My insomnia is back.
I've struggled with it for about 10 years. Off and on. It was incredibly frustrating because I've had this gift of being able to sleep anytime, anywhere since I was a kid. I never outgrew my love or need for sleep. I used to be able to drink coffee right up to bedtime and then crash immediately. A few years back I had to enforce a 2 p.m. coffee cutoff. (Gasp.) I tried a variety of suggested techniques (no computer an hour before bed). Homeopathic treatments. You name it. Eventually I resorted to pharmaceutical help to try and get some sleep. But even that didn't always work.
Miraculously, after Little Man came home, my sleep came back! Likely because I was more exhausted than I have ever been in my life. Whenever that boy went down for a nap, so did I. I still manage that once in a while. But for these past 8 months, I've been sleeping like a log.
But recently the night-time insomnia has returned.
And I know what causes it.
I lay there, thinking about how fast time is marching by. This makes me incredibly emotional and more than a little bit panicked.
Which leads me to feeling that I am not doing enough with him. I'm not making enough art with him. Not creating great little games for him to play. Not exposing him to enough of the wonderful things in the world. I don't take him outside enough. I don't...fill in the blank.
In general, I often feel like there is so much more I should be packing into his little life. Because it's all passing by so quickly already. And I Don't. Want. To. Miss. A. Single. Day.
I know, there is time for all this, right? We have an entire lifetime ahead of us. But I want to make each day count. And I want to be the absolute best parent that I can to this little guy.
So I lie there at night, plotting out the next day. Tomorrow we'll try that cotton ball game I read about. Or sort blocks by color. Or make a fort. Or maybe just run around the house in underwear and mittens. (For the record...Mommy does not run around in her underwear...)
I think this is just more Mama guilt. It comes with the territory, right?
On this same vein, there are as many theories about what the perfect parenting style is as there are children. Here's the latest:
Parenting The French Way: Is It Better?
Are French Parents Better Than American Parents?
Last night, when I started thinking of things I should be doing with LM, I remembered this post. It made me laugh. And then I finally got some sleep.
French Parents Are Superior--Just Like All Other Parents