Grab the tissues---you are going to need them when you watch this movie trailer. Remember the pastor that I mentioned in THIS post? Well, here's a preview of a new documentary film that features him and his work.
There are so many reasons I cried when watching this. Of course, it's hard to think about babies being abandoned in this way. Imagining them, alone and vulnerable like this is terrifying. It hurts to think of the questions that will surely arise for them later as they deal with the fact that they were abandoned in a box.
But I feel equally as hurt to envision the pressures these mothers must have been under to do such a thing. The very act of placing your child in a box is so desperate, broken, hopeless. It speaks volumes that they could not look someone in the face and place their child in their arms. Do they feel ashamed? Ashamed that they are pregnant? Or ashamed that they cannot or choose not to care for the child?
We can't know what the circumstances are that led to the decision, but surely, the lack of acceptance for an unwed mother in the Korean culture must be a mitigating factor for many of them.
I have no blame for them. No blame for the society or culture. It is what it is. It's just difficult to see the results---abandoned children.
But mostly the tears start to fall when I think, that could have been my child. That could have been my child's birth mother who was making that decision. But it wasn't because she made an adoption plan for him. She braved walking into an agency, having a conversation with people face to face, and following through on a plan for her baby. Thank goodness she had the conviction to do this!
I wonder if she had doubts about doing it this way? Wonder if she too was ever tempted to try and hide, to keep this child's birth a secret and place him in a box where she'd never have to answer questions about why and how? What made her choose her path? Oh, how I wish I could talk with her and ask.
I wish I could thank her.
Of course, there are some happy tears too. Thankful tears, that there are good people out there like this pastor. Good people who take the most innocent and give them a place---a family.
I'm gonna be a mess when this movie comes out. Better start buying stock in Kleenex now!
So watch this preview. And get through it without a tear. I dare you.
"The Drop Box" - Documentary PROMO from Brian Ivie on Vimeo.
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Love, love, LOVE this post by Martha Osborne about adopting your last child.
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Adoring this sweet quilting pattern. A shame I don't quilt....but my Mom does. Hint, hint!
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Genius! How to make gift bags from newspaper!
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This Pumpkin Lust cake is calling my name.
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A super amazing collection of photos from President Obama's tenure, in Portrait of a Presidency. Regardless of your political convictions, it's a great insight into the White House and wonderful photography by Pete Souza..
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Just added The Korean Cinderella to our book wish list. There are lots of insights to Korean culture and tradition woven through the book.
Showing posts with label adoption movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adoption movies. Show all posts
10.13.2012
7.26.2012
As long as we're talking films...Finding Seoul
As long as we are talking adoption films...this one is on my list of movies to see. Filmmaker John Sanvidge from NYC shares his adoption story, and subsequent return to Korea to search for his birth parents in his movie "Finding Seoul".
The film looks interesting but there's one key thing that the filmmaker says (in the second trailer) that makes me really want to see it. He says he's always felt like there was something missing in his life. And that sentiment is something that really scares me as an adoptive mom. I know that no amount of love or happiness can prevent him from feeling feelings like that, and I won't be able to fix it for him. If he does feel that loss (as many adoptees do) I can only hope that he knows we will always support his efforts to explore his feelings and do whatever we can to help him be at peace with them.
Hopefully some of this is addressed in the film. It's only one person's perspective, but we can learn something from everyone.
For more information, or to purchase the film, go HERE.
http://youtu.be/mDcWeUIEGME
http://youtu.be/1tWcsqd_htU
The film looks interesting but there's one key thing that the filmmaker says (in the second trailer) that makes me really want to see it. He says he's always felt like there was something missing in his life. And that sentiment is something that really scares me as an adoptive mom. I know that no amount of love or happiness can prevent him from feeling feelings like that, and I won't be able to fix it for him. If he does feel that loss (as many adoptees do) I can only hope that he knows we will always support his efforts to explore his feelings and do whatever we can to help him be at peace with them.
