6.15.2010

Attack of the baby bumps

Everywhere I go lately, there are babies and families and pregnant women.

They never bothered me before. In fact, I don't even think I noticed them. But now, it seems that the universe is conspiring against me.

I've had enough of all these happy families, with a baby in a giant-assed stroller and 5 other gorgeous kids in tow. I know, I know, one day we will be one of them, but right now, it's painful.

I'm tired of women with giant baby bumps surrounding me at the grocery story. The other day there were no less than 4, all with their bellies popped out like they were going to deliver at any moment.

It's annoying that when I am reading blogs, and am about to visit a site about waiting to adopt or infertility and then the blog loads and I'm facing a photo of a newly birthed miracle.

I know I'm supposed to be happy for all of them. And I usually am. But right now, I'm uber sensitive.

I never wanted these things before. I didn't envy women waddling around with swollen ankles. I didn't want to take on fertility measures to grow our own genetic wunderkind. In fact, the though of being pregnant kind of creeps me out. But seeing all these babies everywhere, (and I know I am assuming that they were all easily conceived) makes my heart hurt.

I think my mommy genes have kicked into full throttle. We are still ecstatic about adoption--that hasn't changed at all. It's the waiting and not knowing how long it will take us to get through this process is messing with my brain. And these women seem to have it so easy. Perhaps I'm jealous of the perceived ease of their process as compared to the paperwork driven adoption process?

I dunno.

In the meanwhile, I need to figure out how to handle all those preggos at the grocery store.

5 comments:

  1. I've been having similar issues. I've been pregnant, loved being pregnant, and would so love to do it again. But for various can't. And keep seeing the pregnants everywhere!

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  2. I hope my blog hasn't been the proverbial twist of the knife...!
    And I love the line about the thought of being pregnant creeping you out. I'm the SAME way!

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  3. Elizabeth--no, I always get a smile looking at your girls!

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  4. I'm so sorry. I've been pregnant (hated being pregnant - in and out of the hospital) and I'm still a little jealous when I see newborns and very pregnant women that they don't have quite the wait and uncertainty that we're facing in adoption. I can only begin to imagine how frustrated you must be at times. Thinking of you.

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  5. Oh I have sooo been there. Our first baby Julia was born too soon and died later the same day. My subsequent pregnancies included surgery, medication, complete bed rest and a few hospitals stays along the way. To this day, I get this twinge of bitterness towards the innocent bumps walking around. When you have your little kimchi though, it's really a whole lot better.

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