Book Club Monday: 20 Things...Chapters 19 & 20!

(For more info on the book we are reading, click HERE. All passages that are quoted are from Sherrie Eldridge's book, 20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed. Here are links to our previous discussions: Chapter 1; Chapters 2 & 3; Chapters 4 & 5, Chapters 6-9, Chapters 10-12, Chapters 13-15, Chapters 16-18).

Sorry for the late post. This week has totally sucked. Can it be over? Monday was Gracie's funeral. (Here's a link to the memorial video, but you might do the ugly cry when you watch it.) Tuesday they laid people off at work. I still have a job but a co-worker in my department doesn't.

And today was tough too, although not as dramatic as Monday or Tuesday. Little Man starts day care next week. I'm not doing so well with it. Today I finally quit procrastinating and took him in to his class to hang out and get familiar with the teachers. He was clingy for the first few minutes, then ventured away a little bit but kept coming back for hugs. After about 10 minutes, he was running around and would run by or make eye contact frequently.

That felt great! But it bummed me out even more thinking about how much progress we've made and now he's going to be hanging out with these other ladies three days a week.

Soooo....that's why Book Club Monday has been pushed back to Wednesday.

OK...the final scoop on the book. The last two chapters weren't really too insightful for me. Chapter 19 talks about celebrating the miracle of your family and how you conceived this child in your heart, and labored to have this child just like a born-to-you child. Only adoptive labor lasts for years vs. hours.

Umm...surprise?? No. Any AP already knows this.

She did say one thing here though, that I took to heart. A reminder that young children love to hear their birth story, and although we weren't there for the birth, we still have a story. The first thought we had of them. The first time we saw his face. The first time we met. That story is just as powerful as his birth story because it's the birth of our family.

Chapter 20: Press on in hope
"Will you ever see the fruits of your labor?" is a question the author poses. I'm sure it's a question that all parents ask from time to time. The part that is specific to adoption is that seeing the potential in your child, and communicating that to them, will help diminish the feelings of rejection that they feel as they cope with their adoption issues. "Whenever you see potential in me, my feelings of rejectiohn will begin to diminish and I will begin to see myself as you do."

A nice thought. And nice to imagine that anything we might be able to do can help soothe that wound.


  1. Sounds like you're having a rough time. I'm so sorry about Gracie, my thoughts and prayers go out to her family.

    That's good news on bonding! I know daycare will be hard (mostly for you) but if you've got a good bond (and it sounds like you do if he's checking-in), 3 days a week won't hurt what you've built and you'll have 4 days to reaffirm your bond, plus evenings! You're doing great momma!

  2. First, hugs. What a rough week. Second - wow - LM has come a long way! Awesome!! Which means it is okay now that he starts day care. He will be with you guys more than with the ladies at day care and he now knows who his parents are. Awesome!

    And about the birth stories - yes! My kids love hearing about how we met them, seeing pictures of them as a babies or little kids, and love us telling them little things, like what they liked to eat or how they slept or things like that. Don't underestimate how precious that is to any child, but especially our children.

    Great review of the book - hope you were glad you read it!


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