Changes

© Cheese Curds and Kimchi

"Have you ever been to Chuck E. Cheese?" asks my friend M. He's calling at 6 p.m. on a Saturday night. I can hear the kids screaming in the background and my friend is shouting over the din.

He's giving his wife a little time out, and took his over-active 7-year-old to the pizza parlor. After a few hours of watching the madness of children hopped up on sugar and video games, he needed to make contact with the adult world. So he called me.

"It's not too late to change your mind," he laughs. "I mean, do you have any idea how your life is going to change?"

*************

Change. I can imagine the changes to come, but I really can't fathom them. Can anyone really know something until they have experienced it?

Right now we lead a very lovely, do-as-we-please, impromptu life. Sleep in late. Go out for last minute drinks with friends. Spend hours cooking a single meal. Listen to music at ear-shattering levels. We lead a damn good life as a family of two.

And we've worked really hard to reach this point in our relationship. Nineteen years to be exact. Today is our 19th (gasp) wedding anniversary. It's been a wonderful, exasperating, emotional, and joyful experience.

We were 22 when we married, just kids really. Our hearts were full of love and we had our whole lives stretched out before us. We had no idea of the challenges ahead of us. Only the confidence that we would face those changes together.

My great-grandmother told us that marriage is really hard. And she was right. Each phase of our marriage has been a real learning experience. We've learned to really communicate and work through our emotional baggage.  We learned being right wasn't as important as being connected. We've become comfortable with our differences. And we believe that marriages are like flowers, needing to be tended and cared for. We've become really good gardeners.

So the big change that's about to come--it's both exhilarating and a bit scary. Crossing the threshold to a new experience is always a bittersweet process for us. And perhaps I'm a bit more sentimental today because it's our anniversary, but I can't help but wonder how our marriage will change and grow when we become parents.

I know, the foundations that we've built over the first 19 years of our marriage will carry us through the changes to come. I know we'll be fine. More than fine. I'm just a bit sad to leave that comfy, intimate and wonderful world that we live in right now.

Just a little bit of reflection today I guess. And although I am a little nervous about changing our life as a family of two, it's much more painful to think about not being a family of three.

Happy anniversary, to my wonderful partner on this life's journey. I love you babe.