I read the first one while we were waiting for Little Man to come home (read our review HERE) and I liked the directness of the author. It probably bears going back and re-reading at some point.
Just got the new book and it's starting out just as well as the first one. She worked with about 100 families that represent all stages of adoption (waiting, new parents, parents with children who are struggling, parents of adult adoptees, etc.) and has also added her own expertise as an adoptee as well.
She's covering some excellent topics, many of which are pertinent to our family right now. Some chapters discuss: knowing when and how to talk about adoption, knowing that being different is a good thing, how to handle the "real-parent" question, discovering what really comforts your child, honoring your child birth parents, parent/child intimacy, dealing with perfectionism (I might have to read this chapter many, many times before it sinks in, lol!), and several other great topics.
I've only read the introduction, but I've already found food for thought:
"Success doesn't depend on your child's choices.I really love this. I mean, on one hand, you know that your children will do what they are going to do. But I feel this weight that if I don't do just the right things, or have all the right information, and LM has struggles down the road, it will be my fault. Mommy guilt I guess.
Your child's positive, negative, or passive response to all of your input doesn't indicate success. Isn't that a relief? All adopted people ultimately make choices and must live with the consequences of those choices, even though you are constantly cheering them on with unconditional love."
So this helps me put it into perspective a bit. And give me some boundaries to separate LM's choices from mine. I never thought about defining what it will mean to be a successful parent. Yes, I would love to see LM be a successful person in society, but what does that mean? And if he isn't successful, does that reflect back on my parenting? Does it mean that I've failed? Can I separate my need for success from his?
I just love all these thought provoking issues, and definitely take comfort in knowing that others have experienced the same emotions and thoughts. Of course, I know I'm totally overthinking much of this stuff. Shouldn't I be able to just focus on being a mom, and quit obsessing about these things? (The answer is probably yes, but I'm just not wired that way.)
Learning how to get closer to my son, and understanding how adoption shapes our family is really important to me. And I obsess. So...this is a great book for me right now. And seeing as how there are discussion/support group discussions at the end of each chapter, I thought, wow, this might be a fun book to talk about with other folks. And by other folks, I mean YOU.
So, I ask you, are you as obsessive as I am? Are you interested in reading along? Or if you have already read it, maybe you'd just like to chat about it? Nothing formal or fancy. Just some casual discussions.
Raise your hand if you are in! Anyone? Anyone?? I promise not to go all book-club perfectionist on you and freak out if you didn't do the week's reading. I'm happy to host and I'll even serve tea and crumpets. (OK, maybe that part isn't exactly true. But I'll likely be crunching on Cheetos and gulping coffee.)
I'm going to start blogging about it, every other Monday, starting on August 8. I got my copy through Ama.zon and it was delivered in 2 days with free shipping! Also, it's available in a Kindle edition. The first chapter is 16 pages and is titled "Discover the Sweet Spot of Success. Learn Where to Experience Peace and Joy, No Matter What"
Hope you'll join me and I'll see you on the 8th!