I won't lie. I find parenthood difficult. It's the hardest I've ever done in my life. (Next to being married. That's darn hard too.)
Don't get me wrong. I'm deliriously happy that our family is finally together. And that boy makes my heart smile. And his belly laugh positively melts me. I never imagined that once LM came home it would be all baby-infused bliss (you know I'm much more of a realist than that!).
But it's no walk in the park either. How come the things that can make you happiest aren't always rainbows and butterflies and cotton candy and bubbles and hand-blended margaritas? OK, maybe the last one is unique to my list of things that make me happy.
Most of the time I'm very thankful to be a mama. I've learned a lot about myself in the past few months, both good and bad. I know becoming the mom I'd like to be is a progression.
We are all still adjusting and learning how to live with one another. Yes, it can be physically draining and emotionally exhausting. (There are many more blog posts to come on these topics, I'm sure.) Despite it all, there are also moments when I can step outside of the work and appreciate the amazing life that I have been gifted with.
But other times...damn. Some days it's hard to see the warm fuzzy side of parenthood. Somedays I'm not even sure he likes me.
This push and pull makes me a bit crazy. And you know when that mama-guilt spies a crack in the armor, it pushes it's way to the frontlines, lickety-split. You should be so happy now. Nothing should ever make you sad again now that your baby is home. Why can't you just look like those families you see in the J Crew catalogs? I'll bet those moms love to change diapers and deal with screaming toddlers. They probably manage to take a shower every day, too. And their hair is perfect.
I'm hoping I'm not the only one that feels like this sometimes. I'm about 68.2% sure I'm not the only one. I just keep at it each day, trying to be the mom that this little boy needs. I'm feeling a little bit sorry for myself right now but really, it's OK. There are tough patches, and anything worth doing is usually hard to do.
And this is definitely worth doing.
***
In the off chance that there are a few of you out there who get overwhelmed at times, here's a few links to some awesome posts that have given me a pick-me-up lately.
2011 Lesson #2: Don't Carpe Diem {Momastery}
When parenting means steering into the skid {Simple Mom}
I don't want my children to be happy {It's almost naptime!}
loved that momastery post...so true.
ReplyDeletei passed an award on to you, pix!
Psst, those moms that claim it's all so awesome, perfect and easy? Delusional. My own hubby doesn't remember how incredibly tough the first few weeks were. I think some people are really good at blocking out stressful memories. The best was when one parent told me it took a DAY to bond with her kid, while it took her husband a whole week. A whole WEEK! Wow, that's LONG huh?
ReplyDeleteMy guy is very easy-going but I still have tough days. On those, I wait until he sleeping and then I just stare and his perfect sleeping face. I'm horribly good at remembering tough times, but thankfully watching him sleep numbs it all and I stand there goofy in love, despite the fact that I have cereal in my hair, the laundry is STILL not done and forgot to put on deodorant again.
I liked that first article. Although I do try to be 'in-the-moment' as much as I can, some you just have to live through. It's the long-term that counts, the relationship we're building with our little ones and the guidance we provide for them. It's okay not to seize every moment. Some are best blocked-out!
Please be 100% sure you are not alone (and if you need proof: http://koreanamericanfamily.blogspot.com/2011/09/learning-to-parent.html)
ReplyDeleteI also think that when you wait so long for a child, go through the ups and downs of the adoption process, and finally make it, it's natural to think you can't feel anything but joy and bliss every moment of each day. But the thing is this - they are just kids. You are just a parent. All kids and all parents have rough days (or months...). Hang in there and know - you aren't alone!!
Oh yeah, been there soooooooo many times both then AND now.I think bonding with child #1 took at least 6 months, maybe even a year. I just remember it felt like forever & was painful and I had no one to support me or relate to and I felt highly inadequate & alone & helpless. And all around me I got the message I should be deliriously happy 24/7 for such the special child I worked so hard to find.
ReplyDeleteBut something finally clicked and I saw hope. I still feel highly inadequate at times and want to hide. I still feel like I should be able to "do it all" and reprimand myself when I can't. But that is silly. And really, when it comes down to it, in many ways I do so much more with and for my kids than my parents did with/for me. And they weren't slackers. Overall I think they did a good job and I thought my life was decent enough. So basically I think we are all doing better than we know and perhaps just the fact that we are so concerned about it in and of itself makes us good mothers, no?
I agree with some people are experts at blocking out stressful things and are therefor happily delusional. Wish I could buy into that club. :)
Hang in there!