Hopefully some of this is addressed in the film. It's only one person's perspective, but we can learn something from everyone.
For more information, or to purchase the film, go HERE.
http://youtu.be/mDcWeUIEGME
http://youtu.be/1tWcsqd_htU
7.25.2012
This film needs to be made: Geographies of Kinship
What is the definition of family? Is it who you are connected to by genetics? Or who you are connected to by the heart? Is there room for both? How are they different or the same?
I have often contemplated this and have since I was a kid. In our family we had plenty of people who were raising children they may or may not be connected to genetically. But we were family all the same. So genetics really never factored much into my definition of who was family.
But sometimes I had this strange pull...the attraction to (and wondering about) people I was genetically related to but didn't know. Were THOSE people family? How could I include them in the same circle of loving and reliable people that I defined as family? I needed a new definition for people that I was genetically related to and yet had no emotional connection to. I never found that definition...
Exploring the map of kinships continues to be an interesting topic to me, and filmmaker Deann Borshay Liem is fascinated with the topic too. She's currently raising funds for her third film about adoption. Borshay Liem is a Korean adoptee herself and has already made two films about the Korean adoption experience: First Person Plural was about her personal adoption story, and in In The Matter Of Cha Jung Hee, Borshay Liem documented her search for a Korean girl who was supposed to be adopted to the U.S., and never was.
Borshay Liem in the final days of fundraising for the project. Here's her KICKSTARTER fundraising page if you are interested in more information.
I have often contemplated this and have since I was a kid. In our family we had plenty of people who were raising children they may or may not be connected to genetically. But we were family all the same. So genetics really never factored much into my definition of who was family.
But sometimes I had this strange pull...the attraction to (and wondering about) people I was genetically related to but didn't know. Were THOSE people family? How could I include them in the same circle of loving and reliable people that I defined as family? I needed a new definition for people that I was genetically related to and yet had no emotional connection to. I never found that definition...
Exploring the map of kinships continues to be an interesting topic to me, and filmmaker Deann Borshay Liem is fascinated with the topic too. She's currently raising funds for her third film about adoption. Borshay Liem is a Korean adoptee herself and has already made two films about the Korean adoption experience: First Person Plural was about her personal adoption story, and in In The Matter Of Cha Jung Hee, Borshay Liem documented her search for a Korean girl who was supposed to be adopted to the U.S., and never was.
Borshay Liem in the final days of fundraising for the project. Here's her KICKSTARTER fundraising page if you are interested in more information.
8.08.2011
Book Club Monday
Our first book club Monday! I should be all dressed up in heels with lipstick on, welcoming you at the door with a fruity, umbrella-topped drink. But really, I'm on the couch, in my sweats with a cold cup of coffee and hoping LM stays asleep for more than 30-minutes so I can try and organize my thoughts.
For more info on the book we are reading, click HERE. All passages with page numbers are from Sherrie Eldridge's book, 20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed.
Since I've never been in book club before, I really have no idea what to do. So let's just dive in and see what happens. Use the comments area to chime in the discussion, ask questions, or give your own opinions on the book. What's important here is the conversation, and to build a community where we can support one another to become the best parents that we can be!
Suggested discussion questions from the book:
My take:
As I read, I highlighted the things that spoke to me, and I realized there's a bit of a theme. Here's the passages that stuck out to me:
I acknowledge that my concerns, at this point in our journey, are largely related to my role as a parent--my need to know I'm doing this parenting thing right. I'm also feeling a bit unsure of myself and LM's feelings for me. Ihope know much of this will change as our relationship grows, but right now, three months into our relationship, this is where I stand. Maybe my concerns about my abilities as a mom speak more to my insecurity as a new parent than about being an adoptive parent specifically.
The worry about what is *normal*---yeah, I do that alot. Right now, I wonder "is this normal toddler behavior or is this because he's grieving?" and the thing I grapple with is that I'll never know for sure. That's tough for me because if I don't know what the problem is, how can I *fix* it? And even that statement is silly, because adoption isn't something you can *fix*. And really, what does it matter if anything is normal or not? I'm trying to understand how I can accept things as they are and not hold them against some imaginary bar of *normal*.
