Yes, I know I'm obsessive

My insomnia is back.

I've struggled with it for about 10 years. Off and on. It was incredibly frustrating because I've had this gift of being able to sleep anytime, anywhere since I was a kid. I never outgrew my love or need for sleep. I used to be able to drink coffee right up to bedtime and then crash immediately. A few years back I had to enforce a 2 p.m. coffee cutoff. (Gasp.) I tried a variety of suggested techniques (no computer an hour before bed). Homeopathic treatments. You name it. Eventually I resorted to pharmaceutical help to try and get some sleep. But even that didn't always work.

Miraculously, after Little Man came home, my sleep came back! Likely because I was more exhausted than I have ever been in my life. Whenever that boy went down for a nap, so did I. I still manage that once in a while. But for these past 8 months, I've been sleeping like a log.

But recently the night-time insomnia has returned.

And I know what causes it.

I lay there, thinking about how fast time is marching by. This makes me incredibly emotional and more than a little bit panicked.

Which leads me to feeling that I am not doing enough with him. I'm not making enough art with him. Not creating great little games for him to play. Not exposing him to enough of the wonderful things in the world. I don't take him outside enough. I don't...fill in the blank.

In general, I often feel like there is so much more I should be packing into his little life. Because it's all passing by so quickly already. And I Don't. Want. To. Miss. A. Single. Day.

I know, there is time for all this, right? We have an entire lifetime ahead of us. But I want to make each day count. And I want to be the absolute best parent that I can to this little guy.

So I lie there at night, plotting out the next day. Tomorrow we'll try that cotton ball game I read about. Or sort blocks by color. Or make a fort. Or maybe just run around the house in underwear and mittens. (For the record...Mommy does not run around in her underwear...)

I think this is just more Mama guilt. It comes with the territory, right?


On this same vein, there are as many theories about what the perfect parenting style is as there are children. Here's the latest:

Parenting The French Way: Is It Better?
Are French Parents Better Than American Parents?

Last night, when I started thinking of things I should be doing with LM, I remembered this post. It made me laugh. And then I finally got some sleep.

French Parents Are Superior--Just Like All Other Parents


  1. Thanks for the laugh! :) Hugs! I understand the lack of sleep. Before having kids I could sleep through anything, now if I wake up in the middle of the night I can't go back to sleep, my brain engages too much. It's quite frustrating and happens much more than I'd like.

  2. Hey Pix,

    This sounds all too familiar for me too, although I have not gone into detail on my blog. I finally resorted to pharmaceutical help too and it is...well...glorious. It is something I said I'd never do, but I was at the end of my rope.

    So, hang in there! Be easy on yourself (easy for me to say, right?) and take care of you!

  3. The Internet is such a great resource, but it can also be a source of stress when you see all the many possible ways you can be enriching your little one's life. He is only one little boy though -- he can't do it all, and neither can you! I know how you feel though -- even with a 2 month old I worry that I'm not engaging him in enough ways throughout the day. It's silly though. Just enjoy each moment you're in and don't stress about the next one, or the last one.

    And, ugh, what is the obsession with the French, except to make us feel fat and like bad parents?!

  4. P.S. Hope you're able to get some more sleep :(

  5. pinterest is awesome for giving you ideas, but it also is a great way to feel like you aren't doing enough because look, this page has a whole lot of fun, educational things to do with my toddler/preschooler, but wait, I need to put it all together first and then make time to do it together, and what about dinner?

    I have felt overwhelmed by it all too. I made our advent calendar so I would make sure we did each of the Christmas-related activities this year to get them all in. But then, I ended up with a 2 week long tension headache that required serious drugs to get rid of. I could sleep - just not function.

    So, all this to say - the most important thing you can do as a mom is to be there with him. Spend time focusing on him and enjoy the moment doing whatever you are doing - big or little. You're doing great, mama. And I hope you are able to get some sleep...


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