |
"The decision to adopt a child has brought profound joy and meaning into the lives of Americans across our country. Parents are moved to adopt for reasons as unique and varied as the children they embrace, but they are unified by the remarkable grace of their acts. Adoptive families come in all forms. With so many children waiting for loving homes, it is important to ensure that all qualified caregivers are given the opportunity to serve as adoptive parents, regardless of race, religion, sexual orientation, or marital status."
The only point I might differ with him on, is that there is grace in the act of adoption. I think most people adopt because we want to parent. We take different paths to choosing to parent through adoption, but I'm not sure it's a decision with any more grace than becoming a parent biologically.
But overall, I thought his sentiment was well expressed. I appreciate that he included reference to children adopted from the U.S. and from abroad. And acknowledging that there are a variety of reasons we walk down this path.
Read the entire proclamation HERE.
8.10.2011
EPs are moving!
Yipee! Heard some good news from some adoptive families today and a few have received EPs. This is following the devastating news in June that there would be no more EPs issued by the Korean government for the remainder of the year.
Here's a link with some details on the EP movement: The EP process has started to flow again in Korea
MPAK's site also had the best information on the EP halt that I had read anywhere. Read that post HERE.
Here's also a few other random links I found recently, detailing the policy changes from Korea that could affect international adoptions.
Korean Unwed Mothers Support Network--details on the new One Parent Family Support Law. Article 20 is particularly interesting:
Hoping that those waiting families will be able to bring their children home soon and thankful that the Korean government has been able to move the process forward again.
Here's a link with some details on the EP movement: The EP process has started to flow again in Korea
MPAK's site also had the best information on the EP halt that I had read anywhere. Read that post HERE.
Here's also a few other random links I found recently, detailing the policy changes from Korea that could affect international adoptions.
Korean Unwed Mothers Support Network--details on the new One Parent Family Support Law. Article 20 is particularly interesting:
"Adoption agency are not allowed to establish or run maternity homes from July 1, 2015. Unwed mothers’ homes that are currently run by adoption agencies should be closed or changed into social welfare facilities for one parent families by the aforementioned date. "Bethany Christian Services' blog
Hoping that those waiting families will be able to bring their children home soon and thankful that the Korean government has been able to move the process forward again.
12.16.2010
A photo exhibit to encourage domestic adoptions in South Korea
 |
| Photos by Jo Se Hyun via KoreanVibe.com |
An annual photo exhibit titled "The 8th Letter of Angels - Happiness" is set to open in Seoul Korea.
A Korean photographer, Jo Se Hyun, shot some beautiful portraits of babies awaiting adoption posed with celebrities.
It's an annual photo exhibition, produced jointly with the Social Welfare Society. The aim is to encourage adoption domestically in South Korea.
The Korean government has been strongly encouraging adoption, but it's been a challenge. There are many misconceptions and prejudices toward adoption, and the government is struggling to combat these. There is also a strong cultural importance on blood and family name. Many Koreans who have adopted keep it a secret, fearing social stigma if the adoption is known, for their family and their children.
So for those reason, I think this is sort of a cool idea. Showing that these babies are beautiful and adorable, and deserve a family.
But viewing it with my American eyes, this feels too commercial. We are used to seeing celebrities "sell" ideas, but more often we see them sell merchandise. This feels like very slick merchandising.
(See, these stars think these babies are very cute and fun, and you will too!)
I realize that we cannot ever fully understand another culture, and I'm trying hard to remember that I'm viewing this through my USA filter. But it still feels a bit weird.
Korean society does put a lot of emphasis on fitting in and doing what others do. Perhaps exhibits like this will positively influence others in the country. There has been an increase in domestic adoptions in recent years, so perhaps it's working.
Either way, there is no denying that these babies are gorgeous!
12.09.2010
An amazing adoption story: The Belles-Silcock family
POV just announced the winners of their "This is my family" story campaign. You can get to the page with the winning videos HERE.
Most of the stories are about foster adoptions, but one was about special needs adoptions. The Belles-Silcock family have adopted 31 children, with three more adoptions pending. If that number wasn't astounding enough, the fact that all of the children are boys, AND they all have special needs--it's mind blowing!
Their entry for the POV contest was a music video titled "Band of Brothers" and features the members of the family playing and singing. The main singer, Richard James, tells a story about having a stroke at the age of 4, going blind from a tumor, and being hospitalized throughout his life, and what having a family and a "band of brothers" has meant to him.
Check out their winning video HERE. And while you are at it, roam around their family website and read some of the bios of their children. This family is quite amazing!
Most of the stories are about foster adoptions, but one was about special needs adoptions. The Belles-Silcock family have adopted 31 children, with three more adoptions pending. If that number wasn't astounding enough, the fact that all of the children are boys, AND they all have special needs--it's mind blowing!
Their entry for the POV contest was a music video titled "Band of Brothers" and features the members of the family playing and singing. The main singer, Richard James, tells a story about having a stroke at the age of 4, going blind from a tumor, and being hospitalized throughout his life, and what having a family and a "band of brothers" has meant to him.
Check out their winning video HERE. And while you are at it, roam around their family website and read some of the bios of their children. This family is quite amazing!
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