I love the quote about love being a commitment to our children. This quote really highlights my relationship with LM right now as he tends to push me away when he's hurt or frustrated even though I know that he wants the closeness. I have felt hurt when this happens, but struggled mightily to not go to that place of feeling rejected. I try to identify with how he must be feeling (frustrated, scared, etc.) and that keeps me rooted in his emotions instead of mine.
To address a few of the discussion questions--
1. My definition of successful parenting (adoptive or not) would be to raise compassionate and independent children by being encouraging, committed to them, and truthful with them. Those definitions hold for me after reading the chapter. I'm not sure I'd change that definition because we are an adoptive family.
3. This is a really key point for me. I tend to base everything on outcome. Right now, I'm embarrassed to say, that I frequently define worth by performance. I hold myself to that standard, which means that I often have a love/loathe relationship with myself depending on my performance at that moment. Not able to nail the perfect photo at a crucial time? I'm a terrible photographer and need to find a new profession. Handled a tough discussion with a friend in a sensitive way? I'm a great person!
I've also transferred this type of judgment to my relationship with The Man. He says something snippy to me? He's a jerk. He remembers to pick up milk on his way home? He's the best husband ever. There is no gray for me, it's all good or all bad.
That's my type-A perfectionism kicking into overdrive. And it's not healthy for any relationship, because the people who I hold to this standard are constantly in a competition with themselves. They don't know it, but if they aren't performing up to snuff, I'm noting that. This is exhausting, ridiculous and sad. I've been working on it for years, and there's probably some deep psychoanalytical reason why I do this. Maybe to keep me from feeling hurt when I'm disappointed. But it also gets in the way of having the close and intimate relationships that I want. It's still a work in progress, but I know that it's even more important to pay attention to now.
OK, your turn. What's your take?
For more info on the book we are reading, click HERE. All passages with page numbers are from Sherrie Eldridge's book, 20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed.
Since I've never been in book club before, I really have no idea what to do. So let's just dive in and see what happens. Use the comments area to chime in the discussion, ask questions, or give your own opinions on the book. What's important here is the conversation, and to build a community where we can support one another to become the best parents that we can be!
Suggested discussion questions from the book:
- How would you have defined successful adoptive parenting before reading this chapter? Use descriptive, powerful, one-word definitions. Then think of an example that illustrates your one-word (or several-word) definition.
- How would you describe the sweet spot of success for yourself as a parent of an adopted child? Have you experienced it? If not, what might you do to find it?
- Describe the difference between defining one's worth as a parent, or child, by performance instead of by person hood. How would both a parent and a child behave under each of these categories?
- What do you need from the group before meeting again?
My take:
As I read, I highlighted the things that spoke to me, and I realized there's a bit of a theme. Here's the passages that stuck out to me:
"Perhaps they're studying the map for the exit called "Normal, which will lead them in the direction of knowing what is normal for adoptive parents and children." (pg xxii)
"You face parenting with an extra layer of challenges that the nonadopted world likely will never comprehend: your child's abandonment and attachment issues, unresolved grief, loss of the birth family and foster family, missing or painful birth histories...all occurring before your child came to live permanently with you." (pg 8)
"Your child's positive, negative or passive response to all of your input doesn't indicate success." (pg 8)
"Parenting Success, Adoption-style: to base love and acceptance of my child on his personhood, not his performance. (pg 9)
"My love as a mom is one of commitment---one that doesn't quit even when they want to." (pg 10)
"...the core need of an adoptive parent's heart---to know that your child loves you." (pg 11)
I acknowledge that my concerns, at this point in our journey, are largely related to my role as a parent--my need to know I'm doing this parenting thing right. I'm also feeling a bit unsure of myself and LM's feelings for me. I
The worry about what is *normal*---yeah, I do that alot. Right now, I wonder "is this normal toddler behavior or is this because he's grieving?" and the thing I grapple with is that I'll never know for sure. That's tough for me because if I don't know what the problem is, how can I *fix* it? And even that statement is silly, because adoption isn't something you can *fix*. And really, what does it matter if anything is normal or not? I'm trying to understand how I can accept things as they are and not hold them against some imaginary bar of *normal*.
