When I was in my 20's I was quite positive that I wasn't going to see my 30's. I'm not sure why I felt like that but I was sure it was my fate. I tried to accomplish as much as I could in my 20's because I thought that my time here was limited. It wasn't scary at all then, but it is odd, now that I think about it.
So when I turned 30, it was a little shocking. Here was this milestone that I was completely unprepared to reach. I realized that my prediction of an early demise was evidently off (so much for my future as a psychic) and thank goodness because the 30's were great! We began to travel, I changed careers, found new hobbies, our marriage grew stronger and I achieved a lot of my professional goals.
While I was focused on conquering the world in my 30's, the big 4-0 sneaks up on me (funny how that works). Time for another shocking revelation. I had always been going, doing and achieving. I think it's the left-over pattern that I set up for myself when I was in my 20's and thought my time was running out. I went from "I'm gonna die soon" to the other extreme "I'm gonna be a kid forever". The realization that time was marching by hit me like a brick. I couldn't believe that this was MY life I was talking about. That this was ME that was entering middle age.
And then the next shock was, "WAIT, we haven't had a family yet!" Stupid realization, I know. But my biological clock had never really ticked. I hadn't given it time to. I felt old, on the downslide, and like I had squandered the opportunity to do something I really wanted, but never realized that I wanted. And what if I was too old to be a mommy? That really bothered me.
So last year was really about awakenings for me. I got to know myself a lot better and that was the best part about last year. And we finally faced the decisions about family that we had been debating on for years!
So my birthday rolls around again, and this year it's all different. This year, I see another number tick by but this time, I'm excited about the direction our lives are going in.
Today is not only a birthday milestone, but a life style milestone too. It's our first home study meeting! I can't think of a better birthday present. I know this next year is going to be challenging, but it's so exciting to think that each challenge brings us one step closer to being a family.
So happy to be at this place, at this time. I am thankful for today.
(image credit: http://www.webweaver.nu/)