I love the quote about love being a commitment to our children. This quote really highlights my relationship with LM right now as he tends to push me away when he's hurt or frustrated even though I know that he wants the closeness. I have felt hurt when this happens, but struggled mightily to not go to that place of feeling rejected. I try to identify with how he must be feeling (frustrated, scared, etc.) and that keeps me rooted in his emotions instead of mine.
To address a few of the discussion questions--
1. My definition of successful parenting (adoptive or not) would be to raise compassionate and independent children by being encouraging, committed to them, and truthful with them. Those definitions hold for me after reading the chapter. I'm not sure I'd change that definition because we are an adoptive family.
3. This is a really key point for me. I tend to base everything on outcome. Right now, I'm embarrassed to say, that I frequently define worth by performance. I hold myself to that standard, which means that I often have a love/loathe relationship with myself depending on my performance at that moment. Not able to nail the perfect photo at a crucial time? I'm a terrible photographer and need to find a new profession. Handled a tough discussion with a friend in a sensitive way? I'm a great person!
I've also transferred this type of judgment to my relationship with The Man. He says something snippy to me? He's a jerk. He remembers to pick up milk on his way home? He's the best husband ever. There is no gray for me, it's all good or all bad.
That's my type-A perfectionism kicking into overdrive. And it's not healthy for any relationship, because the people who I hold to this standard are constantly in a competition with themselves. They don't know it, but if they aren't performing up to snuff, I'm noting that. This is exhausting, ridiculous and sad. I've been working on it for years, and there's probably some deep psychoanalytical reason why I do this. Maybe to keep me from feeling hurt when I'm disappointed. But it also gets in the way of having the close and intimate relationships that I want. It's still a work in progress, but I know that it's even more important to pay attention to now.
OK, your turn. What's your take?
10.04.2010
Then She Found Me
A love story. An adoption story. A birth mother story. A freaking cry fest. That's what this movie is.
Just watched "Then She Found Me" starring Helen Hunt (love her), Bette Midler and Colin Firth. It's a really good movie--a bit romantic, a bit dark, a bit heart breaking, a bit hopeful. Here's the trailer:
I really didn't know that this was about adoption. I was just hunting for a good movie from the Netflix cue. It caught me by surprise, but I stuck with it. But at one point I had to stop the movie because I was caught by huge, wracking sobs.
Now I'm not the kind of girl who cries like this. I'm not sure exactly why I was crying either. I seem to be doing a lot of this lately. Hmm..
My only complaint about the movie is that adoption seems to be depicted as a second-best choice most of the time. Over all though, I really liked this movie.
It's on the "instant" section of Netflix if you have a membership. Worth the hours (and tears).
Just watched "Then She Found Me" starring Helen Hunt (love her), Bette Midler and Colin Firth. It's a really good movie--a bit romantic, a bit dark, a bit heart breaking, a bit hopeful. Here's the trailer:
I really didn't know that this was about adoption. I was just hunting for a good movie from the Netflix cue. It caught me by surprise, but I stuck with it. But at one point I had to stop the movie because I was caught by huge, wracking sobs.
Now I'm not the kind of girl who cries like this. I'm not sure exactly why I was crying either. I seem to be doing a lot of this lately. Hmm..
My only complaint about the movie is that adoption seems to be depicted as a second-best choice most of the time. Over all though, I really liked this movie.
It's on the "instant" section of Netflix if you have a membership. Worth the hours (and tears).
9.23.2010
POV Adoption Stories
Have you been watching the POV series on adoption? I have to admit that we haven't got around to it yet. Soon...very soon.
There's quite a few cool things that PBS has organized in conjunction with this series. One thing I particularly love is their effort to collect adoption stories, and stories featuring the unique ways that ordinary families are created. They are gathering these stories in the "This is my family" project and are asking for submissions. It seems pretty simple--a 1-3 minute video telling why your family is special. HERE is the link for more info on this project. (And if you make the video, don't forget to share the link with all of us here!)
Another awesomely cool thing is THIS site for educators, complete with lesson plans and discussion guides on topics such as the role and status of women in Korea, and how race/religion shape a person's identity.
You can also sign up to host a screening of films! Sign up online HERE and they'll send the films right to your home.
If you haven't watched the series, it's not too late. Here's some links to the online streams to view the stories:
Wo Ai Ni (I Love You) Mommy: available online until November 30
Off and Running: available online until December 7
In the Matter of Cha Jung Hee: available until October 15
There's quite a few cool things that PBS has organized in conjunction with this series. One thing I particularly love is their effort to collect adoption stories, and stories featuring the unique ways that ordinary families are created. They are gathering these stories in the "This is my family" project and are asking for submissions. It seems pretty simple--a 1-3 minute video telling why your family is special. HERE is the link for more info on this project. (And if you make the video, don't forget to share the link with all of us here!)
Another awesomely cool thing is THIS site for educators, complete with lesson plans and discussion guides on topics such as the role and status of women in Korea, and how race/religion shape a person's identity.
You can also sign up to host a screening of films! Sign up online HERE and they'll send the films right to your home.
If you haven't watched the series, it's not too late. Here's some links to the online streams to view the stories:
Wo Ai Ni (I Love You) Mommy: available online until November 30
Off and Running: available online until December 7
In the Matter of Cha Jung Hee: available until October 15
8.05.2010
Adoption stories on POV
Point of View is one of my favorite television shows. I'm a sucker for a good documentary. If you haven't seen the show, they always present compelling stories in a non-exploitive or hyped up way. I learn so much about things I've never experienced before and other ways of living.
I just found out they are doing a series on adoption! From the snippets in the trailers, the stories look amazing.
First Person Plural airs August 10. A Korean-born California-raised adoptee begins to remember her birth family, and investigates her adoption story.
Wo Ai Ni (I Love You) Mommy airs August 31. This story follows Fan Sui Yong, and 8-year old Chinese born girl, adopted to a Long Island Jewish family. This story shows the identity struggle international adoptees go through.
Off And Running airs September 7. Avery, an African American, was adopted transracially. She struggles to understand her birth culture and her identity.
In The Matter of Cha Jung Hee airs September 14. This film is a follow-up to First Person Plural, where filmmaker Deann Borshay Liem returns to Korea to find Cha Jung Hee. Hee was the child Liem was supposed to be when she was adopted to a California family.
Tips: If you go to the POV websites, you can sign up for emailed reminders when the shows air. Genius! Check your local listings (also from the POV site) because each show airs more than once. And three of the four films are available for online viewing for several months after their air date.
I just found out they are doing a series on adoption! From the snippets in the trailers, the stories look amazing.
First Person Plural airs August 10. A Korean-born California-raised adoptee begins to remember her birth family, and investigates her adoption story.
Wo Ai Ni (I Love You) Mommy airs August 31. This story follows Fan Sui Yong, and 8-year old Chinese born girl, adopted to a Long Island Jewish family. This story shows the identity struggle international adoptees go through.
Off And Running airs September 7. Avery, an African American, was adopted transracially. She struggles to understand her birth culture and her identity.
In The Matter of Cha Jung Hee airs September 14. This film is a follow-up to First Person Plural, where filmmaker Deann Borshay Liem returns to Korea to find Cha Jung Hee. Hee was the child Liem was supposed to be when she was adopted to a California family.
Tips: If you go to the POV websites, you can sign up for emailed reminders when the shows air. Genius! Check your local listings (also from the POV site) because each show airs more than once. And three of the four films are available for online viewing for several months after their air date.
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